The Road to Happily Ever After

Jenn Cooks Chicken Soup Pastina

2012-01-11T20:19:00.000-05:00

This has been a crazy week for us. My daughter is teething. My husband has surgery on his toe on Monday and as if the stress of both of those things wasn't enough for me,I came down with an AWFUL stomach bug Monday night.

Yesterday was kind of a "just get through today" type day.

I woke up this morning feeling much better and decided to make a huge pot of chicken soup in hopes no one in my family catches what I had.

I really make a kick ass chicken soup.

As a matter of fact, after my broth was done tonight before I added the pasta (because I'm all about the chicken noodle soup), I might have even said to myself "Hmm..this is the best broth ever". I then had a quick fantasy of my husband drooling over my soup and telling me how good it was. I did my little victory dance and pulled out the pasta to add.

I decided to use Pastina so Sweet Pea could have some. For those of you who don't know what Pastina is, it is little teeny tiny star noodles.

In a hurry to get the baby's bottle started and dice up the chicken, I dumped a box of Pastina in...decided it didn't look like enough and then dumped another. Gave it a little stir and carried on with what I was doing.

I'll admit it before I made the Pastina for Sweet Pea...I probably haven't had it in like 15 years. When I made it for the baby, I made about a 1/4 of a cup and she was eating it for a few days.

I clearly wasn't thinking...

I consider myself a fairly intelligent girl....

Sometimes I just have these moments where I am all like "WHY THE HELL DID I JUST DO THAT?!?"

Do you want to know when I realized it this time?

When I grabbed the soup ladle, and spooned PASTINA into the bowl. I looked in the pot and there was about half Pastina and half broth. I spooned some broth over the Pastina and mentioned to my husband that I might have added a little too much Pastina.

Only here's the problem....by the time he got to his bowl, It was 3/4 Pastina and 1/4 broth.

By the time I got back to the pot to serve myself the pot showed probably 9/10 Pastina and 1/10 broth.

THIS SHIT KEPT MULTIPLYING.

I felt like Strega Nona!

By the time, I had sat down to eat, my poor chicken and carrots were being smothered by teeny tiny little stars. There was no broth left....in my bowl....in my husband's bowl...or even in the large pot on the stove.

Would you like some soup with that Pastina?

My victory dance was a distant memory. My husband's oohing and ahhing were transformed into loud giggles and these comments:

"Oh. I thought I spilled some! Who am I kidding? This doesn't spill?"

"I feel like I swallowed a huge ball of glue".

After stating I was thirsty, he said "No kidding, the Pastina is soaking up your insides as well".

I had to laugh...

I mean....it really WAS funny!

The thing is ...it tasted REALLY GOOD! Even Sweet Pea ate some!

So here is my recipe for Chicken Soup Pastina:

Take the BEST chicken soup recipe you have and make it in a large pot. When it's done, add two boxes of Pastina. Don't worry about it not seeming to be a lot! That crap is like The Duggars...it just keeps multiplying!

And there you have it! I know what you all are making for dinner tomorrow night!!!

P.S. I left it in the pot to put the baby to bed ....who wants to take bets that it over took the pot and is all over my kitchen floor by now!?!?

All I Want For Christmas

2011-12-22T14:54:00.000-05:00

Before I go into my usual rant...I would like to point out that this is my 300th post! A Holy Crap!

I've always been the type of gal that had Christmas list.

I remember growing up going to my Grandparent's every Sunday for our family dinner and the excitement when that good old J.C. Penney Winter catalog was there. Oh how we used to spend hours writing down everything we wanted from Santa...including page numbers just so he got it right.

As I got older, my list naturally became more pricey. One year I wanted a TV. Another year, a DVD player. Then of course, my VERY first designer purse was a gift from Santa.   The older I got.....the higher the price tags seemed to be....

Until I got married and suddenly, my Christmas list was priceless and unattainable.

I wanted a baby.   I spent years wishing on every star and blowing out every birthday candle with the same hope. Every Christmas, we watched other people's babies grow older as I put on my bravest smile hoping that people didn't see the pain I was enduring behind it.

Christmas morning was always the worst.

I used to lay and think about all the kids running to the tree and I used to beg and plead with higher powers to let me please hear those pitter patter of tiny feet and squeals of joy. And for more Christmases than should ever be allowed, the silence was so loud and deafening that I couldn't even hear my heart break further or my empty uterus sighing and my soul telling me "this is definitely the LAST year".

And then last year...it was.

I was asked a few times this year what was on my Christmas list.   I am sure everyone waited with bated breath to hear which purse or shoes I wanted or which cool new electronic thing I just HAD to have.
I won't lie to you all...I gave it some thought. After thinking long and hard about it....my decision was decided.

This year for Christmas I wanted... NOTHING.

This year, all of my wishes came true. I have the family I have always dreamed of. On Christmas morning, I will anxiously await my daughter's song letting me know she is awake. I will run up to her crib and kiss her face like I do every morning as she babbles her "hellos" and "i love yous". This Christmas, I will bring her down to a living room full of presents from Santa and all her amazing family and friends. I will be grateful for every second as I watch her tear into her well earned presents and rejoice as I hear the sounds of music and lights come off of her new toys. She will be surrounded and thought about by people that adore her. For me that's it.....that's the Full Monty. There is no handbag or pair of shoes that can replace that in my heart.

Here's the thing....people don't handle it too well when you say you want nothing. I know I have rolled my eyes a number of times at my dad who often states that. So I thought about what I could ask for....what could people give me that would mean something....

I thought back to Christmas time last year. A few days before Christmas, I woke up bleeding and was told I had to go to labor and delivery. I didn't know what the outcome was going to be and I was scared out of my mind. Obviously everything turned out perfectly but I am fully aware on how many times it doesn't.

So this Christmas,I asked my husband to make a donation to the March of Dimes in memory of four very special little angels. I have asked family to do the same.

I have been blessed with Sweet Pea...it's time to start giving back to others.

P.S. I am in NO WAY judging ANYONE! I am purely talking about MY FEELINGS!! If you have a long wish list, I say "GO GET YOURS" and send me pictures of all your fun new stuff!

P.P.S - I don't want to live a total lie...I also asked for a steam mop. =)

Santa Spotted....Aisle 13!

2011-12-06T15:09:00.000-05:00

You know those houses you go into where they OVERDECORATE. Christmas stuff is EVERYWHERE and it kinda looks like Santa puked all over.

Yea...I am that person.

We moved into this house last year when we found out that I was finally pregnant. I wasn't too into decorating last year as I felt like a tired cow. I knew that this year was going to be the BIG one anyway. Sweet Pea's FIRST CHRISTMAS. So last year, I just allowed myself to lay on the couch and eat Christmas cookies (I won't even tell you what I gained the next month!).

This year, decorating was so exciting! I couldn't wait to pull all of our stuff out and to deck them halls with boughs of holly. We put up the Christmas tree and as expected my little miracle was mesmerized by the lights. I wanted more.....

We realized we didn't have anything that would work for outside. We needed to buy something STAT....after all I am a total self proclaimed Christmas light snob.

We decided to check out that big store that loves to roll back those prices. I am NOT A FAN of that store. No disrespect to those that love it, I just simply do not. To me, every one that I have been to smells like dog food and stale popcorn. I much prefer that bullseye competitor.

We decided to go early Sunday and check it out. I was thrilled that it would be easy in and easy out because they keep their Christmas stuff in the Garden center. You could imagine my surprise when we went and there was like NOTHING we could use left.....NOTHING. As I shrugged my shoulders and headed towards the door to the Depot of many Homes...my husband said those words I was dreading "Lemme check something inside".

*sigh* "Ok let's be quick"

We started to walk around and there he was in all his glory.....SANTA....on aisle 13 looking at folding chairs (I guess those elves are getting upgraded from those wooden benches).

Seriously, there was a man dressed in a full Santa costume.

We had just taken Sweet Pea a few days prior to see Santa..... every chance we get we have been all "SANTA" "SANTA" "SANTA" to get her to learn.

I was able to walk past him and not make eye contact but as I circled around, we were facing each other. I couldn't avoid it now. I thought of turning around and trying to escape quickly but he had already started talking to my daughter and all I could squeak was "Look its Santa"

Here was my train of thought:
" OH MY GOD! DOES THIS MAN EVEN WORK HERE???? HOLY CRAP HE IS GETTING CLOSER. OK PHEW HE IS JUST TALKING TO HER. AT LEAST THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE AROUND IF I HAVE TO START SCREAMING. OH SHIT I THINK HE IS GOING TO TOUCH HER...WHAT THE HELL DO I DO??! HOW ON EARTH DO YOU TELL SANTA TO BACK THE HELL AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD. OMG THERE ARE OTHER KIDS AROUND...I CAN'T YELL AT HIM. OMG HE IS TOUCHING HER HAND. EW EW EW EW! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WORK HERE"

With my best force of a smile, I jerked the carriage away and said "Say bye bye to Santa". I went into the CD section and seriously almost hyperventilated when I realized I left the wipes in the car.

After what seemed like an eternity (but was really like ten more minutes), we were back in the car where I scrubbed her hands like no other....

After a deep breath, I quickly congratulated myself for not ruining Christmas for other children by tackling Santa and making the evening news.

Sweet Pea's hand hasn't fallen off yet so I think we are safe......

.....as far as that man....I can only continue to only hope that he worked there...

.....although you never know....He could have been one of those people of ___________.

OMG! IT IS FINALLY TIME!!!!

2011-11-22T12:01:00.000-05:00

After years and years of waiting for this moment, I am finally sitting down to do my Christmas cards WITH MY DAUGHTER ON THEM. This might seem like such a small thing to be so excited about but after dealing with infertility and opening countless cards with other people's babies, it feels like a right of passage to be able to do mine!!

A FABULOUS RITE OF PASSAGE! OMG!! I AM REALLY A MOM!!!!!

Last year, I went on a crusade to send out the perfect pregnancy Christmas card (why yes...I was THAT person). You can read that post here! Shutterfly provided the perfect template for our perfect card.

Seriously....how cute is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? We got an insane amount of compliments on it and it truly had become my favorite Christmas card EVER....

...until now.....

I spent about five hours perfecting our Christmas card last year and I was pregnant. This year I have a gorgeous baby girl to show off to the world...so you can easily multiply the time spent last year by two (or ten).

So I've been looking at Shutterfly's website and they have some great choices. Honestly I already have one picked in my head.....and it's perfect.....

So maybe this year...it was just a little bit easier to "perfect" it......after all...I have the most perfect baby in the most perfect picture to work with.

This will be my favorite Christmas EVER!

The Fine Print:
Yes..just like last year, I am doing this blog post as a promotion to Shutterfly in exchange for 25 cards...because honestly let's face it, Christmas cards are not cheap but you can not put a price on perfection....plus I really want to send this card to EVERYONE I have ever met in my life so I will need a whole bunch more!   Every little bit helps (especially since my shopaholic ways are coming out this Christmas..but that is for another blog post).

Check out Shutterfly for all your shopping needs....

         Christmas cards http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards
          calendars    http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars
photo gifts http://www.shutterfly.com/photo-gifts

Back to Dr. Godfather I go...

2011-11-09T13:15:00.000-05:00

I guess I had this silly preconceived pre-conceived notion that once I got pregnant, things would just fix in my body. I mean how many times do we all hear that? After the "relax and it will happen" and all the other "advice" that we get before getting pregnant happens, when we finally do get there, to that place that we waited for so long, the other advice starts....

"You body will most likely fix itself with the pregnancy and you will be able to conceive naturally after you have the baby".

I clung to this.

I don't ever EVER want to sound ungrateful for my beautiful baby girl. Because trust me, I am fully aware that the sun rises and sets in her smile. I am eternally blessed with this gorgeous baby that will hopefully very shortly call me mama and I was extremely fortunate to be able to carry her myself -full term. I can honestly tell you from the heart that I stop on a daily basis and thank god for giving me her....for bringing her into my life. I can also honestly tell you that I do not let ONE moment go by without cherishing it....the laughs....the cries....the tantrums....ALL OF IT!

Here's the thing, I want more children. I always wanted more than one. Please don't think for one second that this ever makes me greedy. Only a mother and father can decide in their own hearts when their family is done.

So I waited after Sweet Pea's birth with baited breath to see if my body "fixed" itself. After all we have done to have her, it seemed quite comical to be offered any preventative measures after her birth. We had always said we would let nature take its course.

And after three normal cycles, that course of nature stopped months ago.

Out of exasperation, I tried to avoid the RE. Yes, I adore Dr. Godfather with all my heart but I truly hoped I would have never had to see him again. But after a few failed paths, I inevitably have to return.

I now know my body never fixed itself. The advice became another quote to add to the myths of trying to conceive.

I'm not going to lie to you...I am having a tough time with the thought of returning. That very thought brought me to tears in my OB's office a few weeks ago.

However, I do believe our family isn't done and although at this point right now, we aren't going for treatments...I am going with the sheer hope that we can put "nature" back on it's course as my husband and I decide when it's right to start the uphill battle for number 2.

The Girl That Cried "Cough"

2011-11-03T11:44:00.000-04:00

My sweet little darling has started a new "thing".

This is what she does when she wants our attention.

I'm sure plenty of other babies have ways to get their parents attention. Some might cry.....Some might yell....

....mine.....well...she coughs.

I didn't mistype that....she coughs.

Picture you are sitting and having a conversation with your spouse and you hear this over the top dramatic fake cough. Yep...that's my daughter.

At the age of seven months she is all about the drama.

The first couple of times I am sure I jumped up in a panic. She wanted attention and she got a very over-reactive worried mama in her face making sure she was ok.

Then I saw the pattern.......so we tried to ignore it ....

Only Sweet Pea wasn't having any of that.....her "cough" then transformed into a fake "choke" which of course scared the pee out of me the first time she did it. Once again over-reactive worried mama in her face making sure she was ok.

After a couple heart attacks of the "fake choking" by both my husband and myself...we decided we needed the lesser of the evils and that happened to be the "fake cough".

Our sweet little ~~mastermind~~ princess started to do the fake choking thing and we ignored her (after of course we very discreetly made sure she was ok). Slowly but surely, the "fake cough" returned and we made a BIG deal out of it.

So that's what she does....when my daughter wants our attention, she fake coughs.

Sweet Pea will be an Academy Award winner....Mark my words!

My Date With the Paparazzi

2011-10-13T20:28:00.000-04:00

I consider myself a pretty safe driver.

I go the speed limit...or close to it.

I always wear my seatbelt.

I stop when I am supposed to.

I don't typically have road rage.

What?   I really don't. I'm truly not in THAT big of a hurry to get anywhere.

Yes there are some times that I am in a little bit of a hurry and I get stuck behind Gramps who can barely see over the steering wheel...so much so that when you look in your rearview mirror, all you see are a hat and knuckles. OR the person that's talking on their cell phone NOT paying attention and slows down because they don't know where they are going. Yes, these things annoy me...

But for the most part...I am pretty Zen with my driving (the one aspect of my life that I am actually ZEN with).

HOWEVER-
There is one circumstance that brings out the uncaged female tiger in me....when other people have road rage.

That's right folks...I have road rage when other people have road rage.   I have road rage rage.

Tonight, I was on my way home from food shopping. I was turning left in a very busy intersection. As I pulled up to the intersection, the light started to changed and I STOPPED (OH THE HORROR). You would think I almost hit an old lady holding a baby and a puppy because the man behind me laid on his horn for a RIDICULOUS amount of time......seriously...like 30 sec!!! Then I watched him proceed to have what looked like a seizure in his front seat....only he wasn't having a seizure....HE WAS YELLING at me...IN HIS CAR...WITH HIS WINDOWS ROLLED UP. So actually, that big tough man was yelling at himself (these are youtube type moments).

Guess what buddy...I am NOT speeding through this intersection....I have a baby at home! How do I know the other cars won't jump the light?!?!   Not a chance I am taking!

I looked back at him and all I saw was RED.....I GOT SO ANGRY!!!! I pictured getting out of my car and going all FIGHT CLUB on his ass.

When the light turned green, I started to turn.....he cut me off on the right and as he was passing and giving me that look, I began waving at him like I knew him. For one brief second, I could tell I startled him and he instantly tried to scan his memory to see if we knew each other....and after he decided he didn't he took his car and swerved it into my lane....LIKE A MATURE ADULT.

My favorite part of this story....his license plate said "NYP"....NEW YORK PRESS.

So this was my dangerous run in with the PAPARAZZI!

Seriously...who wants my autograph?!?!

You Can Call Me "Chef Mommy"

2011-10-12T20:38:00.000-04:00

I decided I was going to be all "Martha Mommy Stewart" and make baby food.

Sweet Pea has been eating baby food now for almost three months. At first, the insane fear of a food allergy consumed my life. I spaced each new food out FIVE DAYS and would spend time at EVERY diaper change searching for a tell-tale food allergy rash.

You could imagine my surprise when that rash came. I FREAKED out. Was certain that I would be reading ALL food labels in my future to make sure ALL foods she ate didn't contain green beans. We rushed to the doctor only to be told it Sweet Pea has sensitive skin and that it was contact dermatitis.

Well this placed a HUGE DAMPER in my time spent searching for the tell tale food allergy rash.....

We survived...all the cereals....all the first veggies and all the first fruits......with no allergies (Thank you JESUS!).

After I seriously and severely calmed down, I began to want to make baby food. There was so much that didn't come in the form of baby food that I wanted her to experience. I found an amazing website (wholesomebabyfood.momtastic.com) and read lots and lots about it.

Yes I am the one who burned crock pot soup.....

Yes I am the one who DESTROYED a recipe by not adding JUST the RIND....I thought the white stuff was the rind too.....

What can I say....My mother's favorite thing to make for dinner was reservations. (LOVE YOU MOM) I am not even kidding you when I say that we used to get a Christmas card from our Chinese food delivery place....and one year they sent cookies....not just almond or fortune cookies....a HUGE TRAY OF COOKIES. Looking back now I like to think that we were just investing in their children's college funds.

Anyway....to say I was nervous was an understatement.

However, I put on my apron and started to buy some fruit and veggies.

Only I didn't know how much to buy.....

So I bought a lot ...because I mean obviously I am feeding a team of hungry baby linebackers.

You would not BELIEVE the amount of baby food ONE butternut squash makes.....now times that by three.

We are probably set on baby food until she at least turns 21......

In my panicked state of not wanting to waste any of it, I started to think of ways to use it all.

Here is what I have come up with:
1- Start a "baby food" diet.....Didn't Jennifer Aniston totally do something like that?!?!
2- Use the baby food as ice cubes in our drinks.
3- Save the baby food for Thanksgiving and serve that as dinner with the Turkey.
4- Defrost the baby food cubes and serve as a soup on Thanksgiving.
5- Hand out a few cubes to the Trick or Treaters on Halloween
6- Develop new cocktails.....Butternut Squash Beer or Green Bean Gin and Tonic

Regardless, I AM enjoying making the baby food for her.....

So when she turns 21, I will have to make some more!

Me....In Concert

2011-09-23T12:04:00.001-04:00

For as long as I can remember, I've had this little secret.

I LOVE to listen to music while I am taking a shower and getting ready. This shouldn't be a big surprise. A lot of people do .....that's why they invented that nifty shower radio right?!?! I never had one of those by the way....so before the IPOD, I had to drag my big boom box music player into the bathroom with me!

Speaking of before the IPOD....There was a couple choices for music.....the radio or the cassette tape (or later the CD). I happened to ALWAYS shower during commercial breaks on the radio!!! I was a walking advertisement for V.I.M Jeans and Club Hunka Bunka (in Sayerville.....NY/NJ reference). So I would bring my cassette tapes in.   There was nothing like listening to side A of the cassette tape and then having to flip it over to side b. CD's eliminated that but seriously with the exception of a very few albums...who listened to EVERY SONG?!? (Mariah Carey's Music Box, Janet Jackson's Janet, Christina Aguilera's Stripped). I used to make mixed cd's (the evolution of a mixed tape)....which definitely worked...but GOOD LORD, god bless APPLE!!!

Anyway....where was I?!?   Oh yes....I love music while I am showering.   But that my friends isn't my secret.

My secret is that I pretend I am performing while getting ready.   Yep there it is...I am putting it out there. I conduct my own concerts and act out my own music videos (where I both sing AND dance) in my bathroom.

Ok fine...it's not just in the bathroom....I do it in the kitchen too...while I am cooking....

For so long, I had no audience. I would have LOVED to do that for a living and end up on American Idol or something but I was considerate enough to save your ear drums (YOU ARE WELCOME).

So yesterday, my hubby was working later than normal and I had to get dinner going. I decided to put Sweet Pea in her high chair with some toys and get to work. She was all settled in having a blast....so I put on Pandora and started breading those chicken cutlets.

Two songs in and one of my FAVES to "perform" to came on.

Madonna "Material Girl" and somewhere among the bread crumbs and the frying pan....I "forgot" I had company. I turned to see my precious little daughter smiling at her mama and giggling.

There it was.....my first audience. And just like when I am dancing in my bathroom, pretending to be "in concert", my audience was captivated and mesmerized.

Midway through the song, Sweet Pea started shrieking. I like to think she was trying to sing along, instead of begging me to be quiet.

One day this will be embarrassing to her.....One day she might roll her eyes at my performances....but right now, she loves it....

Seeing that smile and hearing that laugh is priceless.

Better go practice some new material.

It's That Time Of Year Again

2011-09-20T13:06:00.000-04:00

I am SO sorry that I have totally sucked at posting on here lately.

I have been in the trenches of wife hell!

My dear Sweet Pea is teething something fierce and she is NOT a quiet teether....

AND my strong herculean husband has hurt his back at work....

