My First Gray Hair

It's official.  I believe my baby (who will be lovingly referred to as Sweet Pea) has given me my first gray hair.  and maybe my first wrinkle....definitely my first heart attack.

We had quite a scare this weekend. 

On Thursday, I packed up and headed into the city to attend the ever fabulous Blogher 10!  I was a little nervous about the amount of activity over the next couple of days but I promised myself (and my husband) I would take it easy...wouldn't push myself. 

By Friday afternoon, I was having these unfamiliar cramps in my stomach....ones that scared the beejesus out of me.  I did what any normal infertile who had finally conceived after four years of trying would do...I left Blogher (I know, I know!!).  Came home late Friday night and I am not even exaggerating when I tell you that ALL day Saturday I felt like hell.  I felt flu like aches and I was tired beyond belief.  I slept most of the day convincing myself that I pushed it over the last few days..and I just needed to relax.  Sweet Pea was just warning me that I was doing too much....It would all be ok. 

On Saturday (well technically Sunday) night, I woke up at 4 with a sharp pain that lasted only a few seconds.  I ran to the bathroom and everything seemed to be normal.  Pain was gone ...no bleeding so I went back to sleep. 

I woke up at 7 am to use the bathroom.  Now this might be a little TMI so dont read if you dont want but I have been wearing white or light colored undies so I know immediately if something is wrong.  Undies were clear so imagine my surprise when I wiped and had the tissue FULL of red blood!

I started screaming....ran into my bedroom with the tissue to wake up my husband.  He came running into the bathroom asked me to wipe again....this time I saw tissue....I almost fainted...This began my hysterics! 

We decided to go to the emergency room...due to the sheer volume of blood and due to the fact that it was bright red!  Everything always says if it's ever bright red to contact someone immediately. 

I couldn't believe this was happening.  I called my mom and screamed at her "I'm losing the baby" in between my sobs.

We ran to the emergency room.  Triage saw us right away.  I sobbed the whole time.  We were called to the billing station where the lady started to ask my all this information.  Here I am sobbing and she's asking my phone number..... I responded with "Are you f**king kidding me?".  I was ushered into a room right after that.  I'm sure she didn't want to be yelled at anymore. 

We waited in the room for THREE LONG HOURS before getting an ultrasound. Three hours of sobbing in hysterics....Three hours of discussing how we were going to get through this.  Three hours of silence (filled with the guy in the next room barfing....and the lady down the hall with a broken hip screaming!).  My heart was in a billion tiny little pieces...I told my husband I didn't know how I was going to survive this.  I have never loved something so much in my life.....

We were finally brought into the ultrasound room.  The lady explained that she first had to use the stomach ultrasound thing and then would do an internal.  I cried the whole time.  I couldn't see the screen.  I just watched my husband's face.  At first I saw this look of terror on his face.....

Calgon....take me away! I wanted to be anywhere at that moment...ANYWHERE but in that room about to hear what I never wanted to hear! 

Next was the internal.  Once again, I concentrated on my husband's face.  I saw a look of shock and which point the tech said "There's that little heartbeat".  I couldn't believe it.  She spun the screen around so I could see it.  It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. She found the fetal pole and the baby was measuring right like it should.  Heart was beating at 130 bpm.  I laid there in awe....still crying...more relief tears than anything. 

And I started praying.  I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.  I would sell my soul to the highest bidder for everything to be all right with our child. 

The dr came back in saying everything looked good.  No blood around the baby.  Cervix was closed and heartbeat was strong.  He would be calling Dr. Godfather to discuss what happened and we would need to follow up with him in the morning. 

They were discharging me...and I was still pregnant. 

The hospital diagnosis was a threatened miscarriage.  As Dr. Godfather has told me the next morning, even though things look good now..he will worry until I get to that safe point.  Saw Sweet Pea again Monday morning....they had grown since the day before and this time I got to hear the precious heartbeat. 

Heartbeat on Monday was 100 bpm.  I started to freak out  (because it was at 130 bpm the day before) at which point Dr. Godfather reminded me that it will fluctuate and that it was perfect. 

We are doing well today.  I'm a billion times more nervous now than I ever was before.  I apologized to Nurse Christmas on the phone today for the amount of times I will be calling with questions in the future. 

So here we go...taking things one day at a time...praying with every ounce of my being that Sweet Pea stays put and that the next 8 months are smooth sailing!