1.03.2011

Baby School

My husband and I started our prenatal classes yesterday.  To say I was nervous is an understatement....My stomach was actually doing flips (and not cute Sweet Pea flips). It's kind of like that nervous feeling you get on the first day of school combined with the anxiousness you get when you want to do something really well......I'm surprised I didn't puke!

This is our first baby and while I have some experience with babies, my husband has none.  While I *think* if I was to take her home tomorrow, we would fair ok....the thought still scares the beejesus out of me!  I understand a lot of parenting in the beginning is learning and trial and error...I don't want my daughter to be an experiment for us.  We worked too hard to have her...this is why baby class is so important to me!

I had the kind of nerves yesterday like if I failed (the class...which I couldn't possibly...there are no tests...but still) I would be branded an unfit mom. 

So we got to the class.  I don't know if it was seeing the other nervous faces around me that calmed me or what....but I relaxed a bit when we sat down. 

We had to go around the room and introduce ourselves.  I had my whole infertility speech prepared.  I'm not ashamed.  It's who we are.  It's why our daughter is already our whole world.  As I listened to the other people speak in generic terms, I decided for ONCE I was going to let myself just be pregnant.  I wasn't going to put up the asterisk next to tummy that tells everyone how many IUI's we did or how long it took us.  After MONTHS of feeling like I didn't belong in their (pregnant moms) group, I let it go and just enjoyed fitting in.

There was so much information thrown at us yesterday and I must say I am proud that I already knew at least half of it.  It definitely helped those "not good enough" feelings go away. 

I found myself near tears at a whole bunch of points of the class.....I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS SITTING THERE!

I also found myself smiling a whole bunch. 

We were lucky enough to do the hospital tour last night.  I have already been there with the bleeding scare but I didn't get to see the whole maternity wing.  Let me just reinforce that I LOVE MY HOSPITAL!  Yes, it's quite a drive for us but IT'S BEAUTIFUL and absolutely perfect!!! <3

So there we were, with the eleven other couples, standing in one of the many labor and delivery rooms.  Listening to all the talk about the process of labor was interesting.....however it also induced hot flashes and feelings of nausea.  The longer she talked the harder I found it to stand.  The room felt so small and I was a slight bit panicked. (A special thank you to the preggo that just HAD to keep asking more questions....)

I am 50% sure that I am too chicken to deliver this baby! 

Once the tour moved on, I felt better.  It was a slow night so we didn't get to see any babies in the nursery but just walking around the hospital and knowing that I will be there soon was amazing. 

We left the hospital excited and hopeful (but of course I am still freaked out...just a little!)

We have three more classes to go.  Next Sunday, we have to watch 3 films of births. 


THEN....I will be 100% sure I am too chicken to do this.......

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