The full body exhaustion that I have been feeling is CRAY-CRAY (YES I went there! I just need to point out how much I HATE when people say that...so I thought I would annoy you with it also).

Anyway....what is new?

Oh yes, the process of moving Sweet Pea to her crib has officially been halted after she face-planted right into one of the bars like FIVE minutes after I placed her in there. She was screaming and I just decided that for RIGHT NOW she is totally better being the Buddy The Elf of her co-sleeper.

(I'll try again soon.....k?)

Also we are getting into THAT time of the year.

My FAVORITE time of the year.

FALL (especially Halloween to Christmas)

I use to spend the time leading up to the holidays reminding myself that it was probably going to be the LAST time I would have to spend THAT holiday without a baby.

I did that for four years.

Now the fact that Sweet Pea will be experiencing all this FUN stuff with me is AMAZEBALLS (yes...I went there again....).

We plan on starting the FUN TIME of year festivities by going Apple Picking this weekend. Let's just talk about HOW excited I am about this. Sweet Pea is grabbing EVERYTHING now and I can not wait to see her grabbing for some apples (that I totally plan on using to make some yummy apple recipes...another thing I LOVE!!).

I am just so insanely in love with my daughter and can not wait to see this time of year through her eyes!!!

BRING ON FALL!

A Simple Twist of Fate

2011-09-04T21:51:00.000-04:00

I often think back to when I joined Twitter and I laugh.

It is INSANE how much that social media site has changed my life.

I had always been a huge believer in "Everything happens for a reason"...and I often think of the series of events that led me to this point.

My husband got offered a job back East so we moved. I reconnected with an old high school friend who pretty much introduced me to and got me hooked on Twitter. I started to connect with lots of people like me who were struggling with fertility issues too. This gave me an outlet. This allowed me to reach out to people who understood. This made me send a tweet to a guy who was from New Jersey who had fertility issues too.

That tweet changed my life.

Kenny and I tweeted back and forth about our RE's and our procedures. We were going the IUI route while he and his wife were doing IVF. I thank the lucky stars the day he got Jessica to join Twitter.

My husband and I were struggling to come to terms with the fact that our RE recommended injections and we didn't have insurance for them and we couldn't afford the absurd amount of money they cost. So we floated from month to month trying to figure it out....feeling frustrated and stuck.

We never asked for their help and yet they offered it. To me, that is a sign of an amazing person. They offered us, two strangers, their unused medications. The medications we couldn't afford....the medications that were thousands of dollars.

The gesture was mind-blowing.

The medicine worked the first time.

To say we will NEVER be able to repay them is an understatement. The stars aligned for Sweet Pea because of that tweet....because of Jessica and Kenny.

The true beauty of this all (besides both of our gorgeous daughters) is the friendship I have developed with Jessica.

I think our souls just clicked.

I stepped out of my comfort zone and attended her baby shower where I knew NO ONE because I simply couldn't imagine not being there. And in her true fashion, she made sure I wasn't uncomfortable..that I had someone to sit with and talk to. I enjoyed every moment of that shower.

And her sweet little baby girl....that I have been following since she was merely just cells in her momma's tummy. I have loved watching her grow and seeing her play with my daughter.

I can't wait for the future memories with our girls.

Jessica has become an amazing confidant, a huge supporter, and a best friend.

Jessica and Kenny have changed our lives.

They have become a part of our family.

So to my dearest friend....on her birthday (which isn't until technically the morning)....I know that you will truly have all the best in life because you deserve nothing less. An amazingly beautiful person on the inside and out that has helped me out of my darkness, helped me fulfill a life long dream, and help me to be able to smile again...to truly laugh again....to finally be whole!

I love you girlie!!! Have a very happy birthday!!!! xoxoxoxoxo

P.S. Shoot over to twitter and tell @azoosbeyotch HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

P.P.S You should totally follow her and Kenny @infertilitynme...THEY REALLY ROCK!!!!

Teething....OH DEAR LORD!

2011-09-03T21:43:00.000-04:00

As if Sweet Pea having to get older and bigger wasn't hard enough on me....now it seems she is having to go and get teeth...

However this teething thing isn't just hard on my emotional mama soul.....nope these bastards we lovingly refer to as teeth are wreaking HAVOC on my poor little sweet girl.

I'll admit I was totally in teething denial (as I am with most of the getting older stuff with my daughter). It wasn't until the first experience with the blood curdling screaming that I finally gave in and admitted it. Apparently, my daughter and her screams are in business to wake the dead.......*there's another gray hair*

For the past three or four nights, my sweet baby SCREAMS AND SCREAMS and just when you think it's over....she SCREAMS some more.

The first night I am all super mom.....I'm thinking "Ok I got this...I have been prepared for this" With lightning fast speed I run up the stairs...grab the orajel I ALREADY bought (WITH A COUPON!!!)...run back downstairs and put the orajel on my baby's gums. Intense crying for a minute followed by a smiling cooing baby with tears drying on her cheeks!

I conquered that shit!

The next night, the screaming was louder. Took longer to calm her down....but we did!!! My hair might have looked like a hurricane blew through and my eyeliner might have been down to my chin....but I did it!

Tonight.....Oh! My! God! Tonight...... tonight was the worst screaming EVER! My supermom cape was ripped to shreds by these bastards, the teeth! Tonight, as my daughter screamed the worst sound I have ever heard, I joined her in crying. Standing in the living room, I clung onto her and we both sobbed. In crept that bitch, also known as Mother's Guilt because I couldn't fix it.   The orajel wasn't working.....the tylenol didn't work that fast and I was helpless. We were both completely helpless.   WORST FEELING EVER!!

I assume by tomorrow my husband will try with his Superdad cape on as I sit in the corner in fetal position rocking and screaming "Make it stop!!! Make it stop!!!"

I believe when they said that you should use whiskey when teething...that they meant that was for the parents....

I'd like you to meet my new best friends....Jack and Jim....

Actually...I'm pretty sure the nursery rhyme Jack and Jill was written for Jack and Jim....

Jack and Jim said on a whim "Drink us like it's water"
while the teeth are underneath the gums of your miserable daughter!

SO.....

I am hereby declaring WAR on these bastards, the teeth and their punk ass leader, Front Left Bottom Tooth!

I will not let these tiny little jackasses win! Once we get the leader out, I'll be ready to take the whole gang down!

I fear this will be a lengthy battle.....*Can I get a hair dye sponsor or something?!?!???*

We will be victorious in the end! My daughter will have those pearly whites to add to her already beautiful smile and I guess all of this will seem like a thing of the past....

That is until they start falling out....

......and I smash every single one of those bastards with a mallet!

Sleep Pea

2011-08-30T21:30:00.000-04:00

When it came time to decide what Sweet Pea would sleep in the first couple of months, I was on the fence. I wanted her to be in the room with us. Everyone I have ever known had a bassinet...so I set out to find a bassinet....one that would be perfect for my princess.

What I came across was BLAH, BLECH, AND EW!

I DID find one that I really liked....only to go to Babies R Us and see and touch it. Yea ya know that song "Rock A Bye Baby" ...I'm pretty sure that unstable cradle in the bough that breaks...that was this...

Um....No!

I needed something PERFECT. It came to me in the form of a co-sleeper......

A Cosleeper fit for a princess..... PURE PERFECTION!

Being that our bed is 872,979 feet off the ground, it would never attach and I would never get to "co-sleep" per-say but it made a beautiful little bassinet!

I truly from the bottom of my unpaid from the company heart LOVE this thing!!! (Arm's Reach in case you are wondering).

I loved being able to just look over and see her and she has loved opening her eyes and being able to see us. It's truly a marriage made in mommy heaven.

And then my sweet baby Sweet Pea had to go and start growing (GRRRR!!!!). So someone might have mentioned to me once or twice that she was getting to big for it but I mean she really wasn't. There was still PLENTY of room left. Her bedroom is on the top floor and its hot as Scottsdale in July up there so she HAD to stay in our room. Each time someone asked me when she was going to move, I pushed the date back.

STOP RUINING MY DREAMS!

I mean honestly, she could sleep in there until like 1 or 2 right?!!!? RIGHT?!?!? I was CONVINCED!!!

Last night, she woke up a numerous amount of times...and in one of my sleep deprived stumbles to her perfect co-sleeper. I noticed something. I saw this.....


Buddy The Elf ...What's Your Favorite Color??!

My denial was staring me in the face....Sweet Pea has become the Buddy the Elf of this co-sleeper.....

It's time to move to the crib!!

-Insert MAJOR sad face-

I carried my gorgeous little Buddy the Elf upstairs and laid her in her crib to just TEST it out. She excitedly looked around and instantly fell in love with her mobile....which if she continues loving I will only have to crank on every THIRTY SECONDS!!!!!!

And I stepped back, and looked at her as my heart swelled. I'm not ready for her to grow up and get big....but then I saw this.....

In this huge grown up baby crib, laid my little pea! In her crib, she looks so tiny.....so small.....

The big move will be over the next week......We have to ease her into this. She will probably cry a lot. She might even throw a fit.

(I am totally that "she")

So my delusions started over and I now think she can stay in her crib until at least like 13 or 14 right?!?!?

RIGHT?!!?!?!

Ok I Get It ....She's Big!

2011-08-20T21:03:00.000-04:00

When I found out I was having a girl, a huge amount of excitement kicked in.   Oh the clothes, the bows, the tiny little feet pedicures, the shopping, the mommy/daughter time. I have always wanted a girl.   It was truly a dream come true.

And now some of the fears have kicked in....I am going to have to do THE TALK. There will be talk of dating and rebelling......and as if the gray hair hasn't started to grow fast enough.....I have a daughter and having a girl in THIS society is tough.

I am by no means skinny. I grew up on a diet. I felt like an amazonian woman in elementary school. I was much taller than most of the boys were and I was chubby. This lead to name calling....hurtful name calling. I became so self conscious of myself starting in second grade!

As time went on things got worse, people would make comments about my weight ALL THE TIME and they stuck to me like glue creating scars on my soul.

As I got older and hit maturity, I thinned out.....only I didn't see it. I still saw the girl who was being made fun of and as many of my friends wore clothes I only dreamed of...I wore baggy clothes to cover up my fat...like band-aids hiding and covering up the deep scars of my soul.

So I hid my eating and learned to "pick" in public when I was being judged and binge later. I wish I had a happy ending here to tell you it's all better....but it's not. People have still made hurtful comments. Most of the time in "whispers" as if I don't know or hear what they are saying. Those comments shock to me to core. I want to scream "I SEE MYSELF EVERY DAY IN THE MIRROR.   I DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL ME I AM OVERWEIGHT".......however instead that 7 year old little girl inside of me just cries and the 31 year old just eats.

I'm overweight....that's what I am....and please don't try to sit there and say that most of you haven't just judged me.

So here I am ....with my daughter.
With my gorgeous precious daughter who truly is perfect...

..to me.....

The world seems to think she's "big".

We were out having lunch today and the waitress came over to tell me how gorgeous my daughter is (well because she truly is breathtaking). I got my proud mama smiles and kept saying thank you as she gushed over the cuteness. And then it started....I knew where it was going....I have been there so many times in her short life. "How old is she?" My response "She will be five months next week". Insert overacted shocked look and the "Oh my she's big!".

And from what I noticed once those words come out, people don't stop. They always feel the need to explain to me WHY they said she's big and then compare her to other babies because obviously...ALL BABIES ARE CREATED EQUAL.

Today I listened to my waitress compare MY daughter to HER son...."She's much bigger than MY son and he's a month older than her". "My son was almost ten lbs when he was born." I respond "and so was my daughter". But then I need to OBVIOUSLY be reassured that my kid is big...because I forgot why we were talking...."She's just much bigger than him".

My mood changes from proud mama to mama bear and I want to maul this woman's eyes out of her head.

I was in shock, once again as I always am at the audacity of people, as I sat down with my friend. I was explaining to her how important it is to me that Sweet Pea doesn't grow up with the same hurt I did...no sooner did I get those words out of my mouth, another waitress comes over. She begins to tell me how beautiful my sweet pea is and like a fly attracted to shit, I hear our waitress say to her "Isn't she big though?".

SEETHING!

Yes you stupid moron.....my daughter is obviously overweight because I FEED HER COOKIES FOR BREAKFAST. That wasn't cereal in her bowl...it was cake batter AND her green beans that she has been eating have first been fried and smothered with butter. Does that make you feel better?!? Does it?!?!

SHE'S A FRIGGEN BABY!

The anger always turns to heartbreak as I look into her eyes. I don't want her to know this world. I don't want her to know these people exist.

All my life I have been referred to as "big boned". I'm built big....my husband is built big.   I think it's pretty inevitable where this is going.....

I will do everything in my power to keep her healthy and eating right. The little girl inside me will do EVERYTHING to make sure she doesn't know that pain or fear or for one second feel unworthy.

But in a world that is so fearful of fat, how can I keep her from feeling hurt when I have never been able to shelter myself from it?

Sweet Pea...the Inchworm

2011-08-15T12:06:00.000-04:00

Sweet Pea has become mobile....well sort of....

She isn't crawling yet per say! She can't quite figure out that she has to prop herself up to do that!!! Oh but my baby is moving...

She reminds me of this:

Yes that is an inchworm. My daughter has figured out how to move by doing the worm....

She pushes her bottom up into the air and then pushes off on her feet to propel her forward. The movements aren't huge yet. It takes quite a few tries to actually move off her play mat. But she CAN get OFF the play mat...which honestly scares the hell out of me..she is one step closer to crawling for real and then walking and then running and I have this little tiny fear that once she starts running she will just run to the door after she has packed up all her cute dresses and hair bows and she will say "see you both later FOOLS". I mean that's totally irrational right? RIGHT?

*deep breath* anyway....what was I saying??!?!

Oh yes...She does the inchworm........................and it's totally friggen cute!!!

LOVE HER!

Miss Independent

2011-08-09T22:28:00.000-04:00

I have never had a baby before...so I didn't know what to expect.

In my mind I had a vision of this cuddly little chubby baby that just wanted to cuddle and make cooing sounds all day. When I found out Sweet Pea was a girl, my mind started to wander further into the amounts of dress up we would play...

Me and my cuddly little baby.....

I should have known something different would happen when Sweet Pea proceeded to pick her head up off my shoulders at the age of 18 hours old! I had a room full of people in amazement! For me, I didn't know that wasn't normal. Since that day, I kept hearing about how strong she is....

Strong....That's a great way to describe her.

I gave birth to Miss Independent.

From the first minute, she continued to surprise us. She rolled from her tummy onto her back at just 6 weeks old. She rolled onto her tummy at 3 1/2 months! And just yesterday, as she was sitting on one of my legs and grasping my hands, she made a motion to stand up....used those little leg muscles and pushed up!! I was grasping onto her...she couldn't have possibly held herself up...but it's just a reminder that it's coming...

I continue to watch my daughter grow every day. She's doing new things that amaze us. Things way before "her time" and I am so excited for it and I love watching her grow.

But part of me sits and wonders where my little baby is going......I kind of feel cheated out of the cuddly newborn stage at those moments.

And then there is moments like before....where the world becomes too much for her, where the reality of all she is learning becomes overstimulating, and she cries. She cries and she looks around. She's not looking for her toy or her bottle. She's looking for her mama.....she's looking for me!

In that moment, when the world becomes too much, I can tell the instant comfort she feels when our eyes lock together. The tears begin to dry up the second my arms wrap her up like a warm blanket and the smile begins to creep across both of our faces.

I know what she's feeling because watching her grow up gives me the same feeling...where the world becomes too much...where the reality of what she is learning becomes overstimulating but I don't cry. No, I don't shed any tears until that moment where she nuzzles into my chest for comfort.....for safety....for love.

Miss Independent begins to talk to me in her sweet voice and tell me about all the important things in her world and I kiss her head repeatedly. I watch her tiny little hand grasp mine and sing her sweet songs as she starts to fall asleep.

In those moments, I know I still have my cuddly little baby....Miss Independent still needs her mama and I take every moment and just soak it in.....

....There will be a day when she cries for something else.....someone else....There will be a day when she no longer wants to nap on her mama, where mama's songs and cuddles don't fix everything! I'm preparing myself for that day....

..Ok I'm trying to prepare myself for that day.....

I spent my whole life being that Miss Independent and getting myself to this point.......

..I just never knew my heart could so dependently be in someone else's tiny little hands!

Today's PSA: Baby Socks

2011-08-03T21:21:00.000-04:00

Baby socks......public enemy number 1!

Who knew?

Oh these cute darling little pieces of clothing love to play games.

First of all, I have found that I have YET to lose one in the laundry. Apparently the little troll that I have living in my washing machine or dryer doesn't love to eat baby socks. No, they much rather prefer adult socks....

However, it doesn't matter much if I have both of them when I put them on Sweet Pea because in a matter of what seems like nanoseconds....one of them is gone.

Seriously?!? Where the hell do they go?!?!?

I feel like every single time I "notice" her feet.....one or BOTH of her socks are missing. I then spend time searching for said socks.....always find them in TWO different places....place them back on her feet...only to play the game again VERY shortly!

The socks are playing hide and seek with me.

Oh and my darling Sweet Pea is so happy to help those socks be the pain in the ass that they are..... She kicks and kicks and kicks. Part of me thinks she is getting ready to audition for the Rockette's.....or Michael Flatley Lord of the Dance....."His legs flail around as if independent from his body" (Here's another one of those things that if you understand, we are soulmates!)

I would normally just leave them off.....seems simple enough to do right? However, I have this voice in my head, or little woman on my shoulder telling me that she should have socks on so her feet don't get cold......come to think of it....that voice sounds a lot like my mom....

SO the thing is ...when I notice the socks are gone...I immediately grab her feet to check and make sure she isn't near hypothermia (yes in the summer).

Lately, I have taken to pulling her socks up all the way to her knees. My daughter looks all gangster with her shorts and socks up to her knees. (EAST-SIIIIIIDDDDEEE) This just prolongs the inevitable. The socks WILL fall off and I WILL lose them.

Honestly, in the sock commercial where the dad is dunking his son's feet in the glue to make the socks....I think he has the right idea. He must have been fed up with years of losing baby socks....I get it man.....I get it!

And don't you think for one second that I even CONSIDERED taping them up....cause I didn't! No way....not me! What lunatic would think of taping up their baby's socks??!! *whistles and turns my head around as if to look at everyone else to blame ...but me*

So please attention baby socks companies of the world, let's work together and FIX THIS! I know tape isn't an option...but velcro perhaps? I don't know...I'm just saying there would be a lot of happier mommies (and grandmommies) if there was SOME way in the name of all that is holy that these socks can stay on our babies little Fred Flintstone feet!

Thank you and Good Night!

An 80's Dream Come True!!!!

2011-08-01T21:28:00.000-04:00

I am an 80's child. Loved the neon colors.....loved the fashions....loved the music.

REALLY loved the music.

When I was really little....I adored Cyndi Lauper. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and all that!

Then as I got a little older, I kinda sorta became obsessed. I was ALL about New Kids on the Block and Debbie Gibson.

I was ALMOST positive I was going to marry first, Jonathan Knight (probably worked out for me choosing another New Kid to obsess over....being that Jonathan plays for the other team....which I just found out last night so I am obviously living under a rock!!!!) ...then Joey McIntyre! And in my pillow case wearing days as a "bride", Debbie Gibson was so going to be my best friend.

It was going to happen. I mean I was from Staten Island and she was from Long Island. We were both from NEW YORK! I remember being on Long Island driving to my Aunts and SEARCHING for her!

Debbie Gibson....Madison Square Garden.....My first concert.

As time passed, my dreams turned to real boys and real friends....and I soon I started listening to early 90's rap and my obsession....like my taste in music.....was obviously gone! (Oh who am I kidding?!?! 90's rap....AWESOME!!!)

I played the nostalgia card with NKOTB when they toured a few years ago. I went to the concert....did the "New Kids" dance (and strangely started obsessing over DANNY! WHO REALLY TURNED OUT TO BE THE HOT ONE!!).

And then in April, I saw it....DEBBIE GIBSON AND TIFFANY TOURING?!?!?!?

OMG!!!!!! YES!!!! PLEASE!!!!!

This brought a whole new level of excitement. This wasn't just some silly crush I had as a child. I ADMIRED her...I wanted to be her.....She was supposed to be my best friend!

Very Very Excited!!!

So the concert was last night...and here is the things I learned as an adult:

1- Some people so obviously still have their bedrooms wallpapered with their Tiger Beat posters.

2- Yes the 80's fashions are coming back....doesn't mean that you can still pull them off!!!!

3- No matter how "in fashion" the 80's are right now...it still looks ridiculous.

4- EVERYONE at the concert was on their phones...updating their facebook.....like seriously...EVERYONE!

5-The whole group of "Table 9" was at the concert last night (if you get that, I friggen love you!!!!!!!SOUL MATES!!!)

6- Both Debbie Gibson and Tiffany need to fire their stylists and hire me....I would have NEVER let them walk out in some of the things they walked out in!

7- Debbie Gibson is the new "Skinny Bitch" ...move over Bethenny! Seriously since I saw her in 88 or 89...I think she has eaten one sandwich....ONLY JUST ONE SANDWICH!

8- Tiffany, I appreciate your attempt at staying current...but please stick to 80's music. The audience was telling you something when no one was paying attention to you singing your country songs.

9- I will now be in 20 years of therapy seeing how skinny Debbie Gibson is! WAY TO MAKE ME FEEL OLD AND BAD ABOUT MYSELF!

10-I have an AMAZING memory when it comes to music. I still know every song by heart <3

11-My life has come full circle.....I went from dancing when I was 8 and 9 to these songs that I loved...so excited to grow up and get "lost in someone's eyes" to dancing to the SAME songs at 31 years old, as a gift from MY DAUGHTER for Mother's Day...having my heart and soul waiting for me at home.

