12.22.2011

All I Want For Christmas

Before I go into my usual rant...I would like to point out that this is my 300th post! A Holy Crap!

I've always been the type of gal that had Christmas list.

I remember growing up going to my Grandparent's every Sunday for our family dinner and the excitement when that good old J.C. Penney Winter catalog was there.  Oh how we used to spend hours writing down everything we wanted from Santa...including page numbers just so he got it right. 

As I got older, my list naturally became more pricey.  One year I wanted a TV.  Another year, a DVD player.  Then of course, my VERY first designer purse was a gift from Santa.   The older I got.....the higher the price tags seemed to be....

Until I got married and suddenly, my Christmas list was priceless and unattainable

I wanted a baby.   I spent years wishing on every star and blowing out every birthday candle with the same hope.  Every Christmas, we watched other people's babies grow older as I put on my bravest smile hoping that people didn't see the pain I was enduring behind it. 

Christmas morning was always the worst. 


I used to lay and think about all the kids running to the tree and I used to beg and plead with higher powers to let me please hear those pitter patter of tiny feet and squeals of joy.  And for more Christmases than should ever be allowed, the silence was so loud and deafening that I couldn't even hear my heart break further or my empty uterus sighing and my soul telling me "this is definitely the LAST year".  

And then last year...it was. 

I was asked a few times this year what was on my Christmas list.   I am sure everyone waited with bated breath to hear which purse or shoes I wanted or which cool new electronic thing I just HAD to have. 
I won't lie to you all...I gave it some thought. After thinking long and hard about it....my decision was decided.

This year for Christmas I wanted... NOTHING.

This year, all of my wishes came true.  I have the family I have always dreamed of.  On Christmas morning, I will anxiously await my daughter's song letting me know she is awake.  I will run up to her crib and kiss her face like I do every morning as she babbles her "hellos" and "i love yous".  This Christmas, I will bring her down to a living room full of presents from Santa and all her amazing family and friends.  I will be grateful for every second as I watch her tear into her well earned presents and rejoice as I hear the sounds of music and lights come off of her new toys. She will be surrounded and thought about by people that adore her.  For me that's it.....that's the Full Monty.  There is no handbag or pair of shoes that can replace that in my heart. 

Here's the thing....people don't handle it too well when you say you want nothing.  I know I have rolled my eyes a number of times at my dad who often states that.  So I thought about what I could ask for....what could people give me that would mean something....

I thought back to Christmas time last year. A few days before Christmas, I woke up bleeding and was told I had to go to labor and delivery.  I didn't know what the outcome was going to be and I was scared out of my mind.  Obviously everything turned out perfectly but I am fully aware on how many times it doesn't. 

So this Christmas,I asked my husband to make a donation to the March of Dimes in memory of four very special little angels.  I have asked family to do the same. 

I have been blessed with Sweet Pea...it's time to start giving back to others.


P.S. I am in NO WAY judging ANYONE! I am purely talking about MY FEELINGS!! If you have a long wish list, I say "GO GET YOURS" and send me pictures of all your fun new stuff!

P.P.S - I don't want to live a total lie...I also asked for a steam mop.  =)

3 comments:

bibc said...

what a beautiful post, as always.
merry Christmas, friend.
xoxo

Kakunaa said...

We tried the "nothing" approach. We asked only for things we NEED as we want for nothing. We have our P. I did resist asking for an oil change, radiator flush, and timing belt replacement, LOL. All the gifts are for P...the clothes he needs. I so understand this :-)

SEL said...

What a beautiful post. I love the idea of giving to charity. We do it often.

I've said for years that I don't want anything for Channukah. It's true. The things we want, money can't buy. Family, health, happiness, love...

Merry Christmas, friend. XO