1.30.2010

I'm Being a Rebel....


That's right...I am being a rebel.....I am NOT going to my pregnancy blood work test on Wednesday. I feel I have endured enough heartache and pain this cycle with missing the ovulation and I don't want to put myself through the torture of waiting and hearing "You are not pregnant". So I'm not going....

I will of course call Nurse Christmas and tell her my plans (I'm not rude) and if she absolutely insists on me going in ...I will reschedule for Saturday, which is way past the day she should be coming.

Am I right here? Do I really need the reminder of another bruise to tell me how my magical cycle didn't work? There are truly no expectations for this cycle...I made my peace with that when I found out we missed it....so what's the point? I'm being rebellious and it feels good.....

1.26.2010

She gets it! I'm a beautiful blogger!

Thank you Roxy for the award! The first one where I actually know how to reciprocate!
Beautiful Blogger Award





Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
Copy the award and place it in your blog.
Link the person who nominated you for this award.
Tell us 7 interesting things about you.
Nominate 7 bloggers.
Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.


Seven Things About Me.


I have an underwear and sock fetish ( I seriously have enough to not do laundry for a couple of months)

I own a pair of Manolo's that I just HAD to have and have only worn them twice!

My love of purses started with Dooney and Bourke, moved onto Coach and is now currently in Kate Spade...I'm eyeing you Louis V.

I LOVE zebra print

Our guest bathroom is decorated in a pattern of shoes and purses.

I am OBSESSED with Days of Our Lives!!!!

A movie that will make me sob everytime : Untamed Heart



Seven Bloggers That I Pass This Award To:

Daneen

Kate

Becca

Cheryl

Holly

Kaitlyn

Heather

1.21.2010

January IComLeavWe


IComLeavWe


IComLeavWe: Join the Conversation

This is my very first participation in IComLeavWe and I am so excited to welcome new readers as well as find new blogs to read!


My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years (together for almost 12). We started trying to conceive as soon as we got married but have hit a lot of speed bumps along the way (lack of insurance, PCOS, rude doctors). We are currently seeing an RE (who I lovingly call Dr. Godfather) and are in the process of doing IUI cycles. I turn 30 in 5 months and am on a mission to be pregnant by my 30th birthday! Blogging has become an outlet for me...a way to mix my humor with the crazy infertility rollercoaster!

This is the story between "Just Married" and "They lived Happily Ever After".

I hope you all enjoy!

1.19.2010

Good night....Bad morning~

When my cousin and I were younger and we were getting ready to go out, we used to debate how the night was going to go. We used to believe "Bad day...Good night" or "Good day...Bad night". My mom used to say it to us all the time whenever we were having a bad day. We would pour over the details of the day trying to figure out which way our night was going to go......So after yesterday, I should have known I was going to have a bad morning....

I finally got a job yesterday....Not a great one...part time tutoring....money sucks..but hey it's part time and it's still money....I was walking on air last night! I finally am employed and I was SURE I was getting pregnant today...absolutely positive! And then we got to the Dr's this morning....things changed.....

Dr. Hurry was the on call doctor which made my Hubby nervous because he has never given us good news before. We were never ready for the IUI when he was the doctor. Upon examination, bad news again (Name change to Dr. Hurry-up-and-give-me-bad-news)....no follicles in there over 13! He started questioning my meds and seemed confused. I asked if it was possible that we missed it...and he said "That is definitely a possibility!" See...good night...bad morning.....

Nurse Christmas pulled me in today on CD 16, even though I have been showing ovulation on day 15! I figured she knew what she was doing (so I didn't say anything) and that the OPK's would tell the story. #FAIL! Blood work this morning showed...we missed it....a day too late....

H E A R T B R O K E N!

So I am regrettably informing you that I did NOT get pregnant this morning...and will have to wait a WHOLE month before we have another shot! I'm so tired of this disappointment....I'm just trying to have faith in the belief that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Just call me Pop-eye!

1.18.2010

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day I become pregnant! I will be ready for the IUI tomorrow and this is it! This is my follicle! This is our baby! This is our third IUI and all good things come in threes (check out my latest Conceive post The Magic of Three). So as you all wake up and head to work tomorrow...just know...I will be at Dr. Godfather's office...getting pregnant!