The concert was perfect! I got to be that little girl again.......

But the best part of the night was coming home and realizing that every thing I dreamed about as a little girl was upstairs waiting for me <3

Sweet Pea Is A Rolling Stone

2011-07-26T22:01:00.000-04:00

ATTENTION PEOPLE: WE HAVE A ROLLER!

This...I did not expect!
This.....I was not prepared for!
This...............scares the crap out of me for crawling and walking!!!!!

That's right folks....my little sweet pea figured out the tough stuff....she rolled from back to tummy....BEFORE four months!!!!

Should I have been surprised? Probably not. She picked her head up at about 15 hours old and rolled from tummy to back at 6 weeks.   Progression of things...this is probably logical.

I blame Father Time...that bastard.

I remember not too long ago my husband asked when she would do that. My response "probably like six months" and we both exhaled a huge sigh of relief.

My daughter is already keeping us on our toes!!!!

You see it all started about a week ago when we were having family cuddle time and she rolled over in the bed. I thought to myself "oh what a cute little trick! There is NO way she could do that again! No way! As a matter of fact, I am almost CERTAIN that my body made a slope on the mattress for her (THANK YOU COOKIES!!!) and that's why it was so easy".

And I moved on (and ate less cookies).

Then a night or two later, she did it in her sleep. NO WAY! FLUKE!!!!!

Then the real test, I put her in her pack and play for ONE MINUTE so I could pee. I come out and she is on her stomach....WTF?!?!?!??

And it has been non stop ever since......she is flopping around so much that I have learned a new emotion at night

P-A-R-A-N-O-I-A!

My sweet pea loves to sleep face down on the mattress. For a few nights, my husband and I were seriously taking turns watching her!    Then we bought the ANGEL CARE

(*BTW THIS IS IN NO WAY AN ADVERTISEMENT. I WAS NOT PAID BY THEM FOR THIS OR GIVEN THE ITEM FOR FREE BUT IF THEY STUMBLE ACROSS MY BLOG AND WOULD LIKE TO REIMBURSE ME FOR IT..FINE BY ME....JUDGE ALL YOU WANT...MAMA NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES*)

It is so obviously called Angel Care because you can finally sleep enough that you hear angels singing in the morning!!!

So this is it folks...our new way of life. I have a roller who is now four months old.

Um...attention Father Time, if you even THINK about making her crawl soon.....I'm coming after you! If you think Mother Nature is a bitch....you just wait.....Hell hath no fury like a momma who isn't ready for her daughter to do "big girl" type stuff yet!

What a Difference a Year Makes!

2011-07-23T22:29:00.000-04:00

One year ago today, I ignored an important phone call.

One year ago today, I waited ten minutes before listening to the message.

One year ago today, I had to listen to that message twice.

One year ago today, my life changed forever!

One year ago today, for the first time EVER, I found out I was pregnant!

365 days of being with her.

365 days of wondering what I ever did without her...how I ever functioned before her!

365 days of her getting to know me inside and out.

365 days of love....the kind that takes your breath away.....makes you believe in eternal happiness....

365 days of the kind of love that makes you a better person.

I spent 10,996 days of my life without her....now I don't think I'd ever be able to spend a minute that way.

I love you my baby Sweet Pea <3

2011-07-21T21:58:00.000-04:00

I am human.

I have emotions.

I have a hard shell on the outside....but inside I am just mush.

I love big and fight big. This is what comes along with having a HUGE passionate heart.

I am outspoken....

.......determined......

....and as my husband can attest to...at times relentless!

I'm protective of my loved ones (as most of us are). I would do ANYTHING for my close family and friends.

Over time, I have learned that sharing blood with someone doesn't make you a family.

I've also learned that having no relation doesn't mean you aren't family!

I am tired of feeling hurt, rejected, ignored!

I have come to realize that the only people I want in my life and my daughter's life are those who want and need us in theirs.

It's truly that simple!

Sunday Dinner

2011-07-20T20:54:00.000-04:00

Each and every Sunday growing up, my family would pack into the car and head into Brooklyn. Each and every Sunday, we would leave later than we were supposed to...stop at the delicious bakery for pastries...and sit in Sunday traffic. Each and every Sunday my parents discussed how they would blame traffic for us being late...

Each and every Sunday, we went to Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Being at my grandparents wasn't particularly fun. Yes my older cousin was there but we were POLAR opposites. She was the tom-boy who played sports...I was the girl in the skirts who didn't like to be dirty. There was never ANY good TV on....as a matter of fact..nothing will give me chills faster now than the theme of MASH!

The adults always sat around laughing, while us kids were trying to fend for ourselves trying to find something to do. We played cards and bounced a blue ball in the hall at each other for what felt like HOURS! We would sit on the stoop...anything just to keep busy...anything to waste the time to dinner...

On the way home, I remember having to listen to 70's disco flashback night and thinking that I wanted to rip my ears off my head. My mom often had to stop at the deli and I remember a faint fragrance of bologna and ham as she purchased the meat for our sandwiches for the school week.

As a child, Sunday's at Grandma's were dreaded.

When I decided that I was moving away for college, I wanted to go far. I knew if I didn't leave NY then...I wouldn't and at 18, I felt the need to do something BIGGER. Our Sunday dinners had ended a year before when my grandparents decided to move to Arizona. I decided to go with them. I attended college and was fortunate enough to live with my grandparents. It was like Sunday dinner every night...except my parents were missing, my siblings were missing, my aunt and uncle and my cousin were all missing.

Two years later, my parents made the big jump and joined us in Arizona with my sister and brother. We were basically all together again. I was able to respect my family now as a young adult, not view them as an embarrassing burden to a teenager. I came to LOVE going to my grandparents house....I enjoyed the conversation I had with them over the table as we talked about anything and everything. I often chose this as my Saturday night...I still wouldn't have it ANY other way.

When my husband and I finally got married, I had to move to San Diego to be with him. I once again had to leave my family..with hopes of starting my own. My husband and I, both native New Yorkers who had Sunday dinner each and every weekend, found out pretty quickly raising children out West wasn't for us. We met lots of wonderful people but with most people, we found our values were different. It's hard to explain. I am not saying in ANY way that our values are better or worse....they were just different. Something we both found uncomfortable.

We knew we wanted to raise our family back East. The opportunity came to move back and we JUMPED on it! We now have Sweet Pea and we are doing everything we wanted to.......

......except Sunday dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's.

All of Sweet Pea's immediate family lives in different states. Arizona and Florida to be exact. With each day that passes, and as she begins to learn and explore new things, my heart hurts. I find myself trying to explain to my mother in words the cute things she does. I always try to get a picture in time or a video but it doesn't always work.

What hurts my heart the most....Sweet Pea will not know those Sunday dinners.

At 18 years old, I thought I had it all figured out. I was getting away. Spreading my wings. I figured I knew where I was going....

and today I realize, I only ever wanted to be home!

The Best Five Years of My Life

2011-07-15T15:37:00.000-04:00

We have been married five years today!! Even at our worst, this has been the BEST five years of my life....

(I totally stole this idea off my friend Beth...Thanks Beffy!)

I love you babe!

SLEEPING SWEET PEA!!!!!! (this is Caps and exclamation points exciting)

2011-07-12T07:01:00.000-04:00

For the past few nights, Sweet Pea has slept OVER 8 HOURS! Now this might not be a big deal to some of you (in particular my friend whose daughter sleeps about 22 of the 24 hours in a day....love you LV). However, here in this house, THIS IS HUGE!

I almost feel like I won the lottery....or an award of some type......

She likes me ....She really likes me!!!! Oh gosh, I don't even know where to start....

First and foremost, I would like to thank God and Jesus for inventing the Catholic religion, making my parents be a part of it, and teaching me (almost obsessively) that my daughter needs to be christened. *takes two fingers, kisses my lips, puts them up in the air as I look and point at the ceiling...I do this repeatedly...because let's face it...it's the cool thing to do while receiving an award and giving a speech*

I would like to thank the barrage of people that have come to visit my daughter all at once and have argued over holding her, keeping her awake from her much needed naps.

I would also like to thank my little nephew who is a ball of energy that my daughter has been watching intently....this is obviously tiring her out!

I would like to thank the priest who dumped holy water all over her face by accident, scaring her from ever enjoying future baths.

I would also like to thank that same priest for putting so much holy oil in her hair that I can't seem to wash out. She smells like a funeral home and looks like she belongs with the Thunderbirds in the movie Grease.

Obviously both of these things are making her sleep better.

Out of all the three people that have watched her overnight (in the next room over because I'm crazy obsessive), I'm honored and touched she chose ME to sleep through the night for. This was such a talented group....

And lastly I would like to thank you my friends for showing me the jealously of a sleeping-through-the-night baby...for which I am able to appreciate this and to humbly accept this award!

Thank y- AND SHE'S UP!

I Had A Mommy Brain Moment

2011-07-01T13:38:00.000-04:00

The lack of sleep is getting to me.....

......or maybe I was born an honorary "blonde".

I've done some silly things in my life. For the most part, I'm a smart cookie. I even have a Master's degree. I can hold my own in a conversation. I have my own opinions (and as many can attest to...I am not afraid to use them).

But I have these moments....these moments of pure "Why the hell did I just do that?".....

It was easy to blame on pregnancy brain before....now I will have to blame it on mommy brain...

So you want to know what I did huh?

Ok....

I was washing my face before bed last night. Used my favorite facial cleaner. Rinse...pat dry. I then grabbed my astringent, because let's face it, this baby has not been kind to my skin. I put it on a cotton ball and began applying it to my face as I thought of the bajillion things I need to get done.

After I rubbed it on 75% of my face, I began to realize it was burning more than normal....then I realized the smell!! OH THAT SMELL

My dear friends...I was not using astringent on my face....I was using NAIL POLISH REMOVER!!!!!!

I grabbed a cloth and started scrubbing! I rewashed my face TWICE. There was no way around it. My skin was RED! I kept a cool cloth on my skin til the burning stopped....all the while shaking my head in disbelief.

You better BELIEVE, I thanked God that this didn't happen the morning of the christening!

In my defense, they are the same color and they were right next to each other. That's what I get for cleaning up my bathroom counter and putting all the things I use frequently in one basket.

I prepared myself for the abomination that might have been my face this morning...but luckily, nothing...and that pimple on my forehead is even gone now (do not try this at home folks!!!)

Moral of the story: Do not go tired! But if you have to go tired... do not keep nail polish remover and astringent in the same place!!

I Have Entered the Olympics

2011-06-27T21:41:00.001-04:00

There was no training.

There was no way you could possibly train for this.

I'm not sure lifting weights prior to getting pregnant would have even helped.

What am I talking about you wonder? Trying to feed Sweet Pea!

This has become an exhausting and grueling Olympic style event.

My baby girl has started to see the world around her....not just see it but want to know ALL about it. I marvel at her interest in the simplest things; watching the fan go around, staring at the shadows on the wall, adoring the clouds as the drift by in the sky. She is learning and experiencing new things EVERY single day. I love when something as simple as watching the trees blow in the wind excites her. I want to show her the world....

......just not during feeding time.

This new found interest in all the world has to offer has made feeding her a bottle really hard! Who am I kidding?!? It's damn near impossible at times.

I like to think of it like something as simple as the bobsled. Everyone gets on board, you start off slow and gain speed as you continue on the course. This is our feeding time. Each time one of us settles in to feed our darling baby girl she always starts by taking the bottle and staring at our faces. This is the start of needing to wear a bib...not for her...for us. She likes to eat in a sort of snuggling position. When she stares at your face and you make eye contact, she smiles and as that smile spreads across her face, the formula runs out of her mouth down my shirt. I would take a thousand stains a day and ruin a thousand shirts for a lifetime of those moments.

Next she starts to get bored and her eyes start to wander....followed by her head simply turning from side to side. This is still the easy part....something hasn't caught her attention yet. That special something that just fascinates her is ALWAYS somewhere not easy to see...so she starts to twist into a pretzel to see it.

This is where the fun begins.

Adjusting her does nothing because she will very quickly lose interest and start to span the room for something new to engage all the while trying to keep eating. She EXPECTS to keep eating. As her head turns to each side faster and faster, the sweat begins to form on me.

At the height of our sport, it would probably resemble the exorcist meets Jackson Pollack. Her head and eyes are moving back and forth so fast that formula is flying everywhere because lets face it ...I CAN NEVER KEEP UP. My shirt and the furniture turn into Gerber style works of art.

And when that bottle falls out....OH THE SCREAMS. Those high pitched wails could wake the dead.....

But alas as our sport comes to a close, she starts to get tired and snuggles back in for some cuddles and possibly a nap.....

My sweet angel ...looking like this....


This is not actually Sweet Pea.....

And her dear mama looking like this

I can't wait until our next sport......eating foods...or the ever popular ..trying to change a crawling baby!

Happy First Father's Day To My Baby Daddy

2011-06-19T20:46:00.000-04:00

It is Father's Day.

My husband's first Father's day.

My father's first Father's day with a granddaughter. He already has an amazingly adorable Grandson from my sister.

My father in law's first Father's Day as a Grandpa!

I am actually a little surprised that I am way more emotional today than I was on Mother's Day.

I might even admit to you that I burst into tears running to the store, listening to the song Africa by Toto (Random!!!!!) thinking about our family.   OUR family....OUR FAMILY! I friggen love it!

There were several moments today where the tears just came.....

This morning, laying in bed with my husband and our sweet pea in between us cuddling. She reached out and grabbed his finger with her whole hand.....WA-TER-WORKS!

We sat outside and I was watching my baby take in the world. I looked at him, gazing at her and thought my heart was going to burst <3

Today has been an incredible, unbelievable milestone in our relationship! We worked hard to celebrate this day! Every year, while I would fall apart on Mother's Day, he would keep it together on Father's Day, remaining stoic. The struggle hurt us both to the core and each Father's day, I admired his courage. He would always brush it off...but the truth was...we wanted a family and we didn't have one...and it sucked!

So to my AMAZING husband, I am thrilled to say HAPPY FIRST FATHER'S DAY!!

I love you!!

           I love us!!!!

                       I love our daughter!!!!!

                                    I love our family!!!

Mom Public Service Announcement: What You Have In Your Child's Medicine Bag That Can Kill You...

2011-06-12T21:10:00.001-04:00

I'm not ashamed to admit that I am scared to death of all weapons.

You know the usual..... Machete's, Guns, Baby Nail Clippers......

Wait! What? You aren't scared of Baby Nail Clippers?!?! It's just me then....Fabulous!

I mean seriously, Look at this thing...

Just the sight of it makes me break out in sweats....

Oh and don't let that Safety 1st thing fool you...it's not a brand...It's a warning! Further proof...baby nail clippers are totally weapons.

Maybe I have been traumatized by stories of one too many babies getting cut and bleeding from these "harmless tools". I don't ever want Sweet Pea to get hurt ...EVER! NEVER, NEVER, NEVER do I EVER want to be the cause of it. I'm petrified of those little shark like jaws pinching her in the wrong way....

So I have nominated my husband the official "Nail Cutter".

The secret is....he is scared too.

What does this mean...My darling gorgeous little Sweet Pea has talons....

RAZOR SHARP TALONS.

Oh and that sweet little princess knows how to use them. By the looks of my arms you would think I owned a cat...or a tiger for that matter.

We have taken to filing them down but we need to get her at just the right time or there is an atomic explosion of high maintenance baby drama. Remember how I said that I don't want to ever hurt Sweet Pea, well confession, I also don't like to see her cry, with those big real tears.

I've tried the whole "biting them off". She balls her hands up into little fists and makes it impossible to do that. If I try while she is sleeping, it wakes her up. The only acceptable time to file seems to be while she is eating, which is a two person job. My husband and I are there on Team No More Scratches trying to file these talons down. There is sweat dripping from our faces and fear pouring out of our skin....one wrong move and this will all explode.....

The victory we feel when we finish...it's incredible. High fives all around. I will not have to put her anti-talon mittens on her that night!

And then she wakes up the next morning and I swear we start all over again. The talons are back...I think they are sharper than the time before.

SIGH.

And sometimes I just think it might be easier to go get those baby nail clippers and as I hold those tiny little things in my hand...the sweat breaks out again. The warning "Safety 1st" reminds me just how dangerous those are.....

..so I tuck them away and deal with the talons again.

I wonder how they would look painted...

Like Sands Through the Hour Glass......

2011-06-09T21:58:00.000-04:00

Last year around this time, I was having a nervous breakdown. I was counting the days, the hours, the minutes til my 30th birthday! Each day the cloud of gray over my head grew larger and larger. I had ONE goal in my life, to be a mother by thirty and as each passing second went by....it became inevitable...it wasn't going to happen.

I did a lot of soul searching during that time. I didn't know who or what I was anymore. I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize who I saw. Years of battling PCOS and infertility had taken its toll on me. The wear from the worry started to form wrinkles which were hiding behind the packages of cookies I had come to adore. I spent so much time focusing on 30...turning 30..being 30! It was my mile marker and I had come to pass it ...still childless.

If I wasn't someone's mom...who the hell was I?

You might ask why 30? It started when I was 21 and got diagnosed with PCOS. You see, I always planned to have my first child by 25..... I wanted more than ANYTHING to be a "young mom". Upon hearing this diagnosis, the doctor explained to me how this would affect my fertility and that it could be really hard to have a baby. The direct quote was (and I will never forget it) "The younger you are the easier it will be for you to get pregnant. By the age of thirty, it might be impossible".

Enter depression....serious depression....

I began to focus on that and it began to consume me. I NEEDED a baby. I sort of zoned it out after awhile....I tried not to think about it. We weren't married yet...I had time.

Of course looking back and knowing all I know now, it was IMPOSSIBLE for her to tell me that...or to predict that. She wasn't an infertile fortune teller. PCOS was still a "new" diagnosis back then....maybe that is generally what was believed...but analyzing the affect those words had on me..They changed my life.

Pretty soon 25 came and went, I got engaged and we were getting married at 26. That's when I set my sights on 30. It was SO far away. I wanted to be done having kids by thirty. Surely if we tried right away, we could have one or two by then.....30....30....30!

And as the years passed, I felt like I was on a scary ride I didn't want to be on. The rollercoaster was going too fast. I watched the clock go in fast circles as the ticking in my ears got louder and louder. Each day that passed was one day less I had! The pregnancy announcements got harder and harder to hear.....to the point that they would take my breath away. I would slip into a deep sadness for days, not understand why this wasn't working for us. Yet no matter how slow I felt we were moving towards having a baby, the moving sidewalk of time never stopped.

Two years ago, I began to just plead to be pregnant by thirty. When we started seeing our RE, Dr. Godfather....I had 10 chances.....and as each chance slipped through my finger..the inevitable became clear. I would NOT be pregnant by my 30th birthday and it really friggen sucked.

So last year, I tried to figure out who I was....what I was meant to be if it wasn't going to be a mom....

And I found after some serious soul searching that I had ACCEPTED it. I wouldn't ever embrace it...but I accepted it. I went into the July 2010 cycle as a realist. This most likely wasn't going to happen for us. I went through the motions of the cycle. My follicles were taking forever to grow. I was just glad I mastered the daily shots.

And on July 23, suddenly, wrapped up in a neat tiny little phone call was the answer to everything I had ever wanted.

We make plans and God laughs.

This year, around the end of May, my mother in law, who was visiting, brought me my birthday presents. MY BIRTHDAY!?!? I had been so consumed with Sweet Pea that I swear I honestly forgot it was coming. Here I sit less than a week away from turning 31 and I am finally a mom.

The ticking has stopped in my ear.

The roller coaster has slowed down and finally let me off.

And although that moving sidewalk might still be going, I have the hand of a little wonder in mine....and as each year passes and time goes on, I might start to wrinkle or get gray hair (OMG!), but my eyes will get to watch this precious baby girl grow and THAT will be the best thing ever!

So from now on, as I blow out my candles, I will no longer have to wish for her...because she is here....I will just take a deep breathe and thank god that, even on his terms, I am forever grateful that I got to be a mom.

Sweet Pea- The Birth Edition Part Three

2011-06-02T21:36:00.000-04:00

Ok so we left off where I had my "bumpy car ride" C-section...puked in my hair....shakes in recovery and FINALLY held Sweet Pea.

Moving on......

We had a three day stay booked at the hotel...I mean hospital! This place is BEAUTIFUL! Each room is private and had a place for my husband to sleep each night. The wonderful man he is stayed by my side the entire time (I'm sure the fact that I threatened his life if he left me didn't sway his decision AT ALL). I was so tired the first night. I don't remember much except holding my baby, the fact that Casey SHOULD have been kicked off American Idol and they used the save...on him, and they finally FINALLY let me have ice chips which instantly became my new favorite food after not eating or drinking ANYTHING for over 24 hours.

Sweet Pea wasn't nursing right away...we tried a couple of times that night...no go. I was devastated but her health came first so I told them to give her some formula. YES I told THEM to give her formula (P.S. if you are one of those preaching breastfeeding woman...I don't need to hear your comments...I know what's right for MY child...YOU don't! Thank you..come again!). People were in and out of my room ALL night checking my temp, blood pressure, the baby etc.

I was to stay in the bed for 24 hours so I had a catheter in. Let's discuss this shall we...I LOVED having the catheter!!!! After having to pee SO much ALL the time, I found it refreshing to not have to get up to pee for 24 hours!!! LOVE! The catheter was my friend..until they tried to take it out...I'll get to that in a minute!

Next morning, we tried breastfeeding again and she latched RIGHT AWAY. I was pretty stoked (if only I knew the heartache I would deal with over the next few weeks due to low supply). Our family was finally able to come and see the baby. I was still bedridden and threatened the life of anyone who took a picture of me with the puke hair and ear! Visiting hours were from 12-8 (yes that's a LONG time).

