We Have A Crib!

There is a crib.                                   In my house.                                         For MY BABY!  

I honestly don't know if I should jump up and down on the bed screaming for joy, sit down and cry from happiness, or throw up from nerves because we are in the home stretch.....

I do know that I will NOT like to do all three at once....jumping up and down on my bed while crying and vomiting doesn't sound like much of a good idea.

So I decided to blog instead......

Standing back and taking a look at this beautiful crib.....the one I have had my eyes on for what seems like forever, was enough to take my breath away.  (a quick side note....sweet pea might have also been the cause of my breath being taken away....they aren't kidding when they say sometimes it's hard to get a good breath!!).

I see her nursery coming together....slowly before my eyes and my heart and head are trying to catch up with what that all means.  It seems overwhelming because it still feels unreal at so many times.

My heart and head can take however long it needs to process all of this information....because it's moments like these when I want to make sure I NEVER FORGET ANYTHING!


The Pregnancy Rock and Roll

So last night I was laying in bed, watching some of my favorite trashy reality TV, when I suddenly HAD to pee.  At 31 weeks pregnant, I am used to this already.  My bladder has been flattened to the width of a pancake...and as if that isn't bad enough, I feel my darling little Sweet Pea aims her kicks at it sometimes.

So easy task right??!?.....get up....use the bathroom...get back into bed....

It was at some point in between the gracefulness and sexiness of me trying to get out of bed that I started laughing.

I could just imagine what someone watching me would have seen.....

There might have been some rocking involved......

There might have been some rolling involved.......

(Ah yes....the ever popular Pregnancy Rock and Roll)

There might have been a point where I just flung what I could off the bed in prayers that I didn't land flat on my face......

What was I saying?  Oh yes.....So graceful......So sexy! 

Silly me, in the beginning of the pregnancy, thought I would have this belly thing down pat.  I thought my fluff prepared me for this...But all too soon I learned this lesson.....

Lesson # 87132637890: Belly fluff is bendable...Baby belly is not.....

And we still have 9 weeks to go.....

Here's hoping if my water breaks while I am in bed that I will be able to Rock and Roll myself out of bed before Sweet Pea arrives =)


Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

About 12 1/2 years ago, I made a split decision that changed my life.  I kissed my best friend.  There we were sitting in a car talking and I just did it.  It was in that one second decision that I set the course of my life.  I began to fall madly in love with my husband....

It was the Best Decision EVER!

As many of you know, my husband and I met in high school...became best friends....and started dating after graduation (which just happened to be right before we left for college...in different states).  We decided to stick it out....after all I had already made my mind up that I was marrying him...and we dated long distance ....for a very LONG 8 years. 

I waited....sometimes patiently.....but most of the time impatiently...because as the ever clever Harry from When Harry Met Sally stated "when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible".  

And then it happened....we got married.  The sun shone....the sky was blue...and our guests, well ....they almost melted (117 degrees in Arizona on the wedding!).  The day was perfect.  Our relationship was perfect.  My husband was perfect.

In analyzing my life and the choices I made, I don't regret a single step of any of it.  We had such a strong foundation from being best friends prior to dating that NO amount of time or distance could separate that bond.  At times it was rough and there were days and moments where I felt I couldn't go on....but I pushed through and saying "I do" was the sweetest victory in what was to that point, the most challenging part of my life.  We grew up as individuals and came into our own, as both a couple and adults.  At 26, we knew who we were and we knew we could tackle marriage.  

We rather quickly moved into the stage of dealing with infertility.  I once again had to deal with the pain of knowing what I wanted and wanting it so badly and just simply having to wait. 

And we waited....and we waited.....four years.  Once again, there were days when I was convinced I wouldn't survive.....that my heart couldn't handle the ache it felt for our child.  I learned to cope, sometimes barely.  The infertility tested our marriage and our relationship more than the distance did.  There were so many lows, and let me tell you, those lows are the worst.  My husband's shoulder has hours of tears tattooed to it.  Both of our hearts bear indescribable marks of pain.  Maybe in the beginning, we let it affect us.  Maybe we fought more than we should.  Maybe I was wrong to think and feel that he would never understand. 