1.14.2010

The Insurance Debacle

Yesterday my whole world got spun upside down! I was just sitting here..minding my own business ..working on my first paper of my last class (YAY!) and my phone rang and it was my doctor's office. I immediately was confused...I was not expecting a phone call from them so imagine my surprise when I pick up my phone and have a financial coordinator (Let's call her Mrs. WRONG!) from Dr. Godfather's office tell me that she ran our new insurance and we no longer have any IUI coverage.

S H O C K E D.........S T U N N E D!

I held everything together until we got off the phone....she said our insurance company is no longer covering it and that if we wanted to continue with our IUI NEXT WEEK (yep..NEXT WEEK) it would be over $3000 cash! Mrs. Wrong suggested I call the insurance company and ask about my benefits and then send her proof we have coverage....if my whole world didn't just collapse ..I might have asked smarter questions. I fell apart....hyperventilating....felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like our whole journey was just slammed closed in front of my eyes. I called my husband sobbing......

A little back story...Hubby's company made us switch plans in Nov for this new year. We upgraded on plans to keep our benefits the same and even called the insurance company to make sure everything would stay the same....they said as far as they could see nothing changed....we still had our IUI coverage...so we went with the more expensive plan and moved on...ok back to my story.....

My husband loves me ....he really does...He was so mad I was crying....He took time out from work to call our insurance company and found out that we do HAVE COVERAGE! The guy from the insurance company told my husband that all the doctors office needed to do was call them to get it verified. You see if my husband was a little mad before...HE WAS REALLY MAD NOW! He called me back and wanted Mrs. Wrong's number to talk to her! My husband is what some might call a gentle but sleeping giant.....and the bitch just woke the giant.....

So he called the office and got someone on the line...He explained that he needed to talk to Mrs. Wrong immediately and was told she was on the phone and would get RIGHT back to him. That was at lunchtime YESTERDAY.....

....all day...no call

...so he calls again this morning.....leaves another message ...and again no call....

finally by three o clock when it was 27 HOURS since our first phone call (which is 27 HOURS of gray hair growing)..I called Nurse Christmas! I left her a message explaining the situation and that we needed someone to call us back!

Very quickly after my phone rings and it's Mrs. Wrong. There was not ONE apology for not getting back to us sooner. She said " Nurse Christmas called me and told me you were waiting for a call and that you were upset...so you have IUI coverage? Did you get proof for me?" I explained to her that my HUSBAND was waiting for her to call him back twice and that I had insurance coverage...NOTHING EVER CHANGED....I told her SHE needed to call them and get it straightened out. And then I said " So let me ask you a question, yesterday when you called me and turned my whole world upside down...did you even bother to call the insurance company first to check on the benefits?" Her response "No, I just looked on the computer". I was so mad...She wasn't even sorry!!!!

So she calls me back like 10 minutes later..."I just want you to know you have full coverage". And I snapped....I really don't ENJOY yelling at people (What?! I REALLY don't) but some people just need to be put in their place. Only after did I stress my UNHAPPINESS with her did she start apologizing....and it was a half ass-ed apology "I'm sorry if you misunderstood me".......I reamed her a new one for not calling my husband back and for me having to bother Nurse Christmas to hear back from her.

Nurse Christmas called shortly after to ask if she had called us and gave us the name of her supervisor.....I truly ADORE Nurse Christmas...She and Dr. Godfather are what is keeping me at this place....because it certainly isn't anyone else....

So plan and simple...SHE DIDN'T do HER job and pushed it off on me!!! The part that really pissed me off was that HER WHOLE job is insurance ...she's the financial coordinator! See everyone here has a job....It's my job to get poked and prodded and get pregnant....It's Dr. Godfather's job to figure out how to get me pregnant....It's Nurse Christmas's job to tell me I'm not pregnant and it's Mrs. Wrong job to verify insurance...WAY TO SUCK AT LIFE LADY!

I should bill them for my new dye job (to cover the unnecessary, unneeded and UNWARRANTED grays)....

1.13.2010

Slightly Wordless Wednesday

conceive


That's right people! What you heard is true....I am now blogging for Conceive magazine! Check out my blog Once Upon A (TTC) Time !