Infertility had sent my modesty right out the window prior to having a baby. You don't get to have doctors in your candy land at 6 in the morning and be ashamed about it. However, if infertility hadn't done it...breastfeeding would have. People just WALK into your room while your baby's dinner is hanging out. We tried the covers the first few times. I felt like they were smothering her! Plus I wanted to see her gorgeous face...so it seemed whenever someone new came into the room...my udder was hanging out! Oh well...what are you gonna do.....Sigh!

I was finally allowed up after what seemed like forever and was escorted into the bathroom by three nurses...GOOD THING...because I almost went down like a TON of bricks. All of a sudden I heard a buzzing in my ear and my eyes started to lose sight as my knees started to buckle. Next thing I know I have smelling salt shoved up my nose. That stuff is NO joke. I think I lost some brain cells from that. Nurse said my blood pressure or something crashed from the surgery. I was escorted back to bed.

I was trying to be what I felt was a good mom....I was turning down the pain meds unless I needed them. This all came to a point after I was forced to get out of bed and had a soap opera type meltdown from the pain. Suddenly my fabulous C-section wasn't so fabulous anymore. Lesson learned!!!! Oh and the catheter...the nurse SWORE to me it wouldn't hurt. I. SAW. STARS! I heard she didn't inflate the balloon all the way or something. If I had the strength I would have kicked her in the teeth!

The last time I had eaten was 8 pm Wednesday night. I was allowed liquids late Thursday and was kept on liquids until Saturday afternoon....um....WTF?!?!? We had to call and ask why I was being kept away from food! The response "Oops..it was an oversight". Gee Thanks!

The WORST part of the recovery was the gas pains. I couldn't even walk and of course that's what they tell you to do. I tried to take a walk with my mom...who made me laugh and then I cried the whole way back to my room. AWFUL. SERIOUSLY AWFUL!
We were released on Sunday morning. I was NOT ready to go home. It sucked! Thank god my family was here to help with the baby!

I feel like I am forgetting to tell you all so much!

Oh my genius daughter lifted her head up off of my shoulder at the age of 10 hours old. Yep! It must have been ALL that milk I drank during the pregnancy! Milk DOES a baby good!

Ok so that's where I will leave my birth story. I am sure there will be many addenda. I know you are all excited......
........try to sleep tonight though ok? =)

Sweet Pea: The Birth Edition Part 2

2011-05-30T13:00:00.000-04:00

Ok so I left off that the surgery was about to start.....

My adorable husband was brought in.....

....dressed in his Ghostbuster type garb.

There was a young Dr assisting in the surgery. I listened to my OB instruct him as he went. Very student/ teacher like. I just didn't even care. To be honest, I was as calm as a Hindu cow! I am assuming I was cut a little as I was asked "Did you feel that?" My response "Nope..not a thing". My OB then said "Ok..here we go".

How would I describe my c-section? Like a bumpy car ride. The table was shaking and to me it felt like a ride on a bumpy road. I had this HUGE light shining in my face and music was playing. I often thought about what was going on behind the curtain but it didn't phase me. I told you...MY DR. LONG ASS NEEDLE DID AN AMAZING JOB!

The anticipation of her was unreal. I felt butterflies...although I am sure it was a scalpel or something. I closed my eyes for one brief moment when they told me they were going to be pressing down to get her out. The four years of dealing with infertility flashed through my brain.....and then I heard this cry. This sweet angel like cry and I looked up and THERE SHE WAS! The light shining above her gave her almost a glow as I took in all I could in those brief moments. Her massive amount of hair was curly. She looked just like my husband. Tears were streaming. I instantly felt my infertile broken heart mend. It stitched up with each breathe I took. I prayed and I prayed and there she was, coughing out her amniotic fluid all over my face. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Sweet Pea born 5:23 pm on 3/24/11.

For those brief few seconds time stood still....

....And then everything went fast.

I remember saying to my husband that she looked just like him. He was soon whisked away to watch her get cleaned up and weighed as I closed my eyes again to listen to her cry. She was brought over to me...I stroked her face....I'm not sure all the things I needed to say in that moment came out but god knows I felt them. "You are PERFECT". "We waited so long for you". "I love you more than anything or anyone I have ever known". "You finally healed my heart" "You made me exactly who I wanted to me...your mom". She was brought to the nursery and I made my husband go with her and videotape as much as he could. I knew my family would be seeing her for the first time through a window and I smiled....for as much as my husband and I wanted her...they wanted her too. As long as we waited, they waited too. They shared in our heartache and tears and deserved to share in our happiness.

I'll never forget the song that was playing when I got to finally take a deep breathe and realize my surroundings.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
And the man at the back said
Everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz
And the girl in the corner said
Boy, I wanna warn ya, it'll turn into a ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz

So random...but instantly a new favorite song!

I laid there on the table....listening to the music with the big light shining in my eye and I pretended I was on a beach with the sun shining. I was just laying there tanning...and I actually think I fell asleep because the next thing I knew I was being wheeled into recovery and my husband was there to show me all the little videos he took of our Sweet Pea.

I was still feeling great but couldn't stop shaking so they had to keep giving me meds. After about 75 minutes I was finally being wheeled into the mother/child hospital rooms. I wanted Sweet Pea. I needed to hold her. I remember being pushed down the hall...visiting hours were just about over but as we turned the corner I saw my family...adoring my daughter and I felt so happy. They started to scream and yell and "woohoo" as soon as they saw us (We are very loud East Coasters). Everyone was telling me how beautiful she was and I was rolled to the window to see her.

We were brought down to the room and I immediately started asking for her. Each time someone came in...I didn't care who it was ..I wanted her! After a long wait (they were seriously overcrowded), she was brought to me and placed in my arms.

NOTHING HAS EVER FELT MORE RIGHT...IN...MY...LIFE!!!!

We were finally left alone! Me, my husband and OUR daughter.

My life was finally complete.....

(Part three to come tomorrow ..on our hospital stay)

Sweet Pea: The Birth Edition Part 1

2011-05-27T22:07:00.000-04:00

To say I was nervous is an understatement...

Yes I had a complete panic attack at 4 in the morning.

I had to keep telling myself that Sweet Pea couldn't stay in my tummy. Although it sounded good to me, it wasn't logical. I could barely carry her at the "10 lbs 6 oz" she was estimated to be.....could you imagine how big she would be graduating college. No, I had to do this. There were two ways out. This one was the most logical given the circumstances.

My C-section was scheduled for 2:30 on 3/24/11.

We had to be at the hospital by noon. We packed up our stuff...you know the bag, pillows, all of our family, and headed to the hospital.

You might be a little puzzled as to why we brought all of our family.

I like to refer to it as "My Big Fat Italian Labor" to have my big fat Italian baby! Coming to theaters soon!

Anyway....my hubby and I headed into labor and delivery and our families headed into the waiting room (oh to have been a fly on the wall in there).

We were taken back to the prep and recovery section for the c-section. I was given a gown and a whole bunch of paperwork. I was hooked up to fluids and monitors. I kept telling the nurse how nervous I was. Nurse one was amazing!! She was keeping me calm, answering my questions.

Then .....she was needed to assist a C-section of twins.......She was replaced with this:

Magda from There's Something About Mary

I instantly missed the other nurse.

It wouldn't be that bad. It was already 12:30...I only had two hours til surgery.

Nurse Magda then informed me they were running behind....The twins mom needed to go first so I got bumped back an hour or so.....

Ok...an hour...not bad...not bad...

That hour came and went and then Nurse Magda came back "We had an emergency. We had to move you back again. I am NOT going to be the one to call your doctor and tell him you got pushed back again".

Pushed back....AGAIN?!?! This wouldn't have been THAT bad.....

....if the contractions didn't start.

And these weren't nice little contractions...these were BACK contractions....and they were about five minutes apart....

To say that hour was agony is an understatement....a HUGE one!

I mean seriously...I thought the whole "plus" to having a c-section was NO LABOR. Figures Sweet Pea would give me some...just figures.

Finally they wheel out the "emergency"....I was on deck. Dr was called. Nurse Magda said they were going to rush me in before another "emergency" came!!

The anesthesiologist (phew that's a long word..he will be Dr. Long Ass Needle instead) came in and I burdened him down with all my fears. He explained the procedure...I continued to crap my pants (no not literally) and he left. My OB came next. I have never been so happy. He has such a calming quality to him...he was exactly what I needed.

I keep hearing the "I made you wait" emergency lady making noises from pain. I'll be honest ...didn't help! I hear her asking for more stronger drugs and I am ready to JUST. DIE!

It was finally my turn. I was wheeled into the room and I was instantly freezing. Um folks..I'm about to be naked up in here...thanks for the frostbite. I spent all day panicking about the epidural. Like serious serious fear. The funny part was my back labor was so bad...I WANTED THE EPIDURAL. Yes you read that right. I wanted the HUGE needle stuck into my back.

Dr. Long Ass Needle was awesome. Talked me through every step! It really only felt like a bee sting....and then instant happiness...the back labor was gone. I was ready to meet my daughter!

The happiness was short lived because I started to throw up....that sweet Dr. Long Ass Needle sat by my head and held the little kidney shaped bowl as I threw up stuff I ate for dinner last Christmas.

Another nurse came into the room and started to talk about the "I made you wait and have miserable back pain" emergency lady. She wanted MORE drugs. He then had to get up and leave my side. He tried to prop the kidney bowl up but it slipped and I wasn't done...and there it went...all down the side of my face....into my hair and ear...LOVELY.

Listen you stupid wench....I waited for this...this was MY TIME...All I kept thinking about was Joan Cusack from Nine Months

"This is MY MOMENT. THIS IS MY MIRACLE".

Dr. Long Ass Needle came back....curtain was up....dr's in place.....it's showtime!

(Part two tomorrow)

Sweet Pea's First Outing

2011-05-09T21:13:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my very first Mother's Day! I had an amazing day with my new little family. We decided to take Sweet Pea on her first outing and bring her to a place that mommy holds dear to her heart....a mall!

We loaded up a bajillion things. I think I had like three extra outfits just in case. The "in case" being a diaper blowout, or puke, or a diaper blowout AND puke. I had three bottles packed, because you never know, we could have a flat tire and be stuck somewhere for hours and then what. Along with the 15 diapers, two packages of wipes, 3 burp cloths and bibs...my diaper bag weighed like 50 lbs.....seriously...I would have gotten charged extra by the airline.

We got to the mall. My excitement was at an all time high. Not since before my pregnancy have I truly enjoyed shopping. This time I was shopping for her...my daughter...and I knew exactly what would look cute on her and exactly what sizes I needed to buy. We loaded up the stroller and I grabbed my cement filled diaper bag and realized there was NO PLACE for it. It didn't fit ANYWHERE on the carriage because of its size so I ended up grabbing a few essentials and leaving it in the car (I figured if she needed clothes, this would be a GREAT excuse to buy new ones).

I was so excited to shop...but then I realized as I pushed my gorgeous stroller, I was more excited to be pushing the stroller through the mall. How amazing is this?!? Shopping with my baby (who was sleeping)...perfection.

Then I noticed something amazing.....

It started at the front doors and continued throughout most of the stores, into the mall. People were SMILING at me. THIS. IS. HUGE. I'm sure I had that new mom glow that every new mom gets when she gets to the mall with her sleeping baby and her husband who HAS to shop with her because it is Mother's Day and he can't complain because all she really wanted that morning was to sleep in and it didn't happen so he bought her flowers and tried to make her happy all day. Even with my glow, I tend to be told that when I am not smiling I look mean. Bitch mean. Does this bother me? Not in the LEAST bit. Although it does lend itself to a lot of "what's wrong?" questions.

So even with my glowing bitch face...people were smiling.

They weren't pushing into me.....they weren't ignoring me. Many of them even said "Happy Mother's Day" (along with gushing over how truly beautiful Sweet Pea is.....cause she really is....I mean REALLY IS!)

My faith is restored in the world.

I wonder how long until Sweet Pea starts throwing tantrums, my glow turns into sweat from the tantrum, and people start giving me NASTY looks?!?! Mama bear bitch face activated =)

Adventures in Couponing

2011-05-08T22:02:00.000-04:00

So I am sure all of you already are fully aware that I LOVE to shop....OBSESSION! And unfortunately my true princess status hasn't been recognized yet so I have to use that ugly 6 letter word......budget *shutters*

Oh how I long for the days where I can just walk into Bloomingdale's and just purchase that $500 pair of shoes that I will only wear once. I dream about the days where I won't have to hock a kidney for my coveted Louis Vuitton that I have been drooling over for YEARS.

I wanna be a billionaire so friggen bad.....

Over the years, my shopping addiction and my budget haven't always seen eye to eye. I want the finer things in life....I NEED the finer things in life. This brings me to the most wonderful four letter word I have ever heard ......S-A-L-E! I am all about a sale....I thrive on it! I can rip a clearance rack up like nobody's business. Give me an extra percentage off and I might salivate. My math skills in percentages are AMAZING! I am all about finding a great deal.....

Enter Extreme Couponing. I have heard MANY things about this show for weeks before I actually got to watch it. I sat enthralled by what I was seeing. My eyes remained glued to the tv as I watched these people do something I have only imagined....shopped for almost nothing!!! It's like the clearance of all clearances. I said my whole pregnancy the Food Network channel was porn for preggos.....well this show...is porn for a shopper!

I'll admit, sometimes I am SHOCKED at the hoarding. Honey if you have one bajillion bags of cat treats and you don't own a cat...it's time to either buy one or get your head checked out by a dr.

So many logical questions arose during the show. Where do they get these coupons? How many do they end up throwing away? What store actually LETS them do that? Who the hell needs that many cans of Spam?

But most important...how do I DO THIS?!?!

I was on a mission....I'm a smart saavy shopper...I could do this. Not ANYWHERE to the EXTREME that they do...but on a smaller more manageable scale. I don't need 75 packets of taco seasoning but maybe having two or three would be nice.

That's it...it's on!

I went and bought my newspapers last week. I'm probably already failing because I paid for the coupons but the idea of wearing Sweet Pea in the Baby Bjorn while I dumpster dive for coupons was a little too much (and a little too gross). I clipped my coupons, separated them and made piles! I noticed my local supermarket was doing double coupons up to $2!!! THIS IS HUGE. So I sat and researched, made a detailed list, grabbed my coupons and was ready to go. I read the coupon policies before so I knew what I was up against.

Here we go....

We went to the store today and started filling our cart up with the items. I was walking on air...this was FABULOUS and fun!!!! Just as we finished, I told my husband to start loading our ONE cart up onto the belt while I ran to get this weeks paper. Half of my cart was loaded on the belt as I returned and noticed the DREADED sign! I swear it was like the apocalypse. 20 COUPON LIMIT. I almost threw.up.

It was our turn and I had WAY more than 20 coupons....I counted them quickly and had over 40.

This is what went on in my head:

Ok we just have to split it into two orders. Where is the detergent? OH SHIT HE IS SCANNING ALREADY. QUICK! THINK FAST! OMG!

Enter MAJOR hyperventilation mode! My brain couldn't process the separation. I tried to work it out with my husband but each item he scanned, the beep felt louder and louder. All I kept thinking was how I was FAILING at shopping. This is MY sport....I'm Olympic gold at this and I am FAILING.

The cashier....AWESOME. He talked me through it...seriously...sweet young kid! He wanted me to use the coupons! He mentioned the show...he wanted to see how low I could get it!

Game back on......

I made some mistakes. I didn't fully understand the process but hey Rome wasn't built in a day and I'm learning. We got our $250 dollar order down to $90! That's nothing to shake a stick at! I didn't go crazy....we won't be eating Tuna until 2031. I got enough for us....for my family to be comfortable. I vowed in my head before I started this that multiple times a year I will clean out and donate what we don't use and I will NEVER take what won't be used (hear that crazy non-cat owner lady?!?!?).

The cashier...bless his heart....said I should be on that show. I felt the inevitable nervous breakdown ensuing. I couldn't handle ONE cart...I could never do 3 or 4 carts full. If necessary, I will have to make smaller trips. Shopping is exercise anyway right?!?!

Now if I could just figure out where to get more coupons......

My First Mother's Day ....HALLE-FRIGGEN-LLUJAH!

2011-05-07T22:48:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. The past few years I have tried to avoid Mother's Day like the Plague. Yet no matter how I tried to stop it...it kept coming! Everywhere I looked was "I love mom" stuff and I'm not heartless, I DO LOVE my mom....but knowing how much I wanted to be a mom myself, this holiday was hard to take.

Every year while everyone else celebrated Mother's Day....I celebrated "Un-Mother's Day". Just like every day that isn't your birthday is your "Un-Birthday"....well that day was always my "Un-Mother's Day"

I have two posts here about it (here and here)

And then my miracle happened......

Tomorrow, thanks to my beautiful daughter, I will get to celebrate my FIRST Mother's Day. Is it wrong of me to think that I deserve a parade of some sort?!?! Ya know, each Dr and Nurse could have a float and I could be like Santa at the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, adorned with jewels and a tiara, being pulled by white horses in a carriage......sounds fitting no? NO?!?! Fine, I'll settle for a skywriter wishing me a Happy Mother's Day!

As I picked my daughter up this morning and smothered her with kisses, I thanked God for giving me this. Her sweet smile made my heart melt and I instantly knew in that moment why my mother made every decision she made for me. I understood every time she said No for my own good. I pictured all the grief I must have caused my mom as a teen and an image of my future with my daughter flashed through my mind. I looked at her and smothered her with more kisses, realizing that I don't want there to ever be a day where I can't do that. I wondered how my mom has restrained herself....how even at the age of thirty, she doesn't smother me with kisses.

This type of love is amazing.

I just started my life as a mom and I realized how instantly my life changed the second she was born. Things that were so important before became trivial and things I have never cared about became super important! They say motherhood is an instinct women have.....something they will just know how to do....and while that may be true...I know deep down in my heart...I had the BEST teacher and hope that one day my daughter will be sitting and looking back on her childhood with as much admiration and love as I do mine!

From Hole Hearted to Whole Hearted

2011-04-24T07:56:00.000-04:00

Oh the difference a year makes!!

Last Easter, I cried because I felt empty.... hole hearted (read that blog post here)

This Easter, I am crying because I feel so complete....whole hearted!

Sweet Pea is one month old today!

Our first holiday as a family.
Our first visit from the Easter Bunny!

Today I will be counting my blessings! Happy Easter!

My Dearest Sweet Pea

2011-03-23T22:35:00.000-04:00

This has been a long journey.

For the past four years, all I have known out of life was how much I wanted you....how my life felt empty without you.....how I knew I was destined to be your mom! Daddy and I lived our days enjoying our life together but yearning for you to be a part of it. We worked together with many doctors, had many early mornings, we did everything we could. All the heartache that we felt now makes sense....for if ANY other cycle worked...we wouldn't have you sweet baby girl.

My heart can not wait to know what life is like with you in it!

The past 39 weeks with you in my belly have been amazing. These past few weeks will be something I never forget. I will always cherish laying in bed in the middle of the night, rubbing my stomach with daddy sleeping next to me. This was our time. I would rub where I knew your butt was and you would put your little butt up in the air. I loved every minute of it!

I have dreamed of laying my eyes on you for the very first time. I have dreamed of holding you in my arms and seeing daddy do the same. I know the moment I see you, the world will be different. The moment I hold you, my heart will grow a billion sizes and the moment I see daddy holding you, my life will be complete.

I have never loved two people more in my life.

I listened to a Celine Dion song over and over the last few months......and this quote is so true:

And the world thought I had it all.....but I was waiting for you......

Tomorrow you change my life.....tomorrow you make me a better person.....tomorrow I become the person I always wanted to be....your mom.

I love you sweetheart!!!!

With a million kisses,
Your Mommy

Thanksgiving day!

2011-03-23T16:36:00.000-04:00

My OB sent me for a growth scan ultrasound to check on Sweet Pea. When we had her weight checked at 35 weeks, she was measuring on the large size.....6lbs 15 oz.

On Monday at my 38 week check up, he decided to send me for another one to see what we were dealing with. Babies are expected to gain about a half a lb a week so I think we were figuring somewhere in the 8's.

Today was that ultrasound. The ultrasound tech said with a look of puzzlement on her face "The baby is measuring a little large".

Here I am expecting high 8's or low 9's.

"10 lbs 6 oz" she said

My knees almost buckled. It seriously took my breath away. WHAT?!?!?

The dr had explained to me that there is a lb margin of error EITHER WAY. So she could be in the 9's but she could be close to 11!!!!

I couldn't process this....I only gained 17 lbs the whole pregnancy!!!

I called my OB's office immediately! The nurse was SHOCKED....just like the rest of us!

I was told the dr would review the report and call me back.

After a two hour wait, the phone rang:

"Hey Jennifer, it's Dr. Hawaiian Tropics. Oh! My! Goodness!!!!!"

"I know.....I am having a turkey apparently...not a baby"

"Well let's make tomorrow Thanksgiving then".

And just like that we had a plan and it was perfect <3

Check Please!

2011-03-13T22:22:00.000-04:00

I am 37 and a half weeks pregnant!

I can't believe how fast it went! Wasn't it just yesterday that I was hitting the ignore button on my phone call from Nurse Christmas because I did NOT want to hear "You are not pregnant" again?!?! It felt like a week ago that I sat and starred at my phone trying to get the courage to listen to the message she left. Aren't my cheeks still wet from the tears that instantly started cascading down my face as I listened to the message, not once, but twice because I was SURE I heard her wrong?!?!

I remember everything about that day....the song I heard leaving Dr Godfather's office after having my blood work drawn...the excitement in my husband's voice when I called him at work and told him our four year nightmare was over......the reaction of each of our parents.......

