80's Music Narrative- Part 1- All I Wanna Do..

I was listening to some music this morning while I was getting ready.  I am an 80's child...therefore a huge fan of the music! 

There are some real gems from that decade!

What's not to love about a song that repeatedly says "Oh Mickey! You're so fine.  You're so fine, you blow my mind.  Oh Mickey!  Oh Mickey!" (by the way when I was younger...I was SURE she was talking about Mickey Mouse).  Or the head bopping "99 Red Balloons".  80's music is ALL GOOD!

And then this one came on......ALL I WANNA DO IS MAKE LOVE TO YOU by Heart.  I LOVE Heart's music....GREAT BAND!  But this song...seriously....wtf?!?!

So here it is my friends...my narrative of this WONDERFUL song!

It was a rainy night when he came into sight (ok ok...setting up the scene)
Standing by the road, with no umbrella, no coat (ok where was she picking him up?  A bus stop?  Was he homeless? Was she stopping in that "Don't pick up hitchhikers" zone outside a prison by the highway?  What if this was a serial killer?  This song could have ended WAY different! Don't do this at home folks!)
So, I pulled up along side and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile, so, we drove for a while (this further more proves that I think she picked him up by a prison. A definite escapee! If they had to drive for awhile...she picked him up in the middle of nowhere! OR seriously she must have HAD to drive WAY out of town to pull this off!)

I didn't ask him his name, this lonely boy in the rain (what the hell did they talk about if they were driving for awhile.  The Yankees?  I am hoping she at least asked a complete medical history!!! Excuse me strange man I just picked up on the side of the road that possibly escaped from prison and is a serial killer, does heart disease and diabetes run in your family?)
Fate tell me it's right is this love at first sight (I'm thinking the answer is NO!)
Please don't make it wrong, just stay for the night

All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
I've got loving arms to hold on to (OK so it established that she has arms....and they are loving....good to know! Sounds to me like the prison serial killer didn't want to do it! She had to convince him)

So, we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well (OH DEAR GOD! SHE KNOWS THE PLACE WELL! How many times has she done this before?!?!?)
We made magic that night, oh, he did everything right (Obviously, knowing the end of the song...I know they didn't use protection!  Were diseases not a concern at all here?!?!)
He brought the woman out of me, so many times easily (I'm assuming after escaping prison...this wasn't hard)
And in the morning when he woke all I left him was a note (If a man was singing this part, we would all be like....oh that DOG! And seriously he was in SUCH a deep sleep that he didn't hear her leave?  I'm thinking she might have slipped this prison escapee a roofie!)

I told him, "I am the flower, you are the seed" (Biology lesson....listen up folks)
We walked in the garden we planted a tree (This is a metaphor...they didn't actually walk in a garden and plant a tree)
Don't try to find me, please don't you dare (Honestly, this prison escapee serial killer is probably thinking right now...SCORE!)
Just live in my memory, you'll always be there

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
I've got loving arms to hold on too

Oh, ooh, we made love, love like strangers (Well  you are strangers....I think.  Part of me wants to think this is her lover and they are role playing so that the next part of the song isn't as bad as I think it is!)
All night long we made love (showoffs!)

Then it happened one day, we came 'round the same way (Oh boy does Fate have a way of slapping you in the face!  What are the odds right?  I guess the song couldn't have ended like "Then Nine months later, my husband thought this child was his and we lived happily ever after!"  Nope..need the drama!)
You can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes (oh shit!  Things just got REAL!)
I said, "Please, please understand, I'm in love with another man
And what he couldn't give me was the one little thing you can" (Here is where I am all WTF?!?!  Does her husband not know he is infertile?!?!  If he did, don't you think he would figure out what is going on?  And if he knew, then why not just get a donor?  Did they have bad infertility insurance too?)
All I wanna do is make love to you (That was really ALL she wanted to do!  REALLY!)
 One night of love was all we knew
All I want to do is make love to you
Come on, say you will, you want me too

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I want to do is make love to you
Say you will, baby, you want me to

All night long, all night long
All night long, all night long

All I wanna do is, all I wanna do
All I wanna do, all I wanna do
All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew, yeah
All night long, all night long  (um...ok....great)

I sang EVERY WORD into my hairbrush and when it was done, I was like...