** On a side note....do you know when you just click with someone and wonder what you ever did before them?!? That's how I feel about Daneen over at His and Hers Infertility! For every obnoxious email, DM, IM, or text message, she has dealt with from me....I am eternally grateful!!! Pop over to her site and wish them luck on their adoption journey they are just beginning!! xoxoxo

1.10.2010

I Just Haven't Met You Yet!

Music lyrics have always spoken volumes to me! Michael Buble's Haven't Met You Yet has truly affected me (in a good way).....my song to my unconceived child!



I'm not surprised
Not everything lasts
Have broken my heart so many times
I stop keepin track.

Talk myself in
I talk myself out
I get all worked up
Than I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to loose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid that I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

Mmmmm ....

I might have to wait
I'll never give up
I guess it's half time
And the other's half's luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

I know that we can be so amazing
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

Hmmmmm ......

And somehow I know that will all turn out
And you make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid I'll give so much more than i get
I just haven't met you yet


They say all's fair.
In love and war.
But I won't need to fight it.
We'll get it right and, We'll be united.

I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility..mmmm..

And someday I know it'll all turn out.
And I'll work to work it out.
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get, Than I get, than I get, than I get.Ohhh!

You know it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, to give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.
I just haven't met you yet.
Ohh, promise you, kid, to give so much than I get.
(I said love, love, love, love...)
I just haven't met you yet
I just haven't met you yet.

1.06.2010

The RE and the Emotional Me!

I ran a gamut of emotions this morning! It started with having to wake up at 5:15 (ugh)....I was so very tired and so very pissed! My anger carried through til I walked in the waiting room and ONLY ONE PERSON WAS THERE! I swear I almost walked out and read the door because I was SURE I was in the wrong office! But nope....The FDB (Front Desk Bitch) was sitting there so I was in the right place. Blood work nurse went on a fishing expedition in my arm today....NOT FUN! Added to my pissy mood!!!

I just sat in the exam room fuming at everything....the time.....the fact that I have to go through this to have a baby.....that no nurse can EVER seem to find my veins ........And then Dr. Whispers walked in and my pissy mood turned happy! I really love that guy! As you can recall me stating in a previous post...He is grandfather adorable!!! Did my test and said everything was on schedule.....He left my room and I heard him knock on the door next to mine as I started to get dressed, I heard it!

The sound was soo loud and soo unmistakable.....it was a baby's heartbeat.... I felt like the walls of my room were shaking from the sound.....I've always pictured hearing a baby's heartbeat in these rooms....BUT I always thought it would be my own! GEEZ PEOPLE CAN YOU TURN THAT DOWN.......THERE ARE INFERTILES IN HERE! I couldn't get out of there FAST ENOUGH! I felt numb....stunned even.....I practically ran up to the front desk to check out......I just wanted to get out of there....my heart couldn't take it!

As I give my name to the lady checking me out, FDB states "What do you think about the name xx (name withheld just in case there are stealers lurking my site) if it's a boy". I SWEAR my head whipped in her direction so fast I caused a HUGE gust of wind! ALL I KEPT THINKING WAS "OMG SHE IS PREGNANT! SHE IS PREGNANT!" And then I thought as I had to listen to the FDB talk about her names....Why should I have to listen to this?!?! SHE knows why I am there....She couldn't have waited FIVE minutes for me to leave to start that discussion, when no one was at her desk with ANY type of fertility issues....This isn't a dentist's office for craps sake! On top of having just heard someone else's baby heartbeat...it was more than I could handle....I fought with myself to keep the tears at bay until I left the office....at least that was one thing that worked out for me this morning. I think that was incredibly insensitive of her....and I knew I didn't like her for a reason!

So I sobbed the whole way home.....now I am just feeling sad...It's gonna be a rough IF day today! As I hold tight to my dreams and pray that the third time is a charm, I also am aware that nothing in life is guaranteed (except of course death).....I don't feel that I am being all Negative Nancy either.....I feel like I am just being a realist!

oh well....while I am in this funk...I might as well take my Christmas stuff down....It's a depressing thing to do and I am in the perfect kind of mood!

1.04.2010

Those Trying to Conceive Rituals

OK Let's face it....we all have them...those wonderful rituals for trying to conceive (and I'm not just talking about the horizontal mattress mambo). Superstitions...what you can do...what you can't do ....is all enough to drive this normally pretty sane (I said normally) chica over the edge.

