Back to Dr. Godfather I go...

I guess I had this silly preconceived pre-conceived notion that once I got pregnant, things would just fix in my body.  I mean how many times do we all hear that?  After the "relax and it will happen" and all the other "advice" that we get before getting pregnant happens, when we finally do get there, to that place that we waited for so long, the other advice starts....

"You body will most likely fix itself with the pregnancy and you will be able to conceive naturally after you have the baby".  

I clung to this. 

I don't ever EVER want to sound ungrateful for my beautiful baby girl.  Because trust me, I am fully aware that the sun rises and sets in her smile. I am eternally blessed with this gorgeous baby that will hopefully very shortly call me mama and I was extremely fortunate to be able to carry her myself -full term.  I can honestly tell you from the heart that I stop on a daily basis and thank god for giving me her....for bringing her into my life.  I can also honestly tell you that I do not let ONE moment go by without cherishing it....the laughs....the cries....the tantrums....ALL OF IT!

Here's the thing, I want more children.  I always wanted more than one.  Please don't think for one second that this ever makes me greedy.  Only a mother and father can decide in their own hearts when their family is done. 

So I waited after Sweet Pea's birth with baited breath to see if my body "fixed" itself.  After all we have done to have her, it seemed quite comical to be offered any preventative measures after her birth.  We had always said we would let nature take its course. 

And after three normal cycles, that course of nature stopped months ago. 

Out of exasperation, I tried to avoid the RE.  Yes, I adore Dr. Godfather with all my heart but I truly hoped I would have never had to see him again.  But after a few failed paths, I inevitably have to return. 

I now know my body never fixed itself.  The advice became another quote to add to the myths of trying to conceive. 

I'm not going to lie to you...I am having a tough time with the thought of returning.  That very thought brought me to tears in my OB's office a few weeks ago. 

However, I do believe our family isn't done and although at this point right now, we aren't going for treatments...I am going with the sheer hope that we can put "nature" back on it's course as my husband and I decide when it's right to start the uphill battle for number 2. 


crazytwinmomma said...

Been there! I don't think you're greedy. IF is just as much of a bitch the 2nd time around.