So this morning I had IUI 6.2! Can I just start by saying that I have never been so tired in my life?!? I was walk-into-the-wall-almost-fall-off-the-toilet tired!! Tired but excited! I get to sleep in tomorrow!!!!
Dr Noob + my IUI= Lord help us all!
My stomach seriously fell. The man didn't do such a great job with my ultrasound. There was a lot of um....fumbling....so the idea of him doing an IUI for me...seriously worried me (as it truly should have!)
So we get in the room and I am still secretly praying that by some form of god he wouldn't come into the room....Maybe he spilled coffee all over himself and needed to go home and change...Maybe his cat ran away...ANYTHING to keep him away from my Candy Land!
Speaking of Candyland..Here is Dr. Noob:
He isn't fat by any means....that's not why I chose this as his character. Gloppy is probably the size of the amount of hair gel this guy uses....gloppy.....hair gel....get it?. ANYWAY...moving on......
Dr. Gloppy Noob is escorted in by Dr. Ouch! My husband immediately turned to Dr Ouch and asked "You aren't doing the procedure today?" Her reply was no...he is. The sound of her voice made me nervous. I should have ran out pantless at that moment!
Warning: SLIGHTLY GRAPHIC- DON'T READ IF YOU ARE RELATED TO ME =)
He asked me to scooch down to the point where my behind was like hanging off the table. Weird request number one! This is my sixth cycle of IUI's so my twelfth total. I have never been positioned like that. So here I am with my Candy land board just hanging out for the two doctors and nurse to see.
I figured that this guy graduated medical school...so the speculum shouldn't have been a problem right? WRONG! The first one felt like my insides were being ripped...tears were coming out of my eyes. Onto number two....didn't work again. Dr. Ouch had to leave the room to find another one. I seriously looked at my husband and shook my head.
This isn't rocket science people! I'm sure my husband could figure how to put the garlic press/salad tongs looking thing in....
So finally we have the speculum in....and then ...DR. Gloppy Noob can't find where to put the soldiers. I COULDN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP PEOPLE. After toying around for what felt like 50 years but was probably 5 minutes (he obviously must have gotten stuck in the Molasses Swamp...You lose a turn), Dr. Ouch (my new hero) literally pushed him out of the way and completed the procedure herself. After it was complete...you could see in her eyes how bad she felt as she was asking me if I was ok.
My IUI 6.2 should have lasted about 5 minutes...instead it took about 15! AWKWARD!
Dear Universe, I firmly believe that I have paid my dues for getting pregnant...so make that happen k?
Fingers crossed...I'm feeling really good about this one =)