1.30.2013

A Dream of Peanut

Before I even knew I was pregnant, I had this really weird dream that I was nine months pregnant and didn't know (and no I don't watch that show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" because I honestly don't see how that's even possible. But anyway....). The dream was so strange.

All of a sudden, I'm in the hospital and we are freaking out. I had no idea what I was having. Then out of nowhere, the baby kicked it's foot out of my stomach and I looked down at it and saw a little foot with a Michael Jordan sock (um hello RANDOM?!) on it and I turned to my husband and said "it's a boy!". That's all I could remember....

And then two weeks later, I found out I am pregnant.

My husband and I were talking about how crazy the dream was ....I was actually pregnant when I had it.

So you could imagine my surprise when I learned that Peanut is actually a boy!!!

It's like my subconscious was preparing me for all this! Although I'm not sure what the whole Michael Jordan sock means.....unless he's gonna be a basketball player (or maybe own the Chicago Bulls or work/model for Fruit of the Loom or decide he wants to be a baseball player for ONE season).

HOW FREAKY WOULD THAT BE?!?!

1.29.2013

The Infertile Who Cried Wolf


Hi!  I totally know it's been forever since I posted.  At first, I had nothing to say.  Then I couldn't find the words..or the time.  I got an itch this morning...so here I am!!

HOW LUCKY ARE YOU?!?!

In our long journey for Sweet Pea, having never been pregnant before, I SWORE I was pregnant more times than I care to remember.  The cycle was always the same.  I would feel different.  Convince myself I wasn't...then convince myself I was.  Hang onto that as long as I could.  I would finally be so convinced that I would test...and it was always negative.  My hope and my husband's hope were just like floating balloons...kept going higher, and then would pop with heartache. 

Sweet Pea has been our pride and joy.  TOTALLY worth the wait...and tears...and money spent (because unfortunately when you are dealing with infertility this is an issue! BLAH!).

We had always said we would just let nature take it's course after we had her.  If my body somehow fixed itself, wonderful!!! If not, we wanted another child but figured we would wait a few years.

I learned pretty early....my cycles did not regulate.  I was frustrated and just decided to give up.  I wouldn't think about it and I began to accept that if Sweet Pea was it for us, that's still pretty amazing!

My cycles last summer were A MESS! However, for the first time in a long time, I didn't fret about it.  It was what it was. 

Around mid September, I remember thinking that my boobs were sensitive.  The only other time I could remember where they felt like this was with Sweet Pea.  I hadn't seen the Queen of Broken Hearts since the end of July.  I wrote it off as some weird hormonal thing and carried on. 

A week later, I started to get waves of nausea.  My husband and I were heading to Sweet Pea's 18 month check up (um who let her grow up?!?!) and I told him I thought I wanted to throw up.  He said "That's it.  After this appointment, we are going to the store and buying a test.  I don't want to listen to this for a month."  He then turned to my daughter, joking around, and said "Daddy is going to make Mommy pee on a stick so we can tell her she's crazy".  

I laughed!  It WAS crazy.  Yet, my anxiety rose and I just wanted to get it over with.

We got the test and the second we walked in the house, he ushered me into the bathroom.  I did what I had done so many times before.  Yet...this time I wasn't anxiously watching my clock for the 3 min mark.  I sat and read a magazine article.  When I was finished, I took a deep breath and looked over. 

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT SAY?!?!?!  PREGNANT?!?!?

I quickly rubbed my eyes and thought I had some disease where my sight or brain (or heart) blocked me from reading the word NOT!  This HAD to be WRONG!!!!

I opened the door SCREAMING "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" 

I will NEVER forget the look that both my daughter and my husband gave me....a quick look of confusion and then my husband's mouth kind of hung open for a minute.  I shoved the stick in his face so he can validate my new disease of ignoring the word "NOT". 

"That says Pregnant".

And pregnant I am. 

I NEVER in my life thought we would be blessed with such a surprise...such a miracle.  After so many times of "feeling pregnant" and the disappointment of not being...after so many times of being the "Infertile that Cried Wolf", we just didn't let ourselves go there this time!  Which of course, in the story, is when the wolf shows up!

Except this isn't a wolf.  This is our sweet little Peanut.....

I KNOW this makes me a cliche and I'm actually very uncomfortable with that.  I even remotely hate that "we forgot about it and relaxed and it happened".

I hereby apologize to anyone who has to listen to the advice "relax and it will happen".

Don't throw stones at me, k?