...But most importantly how I INSTANTLY felt different.....instantly felt like everything in the world made sense and that my whole life led up to that moment......

Fast forward nine months.....

Here I sit on the brink of being able to hold my miracle....the one we prayed for so hard....the one we worked so hard for.

To say I am emotional is an understatement.

I already told my daughter when she first meets us I will be crying and I will probably cry for a couple weeks after that every time I look at her. But I also told her not to worry.....these tears are purely tears of immense happiness.

Thinking about seeing and holding her makes my heart swell up.....

With all that being said, the physical chapter of this stage of pregnancy has been torture. I am uncomfortable.

I have the waddle down....I've definitely perfected it.

We tried to go walk around a store yesterday and I barely made it to the back of the store and I was near tears from the back pains.

My bladder has all but given up on me!

BUT...

The past few nights I laid in bed in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, and I feel this body part sticking out of my belly. I think it's her butt.....so I rub it! Each and every time, she presses that little bum up against where my hand is and each and every time my eyes fill with tears.

Although I will deeply miss that....I'm ready for her...to pick her up and cradle her in my arms and to smother that gorgeous little face with four years worth of kisses.

I am ready to welcome our miracle into this world......

CHECK PLEASE!

Adventures in Shaving

2011-02-27T21:26:00.000-05:00

If anyone asked me an hour ago what I thought was the worst part of pregnancy so far...I would have said the morning sickness, or the intense pelvic/ leg/ hip pains that I have been having. I might have even said it was the worrying I have had.

I now know the worst hell.....it's called third trimester shaving.....not just ALL third trimester shaving......the last couple of weeks third trimester shaving.

This seems almost comical to me because THIS is the time when you need to be shaven the most. Weekly dr's exams and then of course birth..... God must have had a good laugh when he said "I'm gonna make their hair grow like crazy....I'll make their belly hard as a rock....and THEN I'll make the baby come...." You just so know God is a man!

I have my first weekly appointment tomorrow in which my dr will perform his "Groundhog's Day" exam (as my husband so cleverly calls it).

We all know that the groundhog comes out once a year and predicts when Spring will arrive based on if he sees his shadow or not. Tomorrow my dr will predict when Sweet Pea should be joining us. Of course, we realize this is a total guess...He could tell me it's gonna be awhile and then I go into labor the next day. Or on the other hand, I could already be dilated and stay that way until my due date. However, it's fun....I'm anxious to hear what he says.

So obviously I am getting an exam tomorrow which means it was time to break out the razor and shaving cream to scrape the Yeti away. I knew I wasn't going to be able to reach all of my leg and that I would possibly need help. I had help on standby (THAT is the definition of LOVE!). However, five minutes into this adventure I had a squirmy Sweet Pea, a ACHING back and a waterfall of tears on the brink of spilling!

This is when I got crafty......and got the job done to the best of my ability (and I HONESTLY don't care!!!).

There might have been the use of an upside down garbage can.

I might have used a folding chair.

There was definitely an abundance of towels everywhere.

Things flowed ......and my tag team partner was on standby.....

However, being tagged in resulted in the use of band-aids....

So I reserved the right to use that for emergencies!

I am ready for my Groundhog's appointment tomorrow.....(even though I might have zebra type stripes on some parts of my legs...That's ok....I ROCK the look!).

Sweet Pea...The Science Experiment

2011-02-16T13:07:00.000-05:00

We are all fully aware that making a baby involves biology.....a topic in school I was never good at (really ALL science).

Sometimes I would fail biology tests in school...and in turn, in the school of life, biology failed me......

Our journey to Sweet Pea can easily be described as a four year long science experiment.

We all know the steps of the scientific method.....

Problem- I can't get pregnant

Hypothesis- I think it's due to my PCOS

Materials- Loads of blood work, the pitiful HSG dye test, many many early morning monitoring appts with ultrasounds, Clomid, shots, ovulation kits, pregnancy tests, tons of tears and heartache, and all the materials needed for six IUI's.

Procedures- The fun starts on cycle day 1 with the arrival of the Queen of Broken Hearts...and the hits just keep coming from there. Do this....Do that....Don't do this...Don't do that....pretty much the cycle was hurry up and wait....hoping for a "yes"...devastated when you heard "no".

Results- Many many tears cried over failed cycles....and then many many tears cried over the one that worked!

Conclusion: There is something to this "trial and error" thing.

Ok so you get the point......Sweet Pea was a very very long science experiment!

There aren't enough words to express the joy of conquering the experiment......I finally made biology my bitch =)

Then I realized this morning, I am embarking on a whole different type of experiment now......motherhood.

The realization (and panic) set in this morning when I had a mini freak-out about the fact that I don't know how to do baby laundry. WHY WASN'T THIS TAUGHT IN HOME EC?!?!? Do I wash EVERYTHING??!?!? What cycle do I use? Can I dry it all?

It was all so much more complex than the bottle of Dreft I purchased! I was probably over thinking everything....but I am so worried to make a mistake. I worked too hard at this to not be perfect at it and while I do expect a few mommy fail moments....the thought of them coming at the risk of my daughter made me feel ill.

Luckily, I have some amazing people to ask my silly questions too and they helped me! But I realized, I am going to be full of silly questions......

Sweet Pea will become another experiment. The "first child science experiment".

Wish us luck =)

The Hair Affair!

2011-02-15T14:31:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, I am an out of work teacher. The job economy for teachers sucks here in NJ! After we moved here, I spent a YEAR trying to find a job and only got called for two interviews!!!!! I finally had to take something in my field so I took a part time tutoring job (which I hated). After our big scare in August, it was an easy decision for us to let the part time job go (which basically brought in NO MONEY anyway). Along with letting my job go, I let my pedicures and manicures go too.....I also knew getting my hair done often would be a big expense....so I sacrificed!

After my four year journey with infertility, it was finally time for MY baby shower this past weekend. I decided, after a huge internal debate, to go and get my hair done that morning. Nothing crazy, just a trim and a style. After all I stress I dealt with over the last four years, I think it was well deserved.

Here's the thing with my hair.......I HAVE A LOT OF IT! Not only is there A LOT of it ....it is THICK AND CURLY!

Here is a picture of my hair

I often find myself struggling to find a hairstylist with curly hair experience. The worst is when I go for a haircut with someone who doesn't understand my hair. Once I told the lady I wanted my hair to my shoulders....well she cut my hair to there and DIDN'T account for the curls......NIGHTMARE......

I decided to go to the place I went to the last time I got my hair done. I had it colored, cut and blown out for about 110 dollars. I THOUGHT THAT PRICE WAS FABULOUS. What normally happens to me is once I ask for a blowout, the price SKYROCKETS!!!!

So I made my appointment, decided against the blowout, I wanted to wear my hair curly.....just styled better.

I even went prepared with pictures...I wanted this:

I walked out with this:

Livid wasn't even the right word!!!!!

Here's the thing....when I called to make the appt I MADE SURE I said "Are you sure an hour is enough for a trim and a curl on long thick curly hair?" I was reassured by the OWNER that it was. Ok!

The poodle look took over 2 HOURS!!!!!!

I showed her the picture.....I explained I just wanted tighter curls WITHOUT the frizz.

She asked about parting my hair ...I told her I don't want the Mcdonald's arch's on my head...she decided to zig zag the part....I was ok with that.....I mean after all we are in jersey...there had to be SOME type of volume right?!?!?

I should have worried when she pulled out a SMALL curling iron and started on my hair. If I was doing it, I would have used a BIG iron and supplemented with smaller curls later.

I also should have worried when she used NO PRODUCT after the curls. I have had my hair curled before...they have always sprayed EACH CURL because of my frizz!!!

After sitting for over two hours.....VERY PREGNANT, she spun me around and the words that came out of my mouth were "You are fixing this right? I look like a poodle". My hair was flat as all hell on top and then curls....curls that already started to frizz. She said "That is why I wanted to part it on the side" YOU NEVER SAID THAT!!!!!

I asked about product .....I was told "It will weigh your hair down".....um what?!?!?

She started to try to fix it by putting tighter curls in the top.....I feared this was my inevitability:

at which point I said "Just stop....I am out of time ....My shower starts in less than an hour..I am going to miss it! I will play with it when I got home".

Enter the bitchy attitude from the lady.......

Enter the really bitchy attitude from the preggo.

I tipped her what I thought she deserved .......which I figured would have been about 15- 18% of what they were going to charge me ...

Imagine my surprise when I got to the front and he said "$110". I almost fell over....I HAD A TRIM AND A STYLE!!!!! He was the reason she didn't have enough time. As much as I wanted to punch him square dead in the teeth...I paid it with a grimace and left PISSED OFF!!!

I had just enough time to run home, change and put as much product as I could in my hair to try to save it. I took a cue from Willow Smith and whipped my hair back and forth....came out with what I thought was presentable and ran to my baby shower....fifteen minutes late...still fuming.

I could have done a better job myself....and saved the money.....That's what I think pissed me off the most!

And then after I just couldn't take the frizz anymore.....I did this:

and enjoyed the rest of my much anticipated party =)

Nesting

2011-02-04T16:32:00.000-05:00

I have always heard about this crazy cleaning energy a woman gets prior to having a baby called nesting. I always pictured it as like the Mama bird prepping for her babies by building a nest. I might be right...I might be wrong...be really, who cares?

A serious lack of energy through out most of this pregnancy had me yearning for these days. The days where I wake up wide awake in the middle of the night and just HAVE to clean out the closet I have been avoiding. I might be sick...but I couldn't wait.

And then after all that waiting...the time arrived...yesterday...

There was no major closet organization. There was no big huge grand rush of energy.

I took a toothbrush.....to my stove.

Yep! You read that right. I looked at the stove and it annoyed me! I was pissed at the site of it. I HAD TO GET THE DIRT OUT OF THE CRACKS. I stood scrubbing with a paper towel over and over....it didn't work. And then I remembered that huge bag of Halloween toothbrushes we had....and seriously...it was like I hit the lotto. There I was sitting in a chair in front of my stove with the 409 and my bright orange toothbrush, scrubbing and wiping and scrubbing and wiping.

My stove was the cleanest it will ever be....

And I needed a serious nap.....

So I slept three hours....jealous?!?!

I still have about 8 weeks to go....so I am sure this is the beginning of my nesting. Maybe I will have that grand burst of energy one of these days. Maybe my closet will get organized after all....

One can only hope!

Sweet Pea- Apple of My Eye

2011-02-01T12:02:00.001-05:00

So I decided to go private! It's been a long time coming. There were people I wanted NOTHING to do with that were stalking my blog. I felt that I couldn't talk openly or freely. This is just better all around. I'll be able to share more about Sweet Pea this way. I thank you all for wanting to still read and follow along!

I am finally able to say "I WILL BE HAVING A BABY NEXT MONTH". I can't believe it is February already. January sucked...seriously! I'm ready to have an amazing and wonderful year!

My friend sent me a link to this song. It's one of those songs that keep getting stuck in your head...because it is so an overplayed commercial. No matter how many times I heard it...I never heard the name of it.

How fitting that it's Sweet Pea =) Enjoy!

We Have A Crib!

2011-01-30T22:05:00.000-05:00

There is a crib. In my house. For MY BABY!

I honestly don't know if I should jump up and down on the bed screaming for joy, sit down and cry from happiness, or throw up from nerves because we are in the home stretch.....

I do know that I will NOT like to do all three at once....jumping up and down on my bed while crying and vomiting doesn't sound like much of a good idea.

So I decided to blog instead......

Standing back and taking a look at this beautiful crib.....the one I have had my eyes on for what seems like forever, was enough to take my breath away. (a quick side note....sweet pea might have also been the cause of my breath being taken away....they aren't kidding when they say sometimes it's hard to get a good breath!!).

I see her nursery coming together....slowly before my eyes and my heart and head are trying to catch up with what that all means. It seems overwhelming because it still feels unreal at so many times.

My heart and head can take however long it needs to process all of this information....because it's moments like these when I want to make sure I NEVER FORGET ANYTHING!

The Pregnancy Rock and Roll

2011-01-28T16:34:00.000-05:00

So last night I was laying in bed, watching some of my favorite trashy reality TV, when I suddenly HAD to pee. At 31 weeks pregnant, I am used to this already. My bladder has been flattened to the width of a pancake...and as if that isn't bad enough, I feel my darling little Sweet Pea aims her kicks at it sometimes.

So easy task right??!?.....get up....use the bathroom...get back into bed....

It was at some point in between the gracefulness and sexiness of me trying to get out of bed that I started laughing.

I could just imagine what someone watching me would have seen.....

There might have been some rocking involved......

There might have been some rolling involved.......

(Ah yes....the ever popular Pregnancy Rock and Roll)

There might have been a point where I just flung what I could off the bed in prayers that I didn't land flat on my face......

What was I saying? Oh yes.....So graceful......So sexy!

Silly me, in the beginning of the pregnancy, thought I would have this belly thing down pat. I thought my fluff prepared me for this...But all too soon I learned this lesson.....

Lesson # 87132637890: Belly fluff is bendable...Baby belly is not.....

And we still have 9 weeks to go.....

Here's hoping if my water breaks while I am in bed that I will be able to Rock and Roll myself out of bed before Sweet Pea arrives =)

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

2011-01-16T17:26:00.000-05:00

About 12 1/2 years ago, I made a split decision that changed my life. I kissed my best friend. There we were sitting in a car talking and I just did it. It was in that one second decision that I set the course of my life. I began to fall madly in love with my husband....

It was the Best Decision EVER!

As many of you know, my husband and I met in high school...became best friends....and started dating after graduation (which just happened to be right before we left for college...in different states). We decided to stick it out....after all I had already made my mind up that I was marrying him...and we dated long distance ....for a very LONG 8 years.

I waited....sometimes patiently.....but most of the time impatiently...because as the ever clever Harry from When Harry Met Sally stated "when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible".

And then it happened....we got married. The sun shone....the sky was blue...and our guests, well ....they almost melted (117 degrees in Arizona on the wedding!). The day was perfect. Our relationship was perfect. My husband was perfect.

In analyzing my life and the choices I made, I don't regret a single step of any of it. We had such a strong foundation from being best friends prior to dating that NO amount of time or distance could separate that bond. At times it was rough and there were days and moments where I felt I couldn't go on....but I pushed through and saying "I do" was the sweetest victory in what was to that point, the most challenging part of my life. We grew up as individuals and came into our own, as both a couple and adults. At 26, we knew who we were and we knew we could tackle marriage.

We rather quickly moved into the stage of dealing with infertility. I once again had to deal with the pain of knowing what I wanted and wanting it so badly and just simply having to wait.

And we waited....and we waited.....four years. Once again, there were days when I was convinced I wouldn't survive.....that my heart couldn't handle the ache it felt for our child. I learned to cope, sometimes barely. The infertility tested our marriage and our relationship more than the distance did. There were so many lows, and let me tell you, those lows are the worst. My husband's shoulder has hours of tears tattooed to it. Both of our hearts bear indescribable marks of pain. Maybe in the beginning, we let it affect us. Maybe we fought more than we should. Maybe I was wrong to think and feel that he would never understand.

But then something magical happened, we rose above it. We realized that we had the same goals and we wanted the same things and the only way to defeat infertility is to take it out....together. Our relationship has never been stronger.

I laid in bed last night and thought about how long I wanted Sweet Pea....how long we both waited for her. How we have both grown up so much during these four years and how our relationship has blossomed. I thought about how lucky my daughter is to already have parents and a huge family that has dreamed about her for so long. So many people to love her, that want to hold her, that want to give her the world.

There was NEVER a thought about not wanting this little baby. There was NEVER a time where we wondered if we were ready to be parents....because we have both known for some time what the answer was. Everyone knew it.....it was one of the things I was proud to have written on our faces.

There are still moments where I can't believe I am pregnant.....that I can't believe I am in my third trimester...that I can't believe I am getting the daughter I always dreamed about. And I think back to that day, our wedding day, when I put my dress on and had the same disbelief about marrying my husband. I couldn't believe I was finally marrying him. It truly took those moments of hope and dreaming for all those years for me to realize how special that day was and how I know that I will hold it so close and so dear in my heart forever.

The day our daughter is born will be like that day......times infinity!

......Good things come to those who wait......

Baby School

2011-01-03T11:11:00.000-05:00

My husband and I started our prenatal classes yesterday. To say I was nervous is an understatement....My stomach was actually doing flips (and not cute Sweet Pea flips). It's kind of like that nervous feeling you get on the first day of school combined with the anxiousness you get when you want to do something really well......I'm surprised I didn't puke!

This is our first baby and while I have some experience with babies, my husband has none. While I *think* if I was to take her home tomorrow, we would fair ok....the thought still scares the beejesus out of me! I understand a lot of parenting in the beginning is learning and trial and error...I don't want my daughter to be an experiment for us. We worked too hard to have her...this is why baby class is so important to me!

I had the kind of nerves yesterday like if I failed (the class...which I couldn't possibly...there are no tests...but still) I would be branded an unfit mom.

So we got to the class. I don't know if it was seeing the other nervous faces around me that calmed me or what....but I relaxed a bit when we sat down.

We had to go around the room and introduce ourselves. I had my whole infertility speech prepared. I'm not ashamed. It's who we are. It's why our daughter is already our whole world. As I listened to the other people speak in generic terms, I decided for ONCE I was going to let myself just be pregnant. I wasn't going to put up the asterisk next to tummy that tells everyone how many IUI's we did or how long it took us. After MONTHS of feeling like I didn't belong in their (pregnant moms) group, I let it go and just enjoyed fitting in.

There was so much information thrown at us yesterday and I must say I am proud that I already knew at least half of it. It definitely helped those "not good enough" feelings go away.

I found myself near tears at a whole bunch of points of the class.....I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS SITTING THERE!

I also found myself smiling a whole bunch.

We were lucky enough to do the hospital tour last night. I have already been there with the bleeding scare but I didn't get to see the whole maternity wing. Let me just reinforce that I LOVE MY HOSPITAL! Yes, it's quite a drive for us but IT'S BEAUTIFUL and absolutely perfect!!! <3

So there we were, with the eleven other couples, standing in one of the many labor and delivery rooms. Listening to all the talk about the process of labor was interesting.....however it also induced hot flashes and feelings of nausea. The longer she talked the harder I found it to stand. The room felt so small and I was a slight bit panicked. (A special thank you to the preggo that just HAD to keep asking more questions....)

I am 50% sure that I am too chicken to deliver this baby!

Once the tour moved on, I felt better. It was a slow night so we didn't get to see any babies in the nursery but just walking around the hospital and knowing that I will be there soon was amazing.

We left the hospital excited and hopeful (but of course I am still freaked out...just a little!)

We have three more classes to go. Next Sunday, we have to watch 3 films of births.

THEN....I will be 100% sure I am too chicken to do this.......

When One Door Closes.......

2010-12-31T21:24:00.000-05:00

2010

The year of the roller coaster....the year of the ups, downs and gut wrenching moments.

I spent the first half of the year trying to get pregnant and the next half the year praying I stayed pregnant.

I finished my masters degree!

We went on our first cruise!

I turned thirty and realized that God laughs at you when you make plans (which is so evident from my pregnancy the month AFTER I turned 30 and cried about not having the family I always wanted).

We had the happiest day of our life on July 23....finding out after four years of trying that we were finally going to have a baby....

We also had the most terrifying morning of our lives a few weeks later when we thought we were losing Sweet Pea.

I've met some new amazing people.....people who have surprised me with their kindness...people who have become dear friends who I know will be around for a lifetime.

We moved.

I have managed after 12 years together, to fall deeper in love with my husband. To fully comprehend that I would be empty and lost without him in my life. To be grateful for his love and support EVERY day.... There is something to be said about the harmony we have found in each other.

I close this year feeling blessed. Understanding that each moment is precious....every dream is worth fighting for....and hope is how you get from the lows to the highs.

I shut the door on 2010 and take a deep breath.

2011

A year full of excitement

A year full of my dreams

The year of my dear Sweet Pea.

The year I will finally become a mother.

What. A. Day!

2010-12-21T21:59:00.000-05:00

What an exhausting 24 hours......

It all started last night when I just HAD to go to sleep early....however...It was one of those sleeps where you really aren't in a deep sleep. I was tossing and turning...over...and over....and over....

I had gotten up to use the bathroom and checked my phone and had an email from a dear blog follower just checking to make sure I was ok because I hadn't posted in awhile. Over the last few weeks, I was feeling more comfortable in my pregnancy, especially because I am able to feel little Sweet Pea's movements. I wrote back with confidence that everything was great and that I was busy.

Insert the heartburn from hell......I couldn't lay down without it feeling that my chest was on fire. So I sat up....it was about 2:15 this time and I started to play on my computer. I remembered about the eclipse and started to watch it from our sky lights. It was amazing. I read somewhere that it only happens once every 2000 years. I laughed to myself because I feel the same way with pregnancy and me!

I finally feel asleep about 3:30ish.

I awoke this morning as my husband was getting ready to take his shower...I told him I had to pee first. I ran into the bathroom...did my business and wiped as usual. Now awhile ago I had written a blog post how I was a TPI agent (toilet paper inspector...click HERE to read) during our fertility treatments. However, after the scare in August my TPI agent status remained on full alert. I examine the paper closely EACH time I pee....yes you might think its gross and yes it is exhausting but I need it for my piece of mind! So I examined this morning just like every other and noticed some red dots. I took a deep breath and wiped again...this time a larger red dot. I catapulted (that's the best word to describe it) out of the bathroom and told my husband. I didn't reach full hysteric mode until I wiped again and saw a fair amount of pink.......

This wasn't happening....AGAIN!