But then something magical happened, we rose above it.  We realized that we had the same goals and we wanted the same things and the only way to defeat infertility is to take it out....together.  Our relationship has never been stronger. 

I laid in bed last night and thought about how long I wanted Sweet Pea....how long we both waited for her.  How we have both grown up so much during these four years and how our relationship has blossomed.  I thought about how lucky my daughter is to already have parents and a huge family that has dreamed about her for so long.  So many people to love her, that want to hold her, that want to give her the world. 

There was NEVER a thought about not wanting this little baby.  There was NEVER a time where we wondered if we were ready to be parents....because we have both known for some time what the answer was.  Everyone knew it.....it was one of the things I was proud to have written on our faces. 

There are still moments where I can't believe I am pregnant.....that I can't believe I am in my third trimester...that I can't believe I am getting the daughter I always dreamed about.  And I think back to that day, our wedding day, when I put my dress on and had the same disbelief about marrying my husband.  I couldn't believe I was finally marrying him.  It truly took those moments of hope and dreaming for all those years for me to realize how special that day was and how I know that I will hold it so close and so dear in my heart forever. 

The day our daughter is born will be like that day......times infinity! 

 ......Good things come to those who wait......


Baby School

My husband and I started our prenatal classes yesterday.  To say I was nervous is an understatement....My stomach was actually doing flips (and not cute Sweet Pea flips). It's kind of like that nervous feeling you get on the first day of school combined with the anxiousness you get when you want to do something really well......I'm surprised I didn't puke!

This is our first baby and while I have some experience with babies, my husband has none.  While I *think* if I was to take her home tomorrow, we would fair ok....the thought still scares the beejesus out of me!  I understand a lot of parenting in the beginning is learning and trial and error...I don't want my daughter to be an experiment for us.  We worked too hard to have her...this is why baby class is so important to me!

I had the kind of nerves yesterday like if I failed (the class...which I couldn't possibly...there are no tests...but still) I would be branded an unfit mom. 

So we got to the class.  I don't know if it was seeing the other nervous faces around me that calmed me or what....but I relaxed a bit when we sat down. 

We had to go around the room and introduce ourselves.  I had my whole infertility speech prepared.  I'm not ashamed.  It's who we are.  It's why our daughter is already our whole world.  As I listened to the other people speak in generic terms, I decided for ONCE I was going to let myself just be pregnant.  I wasn't going to put up the asterisk next to tummy that tells everyone how many IUI's we did or how long it took us.  After MONTHS of feeling like I didn't belong in their (pregnant moms) group, I let it go and just enjoyed fitting in.

There was so much information thrown at us yesterday and I must say I am proud that I already knew at least half of it.  It definitely helped those "not good enough" feelings go away. 

I found myself near tears at a whole bunch of points of the class.....I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS SITTING THERE!

I also found myself smiling a whole bunch. 

We were lucky enough to do the hospital tour last night.  I have already been there with the bleeding scare but I didn't get to see the whole maternity wing.  Let me just reinforce that I LOVE MY HOSPITAL!  Yes, it's quite a drive for us but IT'S BEAUTIFUL and absolutely perfect!!! <3

So there we were, with the eleven other couples, standing in one of the many labor and delivery rooms.  Listening to all the talk about the process of labor was interesting.....however it also induced hot flashes and feelings of nausea.  The longer she talked the harder I found it to stand.  The room felt so small and I was a slight bit panicked. (A special thank you to the preggo that just HAD to keep asking more questions....)

I am 50% sure that I am too chicken to deliver this baby! 

Once the tour moved on, I felt better.  It was a slow night so we didn't get to see any babies in the nursery but just walking around the hospital and knowing that I will be there soon was amazing. 

We left the hospital excited and hopeful (but of course I am still freaked out...just a little!)

We have three more classes to go.  Next Sunday, we have to watch 3 films of births. 

THEN....I will be 100% sure I am too chicken to do this.......