9.03.2011

Teething....OH DEAR LORD!

As if Sweet Pea having to get older and bigger wasn't hard enough on me....now it seems she is having to go and get  teeth...

However this teething thing isn't just hard on my emotional mama soul.....nope these bastards we lovingly refer to as teeth are wreaking HAVOC on my poor little sweet girl.  

I'll admit I was totally in teething denial (as I am with most of the getting older stuff with my daughter).  It wasn't until the first experience with the blood curdling screaming that I finally gave in and admitted it.  Apparently, my daughter and her screams are in business to wake the dead.......*there's another gray hair*

For the past three or four nights, my sweet baby SCREAMS AND SCREAMS and just when you think it's over....she SCREAMS some more. 

The first night I am all super mom.....I'm thinking "Ok I got this...I have been prepared for this" With lightning fast speed I run up the stairs...grab the orajel I ALREADY bought (WITH A COUPON!!!)...run back downstairs and put the orajel on my baby's gums.  Intense crying for a minute followed by a smiling cooing baby with tears drying on her cheeks!  

I conquered that shit! 

The next night, the screaming was louder.  Took longer to calm her down....but we did!!!  My hair might have looked like a hurricane blew through and my eyeliner might have been down to my chin....but I did it!

Tonight.....Oh! My! God! Tonight...... tonight was the worst screaming EVER!  My supermom cape was ripped to shreds by these bastards, the teeth! Tonight, as my daughter screamed the worst sound I have ever heard, I joined her in crying. Standing in the living room, I clung onto her and we both sobbed.  In crept that bitch, also known as Mother's Guilt because I couldn't fix it.   The orajel wasn't working.....the tylenol didn't work that fast and I was helpless.  We were both completely helpless.   WORST FEELING EVER!!

I assume by tomorrow my husband will try with his Superdad cape on as I sit in the corner in fetal position rocking and screaming  "Make it stop!!! Make it stop!!!"

I believe when they said that you should use whiskey when teething...that they meant that was for the parents....

I'd like you to meet my new best friends....Jack and Jim....

Actually...I'm pretty sure the nursery rhyme Jack and Jill was written for Jack and Jim....

Jack and Jim said on a whim "Drink us like it's water"
while the teeth are underneath the gums of your miserable daughter!

SO.....

I am hereby declaring WAR on these bastards, the teeth and their punk ass leader, Front Left Bottom Tooth!

I will not let these tiny little jackasses win!   Once we get the leader out, I'll be ready to take the whole gang down!

I fear this will be a lengthy battle.....*Can I get a hair dye sponsor or something?!?!???*

We will be victorious in the end!   My daughter will have those pearly whites to add to her already beautiful smile and I guess all of this will seem like a thing of the past....

That is until they start falling out....

......and I smash every single one of those bastards with a mallet!

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