I immediately grabbed the phone and called my OB. In between sobs, I described what I saw. She ordered me into bed as she paged the Dr (who was in the middle of delivering a C section). I received a call back shortly after that said "The Dr would like you to head to labor and delivery at the hospital to be monitored".

Holy waterfall of tears.

I felt Sweet Pea moving which was an amazing blanket of sanity but I'm not gonna lie...I was scared....shitless!

As I was getting dressed my mind started to wander and I started to panic about my hairy yeti legs. You might find this very strange....Hell, I do too...but it's what happened! I hadn't shaved in a bit (don't even ask) and for a VERY brief second I wondered if I had time to do that. However my vanity took a back seat to my daughter as I figured the worse they could do was point and laugh....it was a bullet I was willing to take (although I continued to be freaked out about it all the way to the hospital).

My focus on my yeti legs kept my breathing more focused and stopped the tears...so I think in a weird way I will be grateful for that. Here's the thing. I have always had this fear of something tragic happening and I didn't shave. I had this conversation with my friend awhile ago who was laughing at me because she thought I was crazy the night I got up to shave at 1 in the morning because my chest felt tight (totally turned into nothing). Sometimes I get dressed when I don't have enough time to shave the yeti off and pray I don't end up in the hospital. This even haunts me in my dreams....it's a sick obsession....one I had realized this morning...

Anyway back to this morning....we arrived at the hospital which I had never been too. I picked it to deliver in after some research. THE HOSPITAL IS BEAUTIFUL. We got through the Fort Knox security system to get into labor and delivery (ok maybe that is an overstatement....however, its difficult to get into the labor and delivery area....they were VERY picky with who they were letting in!! AND I loved it!!). To make a very long story shorter than it already is long....everything is fine.

The L& D Nurse and On Call Dr....AMAZING! They put my mind to ease and the nurse even laughed at me when I happened to mention I didn't shave. She told me "If there was EVER a place where that was ok...it's here!"

Sweet Pea is doing wonderful....just really keeping us on our toes!! The Dr felt that this was just a freak thing that happened...that possibly one of the capillaries burst from my cervix (which is thankfully sealed shut!). He even did a ultrasound of the baby so we could see how well she was doing. SERIOUSLY LOVE THIS HOSPITAL!!!

It was today that I decided...I would rather be an over-reactor than an under-reactor. I spent a huge portion of the beginning of my pregnancy not wanting to call the dr because I didn't want to be "that patient". However today I realized that I would SO rather be that patient and be on top of every little thing than to have pushed my fears aside and have something go wrong. I am a worrier...it is who I am....and today I decided it is ok to wear that proudly! The complete confidence with pregnancy that I have so wished for over the last 25 weeks....I'm ok with not having. It makes me more diligent...It makes me ask more questions...I'll take some slight confidence with a side of err on the side of caution any day (even thought I aged many years this morning).

I told the staff at the hospital that I do not want to see them before March...

......I hope my darling Sweet Pea was listening!!!

The One Where I Let It All Out......

2010-12-06T13:06:00.000-05:00

I've been driving myself crazy. I never quite realized what was going on until I watched the Sex and the City movie the other night. It hit me like an epiphany. The subject is taboo in the infertility world.....a world I have identified with for so many years.

Pregnancy after infertility

These are my opinions and feelings....I ask you not to judge.

The getting pregnant part isn't the issue. Although it does bring about an insane amount of jealousy in those who are still waiting (I know...I have been there many times). When you are infertile and dealing with all the infertile issues....the mental, emotional, spirtual, social and physical issues.....there is a common knowledge that pregnant people should not complain. They are the lucky ones.....so many of us would trade our souls to the highest bidder to be able to be in those shoes! I sat for many years and watched others get pregnant and then judged when they complained about anything. I just KNEW when it finally happened to me I would be ecstatic all the time, walking on cloud 9 and never have anything bad to say....

This is not the case....

Let me make this very clear...I am not talking about complaining about swollen ankles, or back pain, or morning sickness (even though I know personally how awful that can be). I would gladly take those things any day....

I'm talking about the mental and emotional issues that have derived from finally having something you have wanted so bad for so many years.

PURE FEAR.

During my years of dealing with infertility I looked for support. Support that I so desperately needed...support that I have graciously found. I found people who identified with me....people who were going through the same things. Each person had their own story....each story was often heart-wrenching and personal. These stories helped me to bond with these people....create a bridge between two completely separate lives. These bonds I built with these people, whether in person or through the computer helped me survive some of the lowest points in my life. To say I will be forever grateful is an understatement.

However, along with each story I heard, my mind subconsciously began to build a rolodex of heartache. I didn't ask my mind to do this....TRUST ME ....I would have preferred it didn't. I remember almost every detail of each sad story I heard because they affected me to the core. This rolodex stayed shut and locked up.....until I heard I was pregnant.

This is so hard for me to say, but for the past six months I have been living in fear of something going wrong. In the beginning I wrote it off to first trimester jitters....It's normal to be paranoid in the first trimester right? I so waited for that day when I hit the second trimester because I would be able to breathe a lot more easily. Here I am at 23 weeks still waiting for that day. Don't get me wrong, I have calmed down a little (a very little).....and I do feel relief whenever I feel her kick or move.....but the constant fear is always there....ALWAYS!

In watching the Sex and the City movie, Charlotte expresses how terrified she is that something will go wrong in her pregnancy because "No one gets to have it all". Watching this moment was like getting punched in the stomach. It made sense. I have been driving myself crazy with this in my head for months and I couldn't explain it.....I now have the words.

I am dealing with Infertile Survivors Guilt.

This rolodex in my mind along with the many years of having a broken heart and soul have me partially convinced that I don't deserve to be happy.

I know deep down in my heart I do....

...However this emotional wall has come and built itself up....

This has become a DAILY struggle.

I find myself CONSTANTLY telling myself that I do deserve to be this happy. Many Many people go on to have happy and healthy babies after infertility and just when I start to feel ok...my rolodex opens and because I can't explain why those bad things have happened to those good people...I can't logically believe that I will not be one of them.

I can honestly say that I count my blessings for sweet pea EVERY morning I wake up and EVERY night when I lay my head down to sleep. I truly know that deep down in my heart this can be taken from me at any minute.

This fear has become my survival.

I turn white with every little unknown pain.

This is no way to live....I am fully aware of that. If you have any ideas how to make it stop..please feel free to share.....I have been trying to change it for many months.

For my sanity....I have had to stop almost all blog reading (for now) and I have had to take a step back from twitter. My heart can not handle these stories because my emotional being believes I am one bad moment away from becoming one of them.

A modern day pregnant hypochondriac ...in a sense.

I need to work on getting this wall down. I knew those years of struggling for sweet pea would cause some emotional damage.....

.......I just had no idea how much.

P.S.......As I have stated before, these are my feelings...my thoughts...my issues.....I ask you to respect that. I started a few years ago blogging as a form of therapy....with the good and the bad. This has been something that has been weighing heavily on my heart and I needed to get it out...free of judgment or the label of someone trying to fix me.

Where Are You Christmas?

2010-12-04T20:27:00.000-05:00

For the past thirty years of my life ...I have been a lover of all things Christmas. Yes I am the one that starts listening to Christmas music WAY before I should. Yea I am the one who has NO problem waking up at an ungodly hour to go shopping on Black Friday. I am even that person that can drive around for HOURS looking at Christmas lights and listening to the same Christmas songs I have been listening to since I was little (oooo and add some hot chocolate in the mix and I am set). I'm the first one to be ready to decorate and it normally looks like Santa puked in my house.

To be clear...I'm a little crazy.

However, I am JUST NOT FEELING IT this year. The music isn't as exciting. The movies I adore aren't as enticing (I even SHUT OFF the Santa Clause people!!) and decorating has been like pulling teeth....seriously.....JUST NOT FEELING IT.

I thought after years of dreading the holidays due to my infertility, I would be insanely excited this year. I'm not and to be honest it depresses me. Maybe it's this insane cold I have that makes me not want to do anything. Maybe its my impending root canal that is putting a damper on this joyous holiday season. Maybe it's because we won't see any immediate family this year....The first time in my thirty years of life I don't get to spend Christmas with my family.

Maybe I just want my daughter to be healthy and perfect and nothing else matters to me right now. She has a slight issue (one I will not be discussing in detail on here)....and yet no matter how minute the issue may turn out to be or how small everyone wants me to believe it is.....the concern is there....the worry is there....

Maybe that's what it is......Maybe it's all of it.

All I know is that each time I turn on my tree....my hearts not in it. The singing of my favorite Christmas carols seems mundane. Each time someone asks me what I want....the answer is not material....it can not be bought.

I guess you can say, in a way, I've grown up.

Mark the occasion- Dec 2010 - the end of my innocence

But what really matters.....

2011- The beginning of Sweet Pea's.

Sweet Pea....The Baby Genius!

2010-12-01T13:27:00.000-05:00

Over the last couple of weeks, something wonderful has been happening. It's hard to describe and the thought of it brings me to laughter and tears.

I can finally feel Sweet Pea kicking.

My little girl has been becoming more active by the day.

This morning, I was sitting and watching some TV when my little one woke up. I felt a few kicks...and marveled at how weird and wonderful it is!

I was laughing when I realized it!

My baby is a genius already.

She's using Morse code to communicate with us.

Of course, she was saying good morning to me this morning and thanking me for her yummy breakfast of orange juice and Corn Chex cereal (YUM!!!!).

Here is Sweet Pea's guide to Morse code....ENJOY!

There has been a random kick almost each time I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. This is Sweet Pea's way of saying " Hey Mom...Is it time to get up yet? No? Oh you are getting back into bed? Ok back to sleep!"

We went to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular over the weekend. I did not feel her kick once until the curtains raised during the nativity scene and showed the manger on stage with baby Jesus. She started kicking like crazy. (In a hormonal moment of insanity, I burst into tears. Listening to Hark the Herald Angels song and seeing the true meaning of Christmas with feeling her kick was too much for this emotional sap) That was her way of saying " I love your beliefs mom and dad. Always remember I am god's gift to you".

After the show, she was kicking up a storm on the way home. This was her way of telling us " I can dance as good as those Rockettes!!! See?"

While listening to Christmas music, she was moving and grooving up a storm.....until Feliz Navidad came on....She didn't kick once during that song. That was her way of letting me know "I don't like this song". We have since began to mute it when it plays =)

On Thanksgiving day, I didn't feel her at all while at my husband's cousin's house. As soon as I got home she was moving like crazy. Sweet Pea translation "I do NOT like loud noisy places! Who were ALL those people!?!? I know you are loud Mommy but that was TOO much!"

So that's Sweet Pea's Morse code system up to date. Isn't she brilliant?!?!

And YES....I think I will be ONE of those parents...

To Start Off This Holiday Season......

2010-11-28T19:45:00.000-05:00

I have so much to be thankful for this year. So many blessings to count in my life. What a difference a year makes.....seriously!

While I continue to recover, from all the shopping, eating and Christmas singing I did this past weekend...reminisce and take a look at my good old infertile holiday songs from last year.

Oldies but goodies.....I'll have to develop some new ones .......

Rocking Around the Ovary Sung to the tune of Rocking Around the Christmas Tree

This is Hell Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells

Do You Fear What I Fear Sung to the tune of Do You Hear What I Hear

The Twelve Presents of This Cycle Sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas

It's the Most Dreadful Time of the Year Sung to the tune of It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Do They Know It's Baby Time? Sung to the tune of Do They Know It's Christmas Time?

WINNER WINNER!

2010-11-26T22:00:00.000-05:00

My very fabulous blog contest with Chic Mama ended last night. Thank you to all the wonderful people who entered.

The comments were read and all valid entries were tallied in order.

The winner was chosen by Random.org.

AND THE WINNER IS: (DRUMROLL PUH-LEASE)

Vi!!!!!!!!! Vi3tl3abe

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! Thank you to all who entered!!!

Looks Like It's Online Retail Therapy For Me This Year

2010-11-22T20:40:00.000-05:00

OH HEY! There you are! Did you enter my giveaway with Chic Mama for a fabulous diaper cake?!?!? You have til Thursday night....GO NOW! Click here....... I'll wait.......

So it seems that my body is having some pelvic separation issues. There's a lot of fancy explanations for what happened using some big words that I can't pronounce but all that's really really important to know is that it doesn't affect Sweet Pea and it is CRAZY PAINFUL!

This new development puts a serious damper on my Black Friday shopping plans. When you are a serial shopper such as myself, Black Friday is like all the great holidays rolled into one. Besides the great sales, its the one day where it is acceptable to push someone who is in your way while shopping (not that I would EVER do that).

Let's be grateful for online shopping or I might have been that crazy old aunt who wraps things up in her house to give as Christmas gifts. Half used bottle of Tums anyone?

THE ANNOUNCEMENT (......and the amazing giveaway!)

2010-11-17T13:49:00.000-05:00

I have waited SO long for this.

There aren't enough words......

The feeling was incredible.

It became real......I'm growing someone in there! Sweet Pea now has a name. Sweet Pea now has a nursery set picked out. Sweet Pea also now has a ridiculous amount of stuff from my shopping spree this weekend.

If you ask me now, each tear was worth it! Each fear I felt...each time I felt like I hit rock bottom. There was no greater high than hearing those words "It's A_______"!

I was approached a few weeks ago to do a review and giveaway with Chic Mama's Diaper Cakes! After looking at her site, I WANTED one of those diaper cakes to do this announcement.

So here it is:

SWEET PEA IS A:

A GIRL!!!!!!!

We can't believe it! STILL in shock! I really thought it was a boy!! There goes that mom's intuition old wives tale!!!

WE ARE ECSTATIC! A LITTLE PRINCESS!!!!!!!

So how cute is that diaper cake?!?!? The ribbon has little ballet shoes on it! I am in LOVE AND they even used Pampers Swaddlers, which is the diapers I plan on using with my baby girl....EEEEEKKKK! I JUST LOVE SAYING THAT! The diaper cake is GORGEOUS!! It will make a beautiful addition to her room just as soon as I am done having it as the centerpiece on my dining room table!!!

Here is the AMAZING part.....Chic Mama is giving away one of her fabulous diaper cakes (VALUE $49!!!) to one of my readers!!!!!!

It's ok...I'll wait a minute til you get back from dancing in celebration!

Tired now? Let's keep going. Of course you WANT to know how to get this.....READ CAREFULLY!

To enter: you MUST be a follower of my blog AND go on over to Chic Mama's website and leave me a comment telling me which diaper cake you would want, who it's for and what you plan to do with it! (please leave an email address or twitter id so I can notify the winner!)

For extra entries: (Leave a separate comment for each thing you do BUT make sure you do the first MANDATORY thing first or these won't count!)

*Like Chic Mama on Facebook (1 extra entry)

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Martinsville-NJ/Chic-Mama-Diaper-Cakes/187118843612?ref=ts

* Follow Chic Mama on Twitter (1 extra entry)

http://www.twitter.com/TheChicMama

*Tweet about this giveaway (1 extra entry per day! Leave link with the tweet!)

Contest will run from 11/17-midnight on 11/25. The winner will be chosen at random from all eligible comments on 11/26...Black Friday...because is there ANY better thing to get on that day then a free diaper cake!!!

DISCLOSURE:

I received a Diaper Cake from Chic Mama in order to conduct

this review. These are my own opinions about the product.

The Christmas Card

2010-11-17T13:02:00.000-05:00

I adore Christmas cards! I love sending them...I love getting them...I even love sitting down to get them ready to send out while listening to Christmas music and watching the lights twinkling on my tree! Christmas cards and me are seriously BEST FRIENDS!

Ever since I got engaged, it's been all about the perfect Christmas card! I used a picture of us from our engagement party. Don't picture cards make the idea of Christmas cards so much easier?!?! You would think I would have learned from that...but I didn't.

The years after that I went shopping for the perfect Christmas card. I found one with Santa on the beach for the year we moved to San Diego. Last year, I found an adorable green and pink polka dot Christmas card that was all glittery (so totally me! Yes I put my husband's name on the card too...but I HAD to WRITE THEM!).

This year, Christmas cards took on a whole new meaning. After four years, I am pregnant (I know I might sound like a broken record with that sentence...but seriously...FOUR YEARS!). Oh the possibilities of the Christmas cards! There has to be some places that sell pregnancy Christmas cards right? Well that's what you would think. I found one. SO EXPENSIVE. This is when my mind ran to the ease of our engagement picture Christmas card.

What if I did something like that? And then suddenly...I NEEDED TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!

I've browsed the other sites...but Shutterfly has the most options....and the best cards. I made my mom a photo book on their website a few years ago so I knew the ease of the website.

And I set my mind to it!

Trying to find the perfect card to incorporate Sweet Pea into our Christmas cards is no easy task!
I looked through their Christmas cards and their Holiday card selections. I'm still trying to narrow it down. I *might* even have to ask for my husband's opinion!

Whatever design and picture we choose will be perfect......I just know it!

Why-Yes! I am receiving Christmas cards from Shutterfly for writing this post! With a baby coming on the way, it's all about saving the $$$ and spending it in other places (like on my darling little Sweet Pea!). Don't get jealous...Just join in! Bloggers can get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly http://bit.ly/sfly2010

So You Have Read About What Those Old Wives Believe....But What Do I Think?

2010-11-12T07:00:00.004-05:00

I can't believe it is finally here....today is the day! I will know today if I am having a son or a daughter.

Excited doesn't even come close to describing this feeling. Unreal feels more like it! I still can't believe it worked after four years of trial and error...I still can't believe I'm pregnant.

The famous question lately has been...What do I think I'm having?

Since I was little, I always wanted a daughter. I don't think it's any surprise how much of a girly girl I am! Plus isn't girls things more fun to shop for?!?! There always seems to be an abundance of cute things to buy for girls and not so much for boys.

However, once my nephew was born, my heart started to change. I saw how adorable little baby boys are and how much they LOVE their mama's. I had always pictured having a little princess...but having a little prince has been slowly creeping into my mind.

After FOUR years of trials and tribulations, of the ups and downs, the tears, the hope...I can honestly say that I don't care what they tell me. The ultrasound tech can tell me I'm having a frog and I would be completely ecstatic. It would be OUR frog....a frog my husband and I both worked so hard to create. Gender truly means nothing to me....my heart will be FULL of love either way.

With all that being said....from the second I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was a boy. Whenever I picture the baby's nursery it's blue...ALWAYS! I was talking to be baby the other day and by accident called it a "baby boy". It just slipped out. I of course felt awful afterwards....what if it's a girl...OOPS! So I guess deep down in my heart of hearts...I'm thinking boy. My husband feels the same.

Speaking of my husband....I can't describe the feeling of joy when I think about our family. We dreamed of this for so long. That moment we are going to share today is going to be one I will remember for the rest of my life. He has been my best friend for so long and truly knows the ins and outs of my soul. There is NO ONE I would rather be sharing this life with then him!

I heard this song the other day...and I cried. It's us...it fits perfectly. As I listened to the lyrics, I thought about how fitting they are.....how after all the struggles of our infertility we are at the beginning of a new chapter of our lives.

This is dedicated to my husband....may we always be at the beginning with each other!! I love you babe!

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 25- Headaches

2010-11-11T08:38:00.000-05:00

I hate headaches....DESPISE them! Although I am not sure anyone actually enjoys them!! To me, it's like there is a tiny person banging on a drum in there...or using a jackhammer. AWFUL!

I have spoken to plenty of people that have gotten awful headaches during pregnancy and to be honest, it wasn't something I was looking forward to.

The old wives believe if you have lots of headaches during pregnancy, it means you are having a boy.

I am currently five months pregnant today and I am happy to report that I have had ONE bad headache that I can remember. One in five months?!? I can deal with that.

I guess that means I have to make this one.......a girl!

Totals:
Girl- 63%
Boy- 37%

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 24- Dad's Weight Gain

2010-11-10T08:29:00.000-05:00

Gaining weight and having a baby go hand in hand for the pregnant soon to be mom....

but....what does it mean if the soon to be dad gains weight too?

A lot of people write this off to sympathy weight gain. Our hubbies just feel AWFUL for us that we get to eat extra and give into cravings we might not normally give in to. They feel so bad for us..that they themselves often join in and eat too!

The old wives believe that if your hubby is gaining weight during your pregnancy, you are having a girl (probably from all those extra sweets you are eating!)

So has my prince charming gained weight? NOPE! I actually think he's losing. How crazy is that??!? Many a time he has had to finish his food and my food because Sweet Pea doesn't want it.

So how could he be losing weight? Oh he had to do so much more around the house than he has EVER had to! Burning off all those extra calories...that's for sure!

Due to this extra exercise, I will have to rule this one......a boy!

Totals:
Girl- 61%
Boy- 39%

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 23- Feet

2010-11-09T08:21:00.000-05:00

To say I have a sock fetish is an understatement! I have a HUGE drawer FULL of socks (seriously full...you have to push down the top to close!). Even though my sock collecting started LONG ago, they really came in handy for those early morning RE appts...where the only thing you could leave on your bottom half was your socks! It's all about the statement you make right? A favorite pair of mine is a sushi roll next to wasabi that says "WASSUP B?" All of my socks are adorable (as if I would EVER wear plain white socks?!?).

I also have a large collection of soft fuzzy socks....these have become a staple for me in the last few weeks. My feet seem to always be FREEZING! I have even adorned my very cute leopard slippers (with socks...OH the TRAVESTY!!!!!) on occasion!

According to those old wives...if my feet are freezing...I'm having a boy! If they stay the same, I'm having a girl.

So for the third day in a row...I have to rule this one.....a boy!

Totals:
Girl- 64%
Boy-36%

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 22- Necklace Over Head

2010-11-08T08:16:00.000-05:00

Today's tale is similar to one I did in the past.....the string test, in which you tied a ring to a string and held it over your stomach to see which way it swung. My gender prediction for that test was girl.

