8.09.2011

Miss Independent

I have never had a baby before...so I didn't know what to expect.  

In my mind I had a vision of this cuddly little chubby baby that just wanted to cuddle and make cooing sounds all day.  When I found out Sweet Pea was a girl, my mind started to wander further into the amounts of dress up we would play...

Me and my cuddly little baby.....

I should have known something different would happen when Sweet Pea proceeded to pick her head up off my shoulders at the age of 18 hours old!  I had a room full of people in amazement!  For me, I didn't know that wasn't normal.  Since that day, I kept hearing about how strong she is....

Strong....That's a great way to describe her.

I gave birth to Miss Independent. 

From the first minute, she continued to surprise us.  She rolled from her tummy onto her back at just 6 weeks old.  She rolled onto her tummy at 3 1/2 months!  And just yesterday, as she was sitting on one of my legs and grasping my hands, she made a motion to stand up....used those little leg muscles and pushed up!! I was grasping onto her...she couldn't have possibly held herself up...but it's just a reminder that it's coming...

I continue to watch my daughter grow every day.  She's doing new things that amaze us.  Things way before "her time" and I am so excited for it  and I love watching her grow. 

But part of me sits and wonders where my little baby is going......I kind of feel cheated out of the cuddly newborn stage at those moments. 

And then there is moments like before....where the world becomes too much for her, where the reality of all she is learning becomes overstimulating, and she cries.  She cries and she looks around.  She's not looking for her toy or her bottle.  She's looking for her mama.....she's looking for me!

In that moment, when the world becomes too much, I can tell the instant comfort she feels when our eyes lock together.  The tears begin to dry up the second my arms wrap her up like a warm blanket and the smile begins to creep across both of our faces. 

I know what she's feeling because watching her grow up gives me the same feeling...where the world becomes too much...where the reality of what she is learning becomes overstimulating but I don't cry.  No, I don't shed any tears until that moment where she nuzzles into my chest for comfort.....for safety....for love

Miss Independent begins to talk to me in her sweet voice and tell me about all the important things in her world and I kiss her head repeatedly.  I watch her tiny little hand grasp mine and sing her sweet songs as she starts to fall asleep. 

In those moments, I know I still have my cuddly little baby....Miss Independent still needs her mama and I take every moment and just soak it in.....

....There will be a day when she cries for something else.....someone else....There will be a day when she no longer wants to nap on her mama, where mama's songs and cuddles don't fix everything!  I'm preparing myself for that day....

..Ok I'm trying to prepare myself for that day.....

I spent my whole life being that Miss Independent and getting myself to this point.......

..I just never knew my heart could so dependently be in someone else's tiny little hands! 

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