It all starts with those wonderful stories of pregnancies near and far and the struggles that many others have faced. Everyone loves to share a good gossip story right?!?! Have you ever noticed that in those stories...there is always a superstition embedded....an "I got pregnant because..."statement. "I got pregnant after I started praying to St. Gerard (or St. Anne)"....."My sister in law became pregnant after she started to drink whole milk instead of 2%"....."My best friends sister's mother in law's cousin's wife got pregnant after she started to stand on her head for twenty minutes a day while eating a bagel with her foot" (Do not try this at home people!).....you see the point?!

I'll be the first to admit ....I am all about these superstitions....trying to figure out EXACTLY what it takes to be pregnant! Last month...I thought the whole "If I don't talk about it...it will happen" was my ticket! I barely said anything to anyone about my cycle....I didn't blog about it (with the exception to tell everyone I had no expectations on "our break")...Hell...most of our family barely knew we were trying. My sister's wedding was the perfect cover-up and distraction...and trust me ...it was welcomed! But as many of you already know...that "ttc ritual" didn't work....

One of the twitter gals (name pending....my memory is shot) stated when she became pregnant that she really felt the pineapple helped! I am in no way a doctor nor have I done any research about the issue but I jumped on board faster than a speeding bullet! I ate pineapple rings....drank pineapple juice....Trust me DOLE should be giving that lady royalties with the amount of pineapple products she has helped to sell! But alas....that didn't work either (well for me anyway).....

So this month...what will be my focus? losing weight and reading my St. Gerard prayer card every night before bed....(just in case he is listening).....

What are some of your TTC rituals? If I am not pregnant this month...I will surely need new ones in the future!!!

1.03.2010

I had "no expectations"

So what happens when you have no expectations....you still have expectations! My blood work came back negative today....I KNEW it was a really long shot being that we skipped the IUI and the timing correlated with my sister's wedding. I really felt that there were no expectations but I realized today ....that is not possible! There is this little thing called hope that always seems to be around.

I probably would have been OK with just a simple POAS test this month, with my low expectations....I could have done it when I was ready on my own time. However Nurse Christmas said I needed to go for Beta.....When we got to the office this morning, it was empty (it is so nice to see the the Seat Warmers Union lets them off for holiday weekends!). I got right in and had my blood taken without a bruise (yep that's right...I said WITHOUT a bruise). When we got back, I had the internal fight with myself as my anxiety started to kick in! There was a good 20 minutes of "I'm not pregnant...well I could be pregnant....Yea but I'm not pregnant....but there is a chance...yes there is a chance...so why couldn't I be pregnant....but I'm sure I'm not...but still maybe I am". I FEARED the phone call....I realized I HATE waiting for these calls...Its awful.....no one ever wants to be told they aren't pregnant (especially by a nurse that can only be described as a cold hearted robot).

Nurse Cold-Hearted Robot (and please know that that phrase is the NICEST way I can say anything about her without using some choice four or five letter words) called and very matter of factly told me I wasn't pregnant, with the same enthusiasm of reading the phone book! She was rushed and seemed annoyed for having to call ME...seriously...phone call was under a MINUTE!! I get it! It must be really really rough to have to make all those calls every day and break thousands of woman's hearts but she needs to realize that she is breaking thousands of woman's hearts! It might be just a test result to her but it my dreams, hopes, and prayers that are being destroyed so I feel that a little compassion wouldn't kill her! I'm not expecting her to come over for coffee...but a simple "is there anything I can do for you?" or "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this...."....is that too hard?!?!? I of course, started to sob....

I'm not sure if she had told me a different way, if I would have been as hurt....I mean I REALLY knew what was coming....To make things worse...AS SOON AS I hung up the phone...I went to the bathroom and she started to rear her ugly head! Like seriously...that couldn't have happened ANY TIME BEFORE that call...cause then I would have been prepared...but that's my life and my luck ...quite comical huh?

I'll be calling Nurse Christmas in the morning to start our new cycle. I have already decided THIS is my month because I would be due RIGHT at the time that we would be moving to a new place...and that's just our special kind of luck =)