In this one, you take a necklace and have someone hold it over your head and watch which way it swings.

My husband reported it swung back and forth....which means boy. If it swung in circles, it would mean girl.

So I have to rule this one.....a boy!

Totals:
Girl 67%
Boy 33%

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 21- Hands

2010-11-07T08:01:00.000-05:00

We are less than ONE week from finding out what we are having! I am so excited I can hardly stand it. It seriously takes all I have to not walk up to strangers and start shaking them in excitement....or to start jumping on a couch.....

My husband and I both decided EVERYONE we want to tell needs to know before I put the BIG REVEAL on here. So unfortunately for you guys...that means you will have to wait a few days later. No need to start smashing your china....I promise I will get it on here as soon as I can (with a REALLY cool giveaway).

Ok so back to those old wives and their tales. Today's tale is about showing your hands....do you show them palm side up or palm side down?

Me...I *believe* I would show palm side down (I can't actually test this because I know the answers in my head and do not want to be biased). It feels natural to me...plus it's all about showing off the bling right? Thanks to my hubby...I got some bling!

According to the wives...showing you palm up means you are having a girl and showing them down means you are having a boy. So I am ruling this one .....a boy!

Totals:
Girl- 70%
Boy - 30%

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 20- Bread

2010-11-06T09:00:00.000-04:00

Bread

Every "Fluffy" girl's worst nightmare....

So wrong....but tastes so right!

So here is the old wives tale today: If you prefer to eat the ends of the bread...you are having a boy.
If you prefer to eat the middle, you are having a girl.

(Ok so apparently one of those old wives is a baker.....)

I HATE HATE HATE the ends of the bread...I'm all about the middle! (which adds to my middle unfortunately)

So this one is a girl

Totals:
Girl: 74%
Boy: 26%

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 19- Moodiness

2010-11-05T09:00:00.001-04:00

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 19- Moodiness

This one will be short and sweet...

I have a Preggo Super Bitch Cape......I love it...I embrace it! It is who I am and I wear it proud!

The old wives believe if you are moody, you are having a girl (ALWAYS blaming the bitchiness on female hormones huh!?!?)

Happy...you are having a boy....

I think my husband will agree when I say I am moody!

In this case....Sweet Pea is a girl!

Totals to date:
Girl- 72%
Boy- 28%

Easy enough huh?

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 18- Skin Under Left Eye

2010-11-04T09:00:00.001-04:00

Ok so this is a strange one today!

The old wives say if you pull down the skin below your left eye and see a "v" or "branches", it's a girl.

So yes, I went into the bathroom....turned all the lights on and tugged on my skin under my left eye.

What did I see....Luggage! Bags....heavy bags!
Definitely NO V shape...

I thought this was so weird. I really saw nothing. Just my proof of being tired. I thought for a second...maybe the "V" and "branches" were packed into the bag...This didn't make sense..

So I did what ANY sensible person would...consulted Dr. Google. He corrected the error of my ways.

You have to look into the EYEBALL....the white part....so I run back to the mirror and low and behold..there is a V...I HAVE A V people!

So this obviously and logically means I am having a girl....DUH!!

Totals to date:
Girl- 71%
Boy- 29%

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 17- Cravings

2010-11-03T12:41:00.000-04:00

Let's talk cravings....It's no surprise for me to say I have a sweet tooth. The travesty of the first trimester was that the idea of anything sweet made me sick......remember I said I lost the battle with a Snickers Almond? A SNICKERS people!

I am happy to report that my morning sickness and sickness of sweets has passed....well not so happy to report that I love sweets again! I did think that maybe I would be able to survive the pregnancy without them....no such luck.

It is back...and with a vengeance! Willy Wonka will be delighted!

Everything in moderation right?

However....these are not my cravings.....

My huge craving in the first trimester was fruit. I couldn't eat enough nectarines or peaches!!! STILL LOVE fruit....always have...always will....

The theme for the two trimesters so far seems to be cheese....I have wanted so much mozzarella (btw if you pronounce that mozz-a-rella...we really can't be friends!) cheese! I have been all about the tomato and mozzarella sandwiches! HOLY SWEETNESS...I want one now!

I also have a HUGE affection for :

Hot chocolate- Dunkin Donuts- YES PLEASE
Cole Slaw- I can't figure this one out...
French Toast
Caramel Apples

Ok so here is the dilemma....The old wives believe that if you want salty foods, it's a boy....Sweet foods it's a girl.

My food loves seem to be in both categories. However, I have MORE in the sweet category than I do the salty category!

So I'm making it official...I'm calling this one ....a girl!

Totals to date:
Girl- 69%
Boy-31%

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 16- Mom's Beauty

2010-11-01T22:11:00.000-04:00

It has been long said by many old wives that if you are having a girl, the girl steals the mom's beauty and if you are having a boy, you glow.

We have already established in a prior post that my "glow" is masked.

So I should rule this one girl.....

.....However......

Last night, my husband looks at me out of the blue and says "We are having a boy". I ask why he believes that and he says " I hear a daughter steals the mother's beauty but you are looking more beautiful every day...so it's a boy".

(insert blushing and hearts over my eyes and head)

OK so bring on my son.....I'm ruling this one a boy!!!

The totals are:
67% Girl
33% Boy

+ 100% adorable and lovable husband! I'm insanely lucky <3

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is- Day 15- Preferred Side of Sleep

2010-10-30T22:23:00.000-04:00

Is there anything better in the world than a really good night's sleep? I keep hearing that my days of zzzzz's are numbered so I am trying to soak up all that I can!

Luckily I have still for the most part been able to sleep comfortably without Sweet Pea telling me to move.

I know it is all Pregnancy PC to sleep on your left side. It's what's best for the baby....I get that. However...I just prefer to sleep on my right. I fall asleep faster that way and it's just more comfortable for me.

So according to the old ladies....because my preferred side of sleep is on my right.....Sweet Pea is ........

a girl!

If I preferred to sleep on my left..those old wives believe that Sweet Pea would be a boy.

I don't get it......

But anyway that brings our total to:
71% Girl
29% Boy

Less than two weeks to go!

It's A Great Infertile Halloween Charlie Brown!

2010-10-28T19:05:00.000-04:00

A favorite tradition of mine from my childhood is watching the holiday shows that came on TV....especially during Halloween and Christmas.

I adored watching It's A Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown followed by Garfield's Halloween each year.

As a matter of fact...I adore saying Charlie Brown's famous saying from It's A Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown...."I got a rock". I use it often in my every day life....LOVE!!!

I was talking to my husband this past weekend about how this one line fit perfectly with infertility.

I got a rock.....

My four year infertility journey went something like this....

Fertile Friend #1-I got two lines...

Fertile Friend #2- I got twins.....

Me: I got a rock.

I got a rock.....I got a negative....I got another month of trying....I got a cyst.....I got bills coming out of my behind.....I got injections....I got a nervous breakdown...

Four years of getting infertile rocks in my trick or treat bag.

Four years of being the Charlie Brown of the group..

Trick or Treat...

Isn't that what we go through each month? Trick or Treat? Each time at the end of those two weeks...we pray for the treat and feel angst about the trick!

Trick or Treat...an infertile understatement!!!

And then it happened....I held out my bag and said "Trick or Treat" ...I got the candy....I got the lollipop...I got the gumballs...I got pregnant.

Maybe sometimes the pumpkin is great after all....

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 14- Hair On Legs

2010-10-28T09:10:00.000-04:00

I know it's been a few days since I posted one of these. I got the flu shot for the first time ever and have been in flu shot hell. This is not a pleasant place to be. I'm hoping to return to normal very soon...I'm not enjoying my stay here.

But anyway...I figured that for today's tale I would put it all out there.....

I know I have casually mentioned my pregnancy Yeti leg hair in another post. I've always heard all those great things about pregnancy.....of how fast your nails and hair grows. Well I kinda just thought it would be the hair on my head growing fast....I was wrong.

It seems that along with growing another human being inside of me...I have also acquired Yeti legs.

Unsure what I mean.......Think....


.......Abominable Snowman....or......

...Harry from Harry and the Hendersons!

Catch my drift?

Can I tell you how eternally grateful I am to be getting very pregnant during the winter where I can where pants....or at the very least pass my yeti legs off as a new fashionable pair of Uggs?!!?!?

So what does this mean besides having stock in Schick Razors and Skintimate Shave Gel? According to those Old Wives....this means Sweet Pea is ..........a boy!

This brings our total of tales to.....

69% girl
31% boy

Don't be surprised if you see razors and shaving cream on my baby registry =)

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 13- Toddler Boys

2010-10-25T13:32:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I took on the tale by those old wives that states to ask a five year old what you are having.

So I did....my nephew said boy!

Today's tale has to do with toddlers. According to the tale, if a toddler boy acts interested in you as a pregnant woman, you are having a girl. If the boy shows no interest, it's a boy.

Of course, I have a story.

We were in church the other week and just behind us was this mom and her adorable son, dressed in their football attire for the day! As we sat down, my husband and I marveled over how adorable the little boy was. He would NOT stop staring at me. I smiled at him and waved and he smiled back....and just kept staring. His mom then said to me "It's crazy...it's like he knows you...".

So there you have it....of course almost all kids love me...so did this little toddler boy!

Based on the tale...Sweet Pea is.......a girl

Our tale total is now:
Girl - 75%
Boy 25%

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 12- Ask A Five Year Old

2010-10-24T17:31:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure where I read this one but I found it interesting.

As someone who has spent lots of time with kindergarteners ..I can attest to how perceptive they are! This old wives tale believes if you want to know what you are having....ask a five year old.

Lucky me....my nephew is five.

Just prior to finding this interesting old wives tale...I had a conversation with my adorable nephew.

It went like this:

Him: " Aunt Jenn, I saw the pictures of the baby in your belly. Mommy showed me!"

Me: "You did? That is your little cousin."

Him: "I get presents?"

Me: "No silly...that's your cousin".

Him: "Oh. It's a boy."

Me: "You think so? If it's a boy, his name will be "

Him: "And if it's a girl?"

Me: "Then we will call her "

Him: "WHY?!?!"

Me: "Because Uncle Frank and I like that name."

Him: "It's going to be a boy anyway"

My nephew proceeded to tell his father later that night that he found out we were having a boy. My brother in law asked my sister how we found out so fast. She told him we didn't...it's just what my nephew thinks.

So there it is folks. My five year old nephew thinks its a boy....so I'm ruling this one.....a boy!

This brings our total to:
Girl- 73%
Boy- 27%

Don't kids just say the darndest things?!?!?

P.S. Our names will be withheld for awhile...possibly until birth. I have had issues with name stealers!!!

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 11- Intelligender

2010-10-22T11:49:00.000-04:00

Ok so maybe...just maybe..there isn't any old wives behind this tale....

I suppose science has something to do with this one....

However since I have seen the first picture of this test completed by a preggo...I knew I NEEDED to do it when I could!!

And here it is...I FINALLY can!

As you all know because you are such avid readers of my blog..I went to a few stores last weekend looking for this! I found it yesterday and bought it in a fit of excitement.

I couldn't wait. Of course this is like all other old wives tales....there is a 50/50% chance it is right or wrong. But still...I think of it as a fun rite of passage.

We get the package home and I heard the worst possible thing come out of my husbands mouth when he looked at the box

Not recommended for women with PCOS.

CRAP! I swear those four letters ruin so many things....It's like being branded with a HUGE scarlet letter. Why not just stamp PCOS across my forehead.

So I did some research....apparently all PCOS women get a boy reading. Well...a boy reading is still a reading...as still has a chance of being right. I mean it's not like I am going to get a reading that says "Birl" or "Goy". So I figured what the hell...

I'm doing it!!

So there I was this morning at first morning urine reading the directions and peeing in yet again ANOTHER cup!

Here are the results:

Nice and dark green....so obviously a boy reading and being that I have a 50/50% chance of having a boy...I'm keeping the ruling.

I'm officially calling this tale ............a boy!

That brings our totals to:
80% girl
20% boy

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 10- Clumsy VS Graceful

2010-10-20T19:46:00.000-04:00

Today's tale results should be no surprise to those who know me.....

Clumsy vs. Graceful?

I am not ashamed to admit it....I am clumsy as a baby learning to walk. I often wonder to myself how I do not fall down more. I am famous for tripping up the stairs (which is a sign of intelligence I hear). I often twist my foot if I am walking in a pair of uncomfortable high heels. I drop things....a lot! And you know those times when you are trying to act cool....I trip or stumble...ALL THE TIME!

I would love to tell you all that this has gone away since I got pregnant....I would love to say I am as graceful as a ballerina. But it has gotten worse...think more bull in a china cabinet.

Those old wives believe that if you are graceful, you are having a girl and if you are clumsy you are having a boy....

THAT MEANS....TODAY...THE OLD WIVES BELIEVE THAT I AM HAVING.....wait for it.......

A BOY!

I know...you can pick your jaw up off the floor now!

This brings the total of tales to

89% Girl
11% Boy

We find out in three weeks...I just know you are all "TOO EXCITED TO SLEEP". Enjoy my favorite little kid in my favorite commercial ever!

Lullabies of Love..

2010-10-19T12:35:00.000-04:00

I interrupt your regular scheduled blog post release for this important message..................

I love singing!

What is that you say? You ALREADY knew that?!!? You feel like I have told you a bazillion times before?!?!? Oh that's right...I told you here.

I credit my parents for my love of music. My mom used to sing with us all the time....random songs. How many kids know the theme song to "Beverly Hillbillies".....Let me tell you a story of a man named Jed.......

My dad loved to dance with us. I have fond memories of listening to records (YES I AM OLD) and dancing with my dad. My father....also famous for substituting his own words into the songs! The most comical... Heart's song "Alone"...He sang "How do I get you alone" and then proceeded to say "You go to the bank".....get it? Alone....a loan.....Yes that's my dad =)

It's really important for me to pass this love onto Sweet Pea.

I decided to start now....I read recently that Sweet Pea can start to hear my voice. There was even a suggestion to start singing.....It has been proven that babies will recognize certain songs that their heard in their womb....

* CUE MUSIC* WHERE is my microphone!?!?

I have always related Michael Buble's Just Haven't Met You Yet to my journey for Sweet Pea. That song has surrounded my life...It's even the ringtone on my phone! The song will always be dear to my heart....

But I need new songs....

As much as I LOVED Ross and Rachel's rendition of Baby Got Back on Friends. I figured I needed some new tunes. Ideally Rumpshaker or Rehab aren't the BEST choice of lullabies. So I set out on a mission. Find songs for Sweet Pea to listen to in the womb and that I could sing when they are born.

It was difficult finding good songs....so I of course asked Dr. Google. The first one that came up....I downloaded......

.....Baby Mine! Tears rolled down my cheeks as I listened to the words and pictured swaying my sweet baby to sleep singing those words. I'm not sure how long it will take for me to be able to sing that without crying....It might sound like a squeaking sound at first. I better start practicing now.

I also asked on Twitter. Someone suggested A New Day Has Come by Celine Dion. I have heard this song a billion times before...I did not know that it was about her overcoming infertility. So for the first time today I LISTENED to it. *INSERT SOBBING* Full body sobbing...all started with the lyric....

And the world thought I had it all But I was waiting for you

(by the way...I'm crying again now!)

It's perfect! I have received some great suggestions...

What are your favorite songs about a baby or about having a baby? Don't worry I can handle it...I got the tissues ready!

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 9- History of Parent's Kids

2010-10-18T11:36:00.000-04:00

Today's old wives tale comes from His Boys Can Swim again. I read the craziest tales on there. If any of these sound crazy..they probably came off there!

Ok so today's tale is based on the history of the parent's kids. This only works if there are three kids in the family. Surprise Surprise...that's exactly what my parents had. So theory is you can tell the gender of the child by looking at the other children.

The first child - will have the same gender as the middle child
The middle child-will have the same gender as the last child
The last child- will have the same gender as the first child.

Ok so I am the oldest child...my sister is the middle child and my brother is the youngest child....which means...I will have a girl...my sister will have a boy and my brother will have a girl.

My sister was the first to have a child and she DID have a boy! So according to this tale..the old wives say I am having..........a girl!!!!

This brings our eight tale total to:
100% girl
0% boy

Of course my grandparents also had three kids....My mom the oldest...my aunt the middle and my uncle the youngest. My mom had a girl first...My uncle had a girl first (which according to the tale is correct)...however my aunt had a girl...which should have been a boy....hmmmm?

Are there three kids in your family? Is the tale correct?

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 8-The Fail of the Drano Test

2010-10-17T17:59:00.000-04:00

So I slacked yesterday. Well I didn't mean to slack...it just kind of happened. I figured all of the greatest writers (like Poe, Shakespeare, Hemingway and me) need days off every now and again right?

You will forgive me...won't you?

Of course you will...moving on.

So my husband and I went apple and pumpkin picking yesterday....well we meant to go apple and pumpkin picking. We drove an insanely long way to the orchard that we normally go to only to find out that the apple picking was at the OTHER location. Ok so we will just go pumpkin picking...We walk up to the long line and find out they are charging per person JUST to walk into the patch. You still need to pay for the pumpkin afterwards. Because we were only getting one pumpkin, this was silly for us. We decided to pick our pumpkin from their pre picked pumpkins and go on our way....

Two and a half hour drive round trip and we were there for 15 minutes TOPS. Fun stuff people...fun stuff.....

However the day wasn't a total waste.....we did end up going to the place where I want my crib from and seeing it...and falling in love =) Crib and changing table is picked out!

Ok so now that you guys feel like you spent the day with me yesterday..let me tell you my drano story. I have heard mixing drano with urine is an old wives tale on gender. I figured I would venture out and pick up drano and intelligender (another urine type gender test). I planned to do the drano test yesterday and the intelligender test today. We went to store one...got drano...no intelligender.

We go to store two ....out of intelligender.....so I just figured I would find the intelligender during the week and just do the drano this weekend.

Got home...all ready to pee in a cup and start to read about the drano test......

USE ONLY CRYSTAL DRANO!

Wait...what?!??! What is crystal drano? There is more than one kind of drano? On top of that below EVERY explanation of the test was the warning of lethal fumes because of the reaction. Screw that people. No Drano test for me!

So this weekend I am prepared for a clogged pipe and old wives tale less- We will resume our gender old wives tale counting tomorrow =)

P.S. Can I just tell you how I truly adore everyone sharing their stories with me about these tests?!?!? I love that I am doing this and I love that you all love reading it! I know that none of these really matter for anything. We aren't picking bedding out based on it. Each old wives tale has a 50/50 shot of being right or wrong...it's just fun =)

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 7- Morning Sickness

2010-10-15T14:10:00.000-04:00

Oh...that wonderful little symptom of pregnancy called Morning Sickness. Imagine my surprise...it's not just in the morning...oh no my friends...it's ALL DAY LONG SICKNESS!

I have had BAD morning sickness. From the second I found out I was pregnant, it was non stop nausea. As if the nausea was not bad enough, you can add in "at any time" puking. There was no rhyme or reason to it.....if I tried eating something that Sweet Pea did not want...it came up!

I'll spare you all my wonderful stories from the past 4 months of getting sick....but let's just say...Sweet Pea came in between me and an Almond Snickers. Sad...so SAD!

I would say in the last couple of weeks things have gotten better...still not 100%! Certain textures get to me......even the dentist got to me.....

The old wives believe that if you deal with bad morning sickness, you are having a girl.

So that brings our seven day...seven tale total to:
100% girl
0% boy

Ok ....who has had awful morning sickness?

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 6-Acne

2010-10-14T09:40:00.000-04:00

Acne....pimples....zits...no matter what they are called, nothing brings back the horrors of being a teenager faster than a big blemish on your face.

All I kept hearing about before I was pregnant was this pregnancy glow that so many people have.

However, I have noticed that I have a lot less glow...and a lot more of those unsightly skin irritations.

It's official...you can call me pizza face.

According to those old wives, acne during pregnancy means a girl is on the way.

So I guess if you played connect the dots on my face it would spell....A GIRL!

This brings the six day six test total to:
100% girl
0% boy

Of course when push comes to shove, I would much rather blame my face "issues" on these old wives than my hormones (because I AM NOT acting irrational....EVERYONE else is!). So for the next month..I will be content blaming those old wives for these issues.

Anyone else have crater face while pregnant? Did you end up having a girl?

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 5- Dreams

2010-10-13T10:41:00.000-04:00

I had a dream.....not like Martin Luther King's dream or anything....but a dream about Sweet Pea...a dream about our baby.

It was right after I found out that we were expecting. The dream was as vivid as anything. It was a boy..we called him by the name we have chosen. He was an adorable mixture of my husband and I. That was our baby.

So I woke up thinking...Ok ...I'm having a boy.

That was my only dream about Sweet Pea so far in which I clearly know what the gender is. I took it as a sign...Sweet Pea is probably a boy. But imagine my surprise when researching old wives tales and I came across a one about dreams and gender from Jane over at His Boys Can Swim (seriously awesome article over there...go read it! I got a lot of my wacky gender old wives tales from there).

According to Jane's list of old wives tales...a dream about a certain gender was OPPOSITE of what you were really having. So my dream of my sweet little boy actually means I'm having a girl?!?!?

I have nothing to compare this to yet of course. I have only had one vivid dream so far and that was it. Of course, if it turns out Sweet Pea is a boy..then it will be easy to explain that my subconscious already knew. Even though..I'm not sure Sweet Pea even knew at that point in which I had the dream =)

But basing this strictly on the old wives tale, Sweet Pea is........a girl

This brings our Five Day - Five Tale Count to:
100% girl
0% boy

Have you guys ever had dreams about the gender of your baby PRIOR to finding out what you were having? Were these dreams right or wrong?

