The Birth of The Sun

It has been a crazy long time since I have been able to post. TONS of stuff has happened since May. I figured I'd start at the beginning....

In late May, Peanut arrived. It was totally scheduled due to a prior C-section (opinions not welcome here!). The last few months of the pregnancy were challenging. I had Gestational Diabetes but honestly I kicked it's ass. Pregnancy cravings and GD do not mix but I stayed focused and ate ALL the cardboard!  

So one morning in May, my husband and I left Sweet Pea for the first time ever to welcome Peanut into the world. I was so glad that my parents were able to be here with her. 

I must say my experience with my C-section was so different this time. I was calm. I knew what to expect. Time went as scheduled. There was no waiting around this time. Surgery took a little longer this time due to some scar tissue but seriously in no time, I laid eyes on my sweet little peanut!

He looks JUST like his daddy which I had hoped for from the second I found out we were having a boy. I was beyond THRILLED to find out he did not need to go to NICU due to my GD! This had been a huge fear of mine since I found out I had it. 

And this time, we were able to have him with us in recovery. Everything was going exactly as planned....  I was over the moon! 

Peanut had been having a few issues with feeding. No matter what he seemed to take, it came back up. Everyone said it was ok, just his stomach emptying out the contents of the amniotic fluid. Nothing to worry about. 

They asked to take him to the nursery for a bath. I told them I was going to close my eyes and would ring for him in a couple of hours. 

The first night in the hospital is always filled with many people in and out of your room, checking on you for everything. This night was no exception except I didn't expect a resident pediatrician to be shaking my arm to wake me up at 3 am. 

As soon as my eyes open and met hers, I heard the words "we have to take your son to NICU. He needs to be up there for some testing. He is vomiting green, which is bile and we are very concerned". I couldn't process what was happening. The pain meds had me groggy and totally unable to complete a thought. Thank god my husband was there and jumped right into action. He was asked to escort Peanut up to NICU to sign papers. 

As he left the room with the dr, I FELL APART. This wasn't supposed to be happening. I did everything I could to make sure he didn't have to go to NICU because of me. I didn't understand and I definitely wasn't able to convey more than a few words through my sobs. I had two nurses in the room with me. One pushing me to start pumping right away, the other making sure I had my meds and trying to get me out of bed so I could "go see my son". I think I was on autopilot then. I have a fainting history and this time was no different. I couldn't get out of bed. I knew I was going to faint. The guilt was unbearable.

My husband returned about 90 minutes later as white as a ghost. He explained they had to put an IV in his little arm and stint it so he wouldn't pull it out. They started to do all this testing on him and repeatedly pricking his foot for some blood. 

Time was moving at a snails pace as we waited for word of what was happening. 

Finally around 8:30 am my OB came to check on me. The second I saw him I started sobbing again. 

 "They took him to NICU anyway (he knew about my fear). They haven't told us anything."   

After explaining to me repeatedly that this wasn't my fault, I did everything right with the GD and he was almost positive this has nothing to do with that. He told me he was going up to check on Peanut for us. He called me about 15 minutes later and told me that there was no blockage which was a huge relief but they were still running tests. 

We called the family and requested no visitors with the exception of immediate family. My husband kept running between Peanut and I to make sure we were both ok. I spent my morning focused on getting out of bed so I could go to him. I needed to see him. My heart was broken. 

Finally around noon, I requested a wheel chair and had them bring me to my son. The feeling was so strange. I honestly couldn't stand the sight of looking at him with all the machines and wires attached to him. I wanted to yank him out of the little bed and run far away. The nurse in there was giving us the cold shoulder. I asked a question and got a very nasty response. It was so disheartening to have a lady like that working in NICU. These parents are entrusting their sweet little babies in your care. Respect them. Be compassionate to them. This might just be a job to you but half of my whole heart was laying there under your care. 

Believe me when I tell you I was vocal about it. 

Test after test was run and they couldn't find anything wrong with Peanut. THANK YOU JESUS! He was in NICU for a total of 36 hours. Still to this day they are unsure why he spit up the bile....

My family has been having some trying times since that dr woke me up that morning. As my son went to NICU, my aunt took a turn for the worst...but I'll save that for another post.

There's been death, lots of illness, and a fire within the weeks that followed. 

I promise to get into it all....

...but for now I need to tell you that on that Monday in late May, my sun (no typo here) was born. With everything we have endured over the past three months, my sweet baby boy and my perfect Sweet Pea have been the reason we are still able to smile.  

Here comes the Son little darling...here comes the Sun and I say "it's all right".