12.22.2011

All I Want For Christmas

Before I go into my usual rant...I would like to point out that this is my 300th post! A Holy Crap!

I've always been the type of gal that had Christmas list.

I remember growing up going to my Grandparent's every Sunday for our family dinner and the excitement when that good old J.C. Penney Winter catalog was there.  Oh how we used to spend hours writing down everything we wanted from Santa...including page numbers just so he got it right. 

As I got older, my list naturally became more pricey.  One year I wanted a TV.  Another year, a DVD player.  Then of course, my VERY first designer purse was a gift from Santa.   The older I got.....the higher the price tags seemed to be....

Until I got married and suddenly, my Christmas list was priceless and unattainable

I wanted a baby.   I spent years wishing on every star and blowing out every birthday candle with the same hope.  Every Christmas, we watched other people's babies grow older as I put on my bravest smile hoping that people didn't see the pain I was enduring behind it. 

Christmas morning was always the worst. 


I used to lay and think about all the kids running to the tree and I used to beg and plead with higher powers to let me please hear those pitter patter of tiny feet and squeals of joy.  And for more Christmases than should ever be allowed, the silence was so loud and deafening that I couldn't even hear my heart break further or my empty uterus sighing and my soul telling me "this is definitely the LAST year".  

And then last year...it was. 

I was asked a few times this year what was on my Christmas list.   I am sure everyone waited with bated breath to hear which purse or shoes I wanted or which cool new electronic thing I just HAD to have. 
I won't lie to you all...I gave it some thought. After thinking long and hard about it....my decision was decided.

This year for Christmas I wanted... NOTHING.

This year, all of my wishes came true.  I have the family I have always dreamed of.  On Christmas morning, I will anxiously await my daughter's song letting me know she is awake.  I will run up to her crib and kiss her face like I do every morning as she babbles her "hellos" and "i love yous".  This Christmas, I will bring her down to a living room full of presents from Santa and all her amazing family and friends.  I will be grateful for every second as I watch her tear into her well earned presents and rejoice as I hear the sounds of music and lights come off of her new toys. She will be surrounded and thought about by people that adore her.  For me that's it.....that's the Full Monty.  There is no handbag or pair of shoes that can replace that in my heart. 

Here's the thing....people don't handle it too well when you say you want nothing.  I know I have rolled my eyes a number of times at my dad who often states that.  So I thought about what I could ask for....what could people give me that would mean something....

I thought back to Christmas time last year. A few days before Christmas, I woke up bleeding and was told I had to go to labor and delivery.  I didn't know what the outcome was going to be and I was scared out of my mind.  Obviously everything turned out perfectly but I am fully aware on how many times it doesn't. 

So this Christmas,I asked my husband to make a donation to the March of Dimes in memory of four very special little angels.  I have asked family to do the same. 

I have been blessed with Sweet Pea...it's time to start giving back to others.


P.S. I am in NO WAY judging ANYONE! I am purely talking about MY FEELINGS!! If you have a long wish list, I say "GO GET YOURS" and send me pictures of all your fun new stuff!

P.P.S - I don't want to live a total lie...I also asked for a steam mop.  =)

12.06.2011

Santa Spotted....Aisle 13!

You know those houses you go into where they OVERDECORATE.  Christmas stuff is EVERYWHERE and it kinda looks like Santa puked all over. 

Yea...I am that person. 

We moved into this house last year when we found out that I was finally pregnant.  I wasn't too into decorating last year as I felt like a tired cow.   I knew that this year was going to be the BIG one anyway. Sweet Pea's FIRST CHRISTMAS.  So last year, I just allowed myself to lay on the couch and eat Christmas cookies (I won't even tell you what I gained the next month!).  

This year, decorating was so exciting!  I couldn't wait to pull all of our stuff out and to deck them halls with boughs of holly.   We put up the Christmas tree and as expected my little miracle was mesmerized by the lights.  I wanted more.....

We realized we didn't have anything that would work for outside.  We needed to buy something STAT....after all I am a total self proclaimed Christmas light snob. 

We decided to check out that big store that loves to roll back those prices.  I am NOT A FAN of that store.  No disrespect to those that love it, I just simply do not.  To me, every one that I have been to smells like dog food and stale popcorn.  I much prefer that bullseye competitor. 

We decided to go early Sunday and check it out.  I was thrilled that it would be easy in and easy out because they keep their Christmas stuff in the Garden center.  You could imagine my surprise when we went and there was like NOTHING we could use left.....NOTHING.   As I shrugged my shoulders and headed towards the door to the Depot of many Homes...my husband said those words I was dreading "Lemme check something inside".


*sigh* "Ok let's be quick"

We started to walk around and there he was in all his glory.....SANTA....on aisle 13 looking at folding chairs (I guess those elves are getting upgraded from those wooden benches). 

Seriously, there was a man dressed in a full Santa costume.

We had just taken Sweet Pea a few days prior to see Santa..... every chance we get we have been all "SANTA" "SANTA" "SANTA" to get her to learn.

I was able to walk past him and not make eye contact but as I circled around, we were facing each other.  I couldn't avoid it now.   I thought of turning around and trying to escape quickly but he had already started talking to my daughter and all I could squeak was "Look its Santa"

Here was my train of thought:
"  OH MY GOD! DOES THIS MAN EVEN WORK HERE???? HOLY CRAP HE IS GETTING CLOSER.  OK PHEW HE IS JUST TALKING TO HER.  AT LEAST THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE AROUND IF I HAVE TO START SCREAMING.  OH SHIT I THINK HE IS GOING TO TOUCH HER...WHAT THE HELL DO I DO??! HOW ON EARTH DO YOU TELL SANTA TO BACK THE HELL AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD.  OMG THERE ARE OTHER KIDS AROUND...I CAN'T YELL AT HIM.  OMG HE IS TOUCHING HER HAND.  EW EW EW EW! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WORK HERE" 

 With my best force of a smile, I jerked the carriage away and said "Say bye bye to Santa".  I went into the CD section and seriously almost hyperventilated when I realized I left the wipes in the car.  

After what seemed like an eternity (but was really like ten more minutes), we were back in the car where I scrubbed her hands like no other....

After a deep breath, I quickly congratulated myself for not ruining Christmas for other children by tackling Santa and making the evening news. 

Sweet Pea's hand hasn't fallen off yet so I think we are safe......

.....as far as that man....I can only continue to only hope that he worked there...

.....although you never know....He could have been one of those people of ___________.