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 4-Mayan Gender Prediction

2010-10-12T09:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, we did the Chinese gender prediction ....today I tackle the Mayan gender prediction.

According to the Mayan gender prediction, you look at both the mothers age and the conception year. If both are odd or even numbers, it's a girl. If there is one odd and one even number...it is a boy.

I am (and was) 30 at the time of conception. I conceived in 2010.

Both even numbers.

So according to the Mayan old wives...Sweet Pea is........

A GIRL!!!

That brings our four day- four test total to:

100% girl
0% boy

We find out for REAL in one month! What did the Mayan old wives say for you....were they right?

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 3- Chinese Gender Prediction

2010-10-11T17:42:00.001-04:00

Hello my friends!

Today's fun old wives tale is the Chinese gender prediction.

I never even heard of this until I became pregnant and people started asking me what my Chinese gender chart said.

So I found this website. The Chinese gender prediction bases the mother's age at the time of conception and the month of conception.

I was 30 at the time of conception and the baby was conceived in July so according to the chart....These Chinese old wives say that Sweet Pea is ..........................................

A GIRL!

Here is the tally for what the old wives think after three tests:
Girl -100%
Boy -0%

Click the link above and tell me if your was right or wrong =)

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 2- String Test

2010-10-10T13:49:00.000-04:00

Ok so today's test of these old wives tales was an experiment. We did the string test.

For those unfamiliar with the string test....you tie your wedding ring to the end of a string, hold it over your belly...give it a swing and watch the motion.

I had my hubby help me with this one. I knew what the string swings meant and I didn't want to be in any type of manipulative position with the string. I tied my wedding ring on a shoe lace, laid down and had him hold the string over my belly. I told him we were looking to see if the string was swinging back and forth or in circles. I did NOT tell him what each meant.

He swung the string and there it was..swinging back and forth.

According to the old wives....swinging in a circle meant boy and back and forth meant girl.

So today our reading for gender was......A GIRL!

This brings our two day old wives tales total to:

100% girl
0% boy

Did anyone do this? What were your results?

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is? Day 1-Heartbeat

2010-10-09T11:53:00.000-04:00

I figured there was no better way to start off these old wives tales then to start with the most famous...the heartbeat.

Almost everyone I know always comments about the gender based on Sweet Pea's heartbeat. The saying is if the heartbeat is over 140 it is a girl and if it is under 140 it is a boy.

Sweet Pea's last two heartbeat readings were in the 160's.

So based on that...those old wives are saying Sweet Pea is..........

A GIRL!

So that leads the tally of those old wives to be:
Girl -100%
Boy-0%

What are your experiences with heartbeat and gender?

Do These Old Wives Know What My Baby Is?

2010-10-08T11:26:00.000-04:00

Hello my friends!

It was not even a discussion...when we found out we were expecting...we KNEW we would find out what we were having. If you know us, you know we couldn't wait. My husband HATES surprises and I am so not a yellow type person. Pink or Blue...I love them both!

Of course, we wanted to know as soon as possible...and then my mom and dad wanted to be here and suddenly my priorities changed. I no longer wanted to find out as early as possible. I wanted my mom and dad there. They scheduled a visit around my 20th week....and they will get to be there when we find out. Nothing in the world is more special to me!

With this being said...of course, I have to WAIT until I'm 20 WEEKS! We have a little over a month to go so I figured what a better way to spend this month then doing all those tests people tell you to try to guess the gender.

Who are these old wives??!?!? and what are their tales?!?!

I picture the old wives as a group that looks like this...

Sitting around and chatting about their experiences and their children.

"In my day....."

You would hear lots of this:

"MY Edward......" "Well MY Judith......"

So in my head...those are the old wives...and I'm honoring them. Now of course I know this isn't accurate....It's really a fifty fifty shot! Each tale has a change of being half right or half wrong. Sweet Pea is already a boy or a girl. This whole series is meant for fun....

I will have fun doing it and I hope you have fun reading it!

My first tale will be posted tomorrow morning and I will post one a day until our anatomy scan! I will keep a running total each day about what the chances for each gender is based on that group of old wives and then of course...we can compare when I find out =)

oh and P.S.-Any experience you have with the tales I tell each day...please share! I love reading about others experiences!

So to start...what are some of your favorite gender old wives tales?

Happy October!!!

2010-10-07T19:52:00.000-04:00

I love me some Yankee's baseball!

and I love me some Derek Jeter

OOPS! Wrong picture =)

Catching Up!

2010-09-30T12:45:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! I am so sorry it has been awhile since I last posted! I kept telling myself I just HAD to get on here and post something. It wasn't fair to my stalker...visiting my site almost every day and not having anything new to read...Such injustice! If you are that interested in my life...I should at least provide you with new stuff to read right?

First, I want to announce my giveaway winner!!! #20 -LINDSEY!!!!! I have never seen someone more dedicated on a contest! I'll send you a message lady! ENJOY YOUR NEW MAT!!! Bake me some yummy stuff =)

In other news, We moved last weekend. I don't recommend moving during pregnancy...EVER! I felt helpless that I couldn't do much. God bless my husband and wonderful mother in law for all the work they had to do because I couldn't. It's so wonderful to have such a supportive family =) We are still in the process of unpacking...which is why I haven't been blogging much. I promise to be better...I know you all miss me!

OH and I totally judged Dr.Hawaiian Tropics too quickly. Had an awesome visit with him last week!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE him!!!

I AM IN LOVE!!!

2010-09-20T19:52:00.000-04:00

First things first...have you entered my blog giveaway yet?!?! You still have a week! It's what all the cool kids are doing!

For the first time in my pregnancy, this feels real. I have a baby growing in my belly....and it's ALL sorts of wonderful! We had the NT scan today. I am in LOVE!

I was so nervously excited for this scan....So nervous because I hadn't seen Sweet Pea in three weeks. That's a long time to a infertile. I did LOTS of research about the test and asked so many questions from a friend. I kept hearing that this was an external scan. I couldn't believe it! Only really pregnant people get to do those. I was still unsure so I shaved my Yeti legs anyway to prepare!

Once we got to the office and the ultrasound tech got going, my heart seriously soared. I have never loved something SO much! Watching Sweet Pea on that screen was something I have dreamed about for MANY years.....something I wasn't sure I would ever get to experience. Something I will now never forget.

My darling was perfect! Heart rate of 167! Moving around like they were dancing. Unfortunately, Sweet Pea was being stubborn, just like mom and dad! The ultrasound tech had to keep shaking Sweet Pea to get them to move. Of course, all I kept thinking was how she was probably giving my baby brain damage. Sweet Pea was probably like "What is this? An Earthquake?!"

She even startled my poor baby who we watched literally JUMP on the screen. That WITCH!

My heart became so full this morning. I looked at my husband....we created this...and looking at that screen...I thought my heart would burst. Is there any type of heart better to have then one full of such love?

I unfortunately kept getting yelled at because I was laughing. The mean lady even made me turn on my side away from the screen to try to get a better angle. What did Sweet Pea do about this? Turned around and mooned her! That is my child!!

We finally got the perfect measurement for the NT about 15 minutes later. I haven't received the risk assessment yet...but she said it is looking normal.

We scheduled our gender scan for eight weeks. I can't wait to find out what we are having!

I think it finally hit us....we are having a baby!!!!!

P.S. My husband and I have decided we will NOT be sharing pictures of the baby on here or twitter. I understand how devastated you are all but we feel strongly about this. I hope you all can understand and respect our wishes! xoxoxoxo

GIVEAWAY- IMPRINT MATS

2010-09-12T22:38:00.001-04:00

Ok Let's talk comfort.......

I'm on the cusp of finishing up my first trimester and let me tell you my friends, I am ALL about comfort these days. I want comfortable pants, comfortable shoes, and my comfortable bed and pillows.

I must admit in my first trimester UTTER fatigue phase...my housework well has...um...what's the best word for it......slacked? all but almost disappeared? Honestly, if you give me a choice between housework and a nap...I take the nap....EVERY TIME!!!

But seriously, being a housewife there are just SOME things that need to be done sometimes. Don't get me wrong my wonderful husband has been a HUGE help but he works hard all day and I don't expect him to do everything ALL the time (just most of the time!)

So there are times, when I have to suck it up and get down and dirty.....especially with the dishes! My biggest pet peeve about washing dishes is the backache. It's awful! You end up switching feet to put your weight on, which puts a SERIOUS damper on trying to dance to the music your listening to while washing the dishes.

I'll admit when my husband's stepmother told me about the Imprint Comfort Mats..I was skeptical. A mat is a mat right? Oh but this isn't just a mat. This my friends is HEAVEN for your weary feet. Washing dishes no longer proves to be an issue (well expect for the fact that I just don't want to!).

These are how great these mats are... I accidentally stepped on the mat with my high heels. The mats are spongy and my heel print went right into it. I automatically freaked out! I thought I ruined the mat! The next day, when I woke up....YOU COULDN'T TELL!!! I was shocked and in love. Is there any better way to feel like a woman then to slip on those Manolo's and wash your husband's dirty dishes? (Don't roll your eyes at me).

The mats don't need to just be used in the dish washing! You can put it in front of the stove for those yummy delicious meals you make your family. Put it in front of the bathroom mirror for comfort while doing your hair and makeup! And if all else fails my friend, they are GREAT for taking naps (not like I know or anything).

So here's the deal: Sublime Marketing Group contacted me to do a review and giveaway to one of my blog readers of their Imprint Comfort Mats. I of course jumped at the chance... I have received the great comfort..and now I want to pass it on to you!

Sublime Marketing Group is offering a standard length (20 x 36") Imprint Comfort Mat Elite Series (Retail $69.99) to one VERY lucky reader! The company will try to grant the color and pattern wishes of the winner but they might vary, depending on what is in stock.

The giveaway will run until 9/26! Winner will be chosen at random and announced on my blog on 9/27! Mat will be sent directly from the company to the winner's house, where the winner can feel free to gush over the comfort!

Of course you want to know how to enter...LISTEN UP:

To qualify you MUST:

Be a follower of my blog
Go to www.imprintmats.com ....look around the website and leave me a comment telling me how you would use your Imprint comfort mat! (and don't forget to leave your name!)

Oh my friends...but the entries don't stop there!

EXTRA ENTRY OPPORTUNITIES: please leave a SEPARATE comment for EACH extra entry!

Follow Sublime Co. on Facebook (2 extra entries)
Tweet about this giveaway (using @amaprincess and @sublimeco) (1 extra entry PER DAY) -Please provide a link to the tweet EACH day that you do it!
Follow @SublimeCo on twitter ( 1 extra entry)
Add my button to your blog (1 extra entry)
Mention my giveaway in your blog post (3 extra entries) - Please provide a link to the post

Remember to leave a SEPARATE comment for EACH entry!!

Good Luck =) May the luckiest person win!

A New Two Week Wait!

2010-09-09T13:18:00.000-04:00

As an infertile, I lived in this fantasy land. I often dreamed about the day I would wind up pregnant and how blissful that time would be for me. There would never be any worrying like I did when I was trying to get pregnant. No stress....just that warm pregnancy glow everyone talks about.

I have spent plenty of time living two weeks at a time. Two weeks leading up to that BIG O (I'm talking ovulation...get your head out of the gutter!) and two weeks after it. The two weeks leading up to it were full of tears from the last failed cycle, medications, opk's, and lots of visits to the RE to see the blood sucking vultures and my best pal Wandy! The two weeks after the event, were filled with ALL SORTS of emotions. It was a vicious cycle....one that felt never ending...and then just like that...it did end.

However, I have found that pregnancy is MORE worrying than trying to conceive. No longer are my prayers and fears about a possible child. I now worry about sweet pea. Years of stories from people about things going wrong are etched into my mind. Dr. Google has gotten the best of me at times.

I can't help it folks....I'm neurotic.

I'm eleven full weeks today. Fourteen days until I am out of the first trimester! Two more weeks! Another two week wait!

I'm not saying my crazy neurotic ways will instantly be cured at that point...I'm not naive....they might get worse. But I will at least enter my second trimester with a smile.....and a little ease!

It's been difficult without the security blanket of Dr. Godfather and Nurse Christmas. After being monitored weekly, I was told by Dr. Hawaiian Tropics "see you in three weeks".

Saying that's a long time is an understatement.

However, I am pushing forward....My NT scan is in ten days (I can count down with my hands people!!!)

A different kind of two week wait. Here we go again......

Letting It Go!

2010-09-07T14:50:00.000-04:00

I've been such a bad blogger....shame on me! I know I stopped like right in the middle of that thirty day blog journal thing but I got bored. So we will just say it was a 24 day journal and move on =)

I totally had an epiphany last night while watching Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion (by the way...ending was totally lame!). Caroline made a comment about life not being all lollipops and roses. I've said that a thousand times before, substituting lollipops and roses for rainbows and butterflies.

Why can't life be all lollipops and rainbows?

I know...it's not...but can't I at least try to see the best in everything .....Can't I at least try to be happy and let things roll off my back?

If I'm having a bad day...why can't there be lollipops? If I'm going through a storm, why shouldn't I look for the rainbow?

So I promised last night...I'm starting a new life of lollipops and rainbows.

Here's the thing...It will be a struggle. I know it will. I am an extremely passionate person. I put my heart into people and things I care about and I get mad or protective when issues come up. Unfortunately, this leaves me often angry and unable to sleep. Who is that hurting? Me. And it's not just me anymore, its affecting Sweet Pea too!

So I'm letting it go.... I'm grabbing my lollipops and I'm looking for that rainbow.

I know who is worth fighting for....and I know who isn't.

I know what is worth fighting for ...and I know what isn't.

People are like holidays. Do others see you as Christmas, or more like Tax Day?

~Terri Guillemets

Introducing My OB!

2010-09-02T21:04:00.000-04:00

Today I have reached the ten week mark! Double digits baby! 10 down- 30 to go!!!!

On Monday, my husband and I had our very first appointment with our OB. I was clueless how to find one. So I picked the hospital I want to deliver at and then asked Nurse Christmas for recommendations. She gave me three names that Dr. Godfather recommended. Upon doing research, I made my choice.

Dr. Godfather's office was state of the art. New ultrasound machines, flat screens, HUGE fish tank with plenty of fish. This of course didn't surprise me...I mean infertility is a million dollar business, I'm sure.

I don't know what I was expecting when I pulled up to my OB....but whatever I was expecting, it wasn't a house. To be honest, I was a little creeped out. I don't know why! My pediatrician when I was little worked out of a basement apartment in his house in Brooklyn. I calmed my fears and went inside.

The waiting room resembled an old ladies living room. I half expected to see tea and scones or crumpets or something. We filled out the massive amounts of paperwork required to find a doctor to deliver your baby. Just as I finished up....in he came.

Introducing Dr. Hawaiian Tropics! He is a mix between:

George Hamilton


and Jack's dad from the show LOST!

NO LIE! I'll let that sink in for a moment.........

.
.
.

The truth is he totally looks like a man who delivers babies. I could picture him delivering my baby.

Next we had our sit down with him. He was going to ask us questions and then we would ask him. Here's the thing. He totally didn't really want me to ask him questions. The first question (albeit was about financial concerns but I'm NEW to this...I didn't know) was answered with a snarky response. HEY DOC- DID YOU NOT SEE MY POST ON THE SUPER PREGGO BITCH CAPE?!?! After that he just seemed annoyed. He answered everything but you could tell he didn't want to or maybe my first question annoyed him SO much.....either way...wasn't too happy at this moment.

My super angel doctor that I ten minutes ago pictured happily delivering my baby...was quickly turning into the devil with a pitchfork.

Next was the examination time....He brought me into a room and I NO JOKE almost passed out when I saw his ultrasound machine. Maybe I was spoiled at Dr Godfather's but SURELY there was a newer cheaper model that wasn't made in the 80'S?!?!? The ultrasound machine was as old as I was.....very Commodore 64

I'm sorry but is the maternity business not doing well nowadays?!?!

He then proceeded to find Sweet Pea. Looked at the heart and decided it was strong enough (without trying to listen to it) and printed me a picture...which you can imagine is pretty much in 8 bit! If I ever thought Sweet Pea looked like a blob of jelly...now was the time. The thing that stopped me from freaking out was that Sweet Pea is measuring on schedule. Official due date March 31!

He then proceeded to give me magazines to read and send us on our merry little way.

It was an experience......I don't know how to feel.....

Here's the thing....he came HIGHLY recommended from Dr. Godfather whose opinion REALLY means everything to me. The man has GOT to be a good doctor. I don't need to have dinner with him..I need him to take care of Sweet Pea.

I am giving it one more chance. I scheduled my NT scan through his office at the local hospital in about 2.5 weeks. I will then return to see him a few days later. We will see how that goes.

Maybe he will be nice if I put on coconut lotion?!?

Putting Faith in My Beliefs!

2010-08-29T22:50:00.000-04:00

It's about to get religious up in here...HATERS need not apply!

I am in no way pushing my religion...this is my experience with infertility and religion.....

I am Catholic. I grew up Catholic. My many experiences with what I learned about my religion really did help to put the fear of God in me. I believed for many many years that God rewarded those who did right and punished those who did wrong. If something bad happened to me, it must have been a reaction to something I did. As a 30 year old adult...I see how illogical that seems...but regardless it's what I believed.

This belief in God and my strong belief in fate and "everything happens for a reason" was how I guided my life. How I made the decisions I did. It's because of these things that I felt punished through my infertility. I felt like I took a wrong step, made a wrong decision, took a wrong turn somewhere. For years I tried to figure out what it was. There was never a satisfying answer....

Honestly, infertility has brought me to the lowest point of my religion. I didn't understand it. The phrase "God is good" sent me overboard. I was angry and hurt. I felt abandoned by my faith...when the truth was I was the one abandoning it. I watched what people I love went through. I questioned how there could be a God if there was so much devastation in the world. To this day...I can not answer that question.

I examined my beliefs...I questioned my beliefs....I rebelled against my beliefs. I thought this was the lowest point in my life.

And then that Sunday morning, when I thought my life was crashing down....when I thought the happiest part of my soul was going to be taken from me....when I didn't know how to take another breath or another step. I PRAYED.

I prayed and I pleaded. At my lowest, I turned to God. There was so much unknown in that three hour wait in that emergency room bed. My conversations alternated between my husband and God.

Hearing the ultrasound tech say "There's that heartbeat" and then seeing my miracle....my baby...fighting. There were no words. After years of praying and pleading, He listened.

I made a promise to him that Sunday morning. If he took care of my Sweet Pea....if he kept Sweet Pea safe and alive, I would return to him....fully!

So far, God has held up his end of the bargain...and I have held up mine. Each Sunday, I go to church and I pray. I no longer view it as a chore as I once did when I was little. I'm enjoying my renewed sense of religion. I don't know what tomorrow brings. I don't know where my life will take me...I believe with all my faith that this journey will put Sweet Pea safely into my arms in about seven and a half months!

I'm not going to pretend I have all the answers or try to understand why we had to go through what we did. I'm just gonna state that I fell away from God....................................and he picked me up when I needed it.

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Day 24- Where You Live

2010-08-27T09:50:00.001-04:00

I will do this in pictures


Welcome to New Jersey

Home of: Beautiful scenery


The Jersey Shore

And Atlantic City!

BUT ALSO HOME OF:


Not having to pump your own gas


Fist Pumping


and these Guys

And of course you can't forget our CLASSIC entertainment:


Jersey Shore


Real Housewives of New Jersey


Jerseylicious

And my fav...Jersey Couture!!

I Have A New Cape

2010-08-24T22:23:00.000-04:00

Something has been happening to me over the last few days and I can't stop it.

I can't control it. I can't explain it. It just happens......

INSERT Preggo Super Bitch!

There is no warning when my preggo super bitch cape comes on...it just happens. Something will piss me off to no end and I snap. It's like PMS times infinity.

I've been wearing my Preggo Super Bitch cape all day today. This is no joke people....BEWARE!

I need to buy one of these....for real

Day 23- Youtube Video

2010-08-24T09:15:00.000-04:00

Ok so this isn't from Youtube....It's from Babelgum and it's my favorite video EVER!! ENJOY!

Day 22- A Website

2010-08-23T09:12:00.000-04:00

My Favorite "I wish I was rich so I could afford some of these things because they are so friggen cute and my child will just need them" website is:

POSHTOTS

http://www.poshtots.com/

Seriously....LOVE! I've been daydreaming on this site for years!

Day 21- A Recipe

2010-08-22T09:09:00.000-04:00

Here is a favorite recipe of mine from my best friend Giada De Laurentiis (courtesy of Foodnetwork.com)

Fusilli alla Caprese

Level: Easy Yield: 4 to 6 servings

Times:

Prep 10 min
Cook 10 min
Total: 20 min

Ingredients

1 pound fusilli pasta
3 tablespoons olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
3 cups cherry tomatoes, quartered (about 1 1/2 pints)
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/2 cup packed fresh basil leaves, torn
8 ounces fresh mozzarella, diced (about 1 1/4 cups)

Directions

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the pasta and cook until tender but still firm to the bite, stirring occasionally, about 8 to 10 minutes. Drain pasta into a large bowl and reserve 1/2 cup of the cooking liquid.
In a medium skillet heat the olive oil over medium heat. Add the garlic and saute until fragrant, about 2 minutes. Add the tomatoes, salt, and pepper. As the tomatoes cook and soften, smash them with a fork. Continue to cook until the tomatoes make a chunky style sauce, about 4 minutes. Transfer the tomato sauce to the bowl with the pasta. Toss to combine. Add the basil leaves and mozzarella. Stir to combine. Add the reserved pasta water, 1/4 cup at a time, until the pasta is moist. Serve.