3.08.2010

Paused

The news is in folks. IUI #3 didn't work. The Queen of Broken Hearts showed her mark and CD 1 was last Friday. Sure I did what any normal gal who is trying to conceive would do. I cried and screamed and cursed that bitch! I'm frustrated! Dr. Godfather told us eight months ago he felt certain that once he got things moving in my body, I would have no problem getting pregnant. I expressed my concerns with Nurse Christmas. As it turns out, Nurse BFF LIED (I KNOW!!!). The injections are not as expensive as she had said. Don't get me wrong, they are still pretty expensive..but at least I feel it's manageable and not the amount of my rent! So we made a plan....regular IUI round this month...starting with the injections next month. I felt good about it...ready to go onto our sixth medicated and monitored cycle....until Sunday.

I had my day three ultrasound and blood work on Sunday. Boy was that office crowded! By far the WORST I have ever seen it (I thought the union gave the seat warmers off on Sunday?!?!?) I totally hate that I am starting to recognize people each time! So there I was in a room full of praying and pleading with God. I finally got called back after 90 MINUTES! "Oh Great...it's Dr. Ouch"!

Dr. Ouch was only slightly gentler this time....everything looked great. I even was showing a 12 already on my right side....and then like a cloud of doom, I heard the "Oh no. You have a cyst on your left ovary. Did you know that?". Um NO I DID NOT KNOW THAT! I started to FREAK out. Dr. Ouch explained that there is a high possibility that I might have to sit this round out. Tears sprung to my eyes instantly. My focus immediately became "don't fall apart in front of this doctor" instead of "ask questions". She said she had to look at my blood work before making any decisions. I was SO GRATEFUL that my husband went with me (he normally doesn't accompany me to day 3 appts)...I sobbed the whole way home. I don't like to be told I might be out of something before I had a chance to fight!

I sat on the obligatory pillow of "pins and needles" until the nurse called. My estrogen was high but borderline (don't ask..I have NO idea). She seemed confused. The doctor seemed confused. They need to see me back on Thursday to determine what it is. I just hope it's gone!

Right now, I just feel like we are on pause. Stuck between question marks! I didn't start the Clomid like I should have last night and I am anxious about it. I have PCOS so I am used to cysts and so are my doctors...but something about this one scares me. The thought of being told I have to sit out is heartbreaking and frustrating.

So to what ever has taken residence on my left ovary: I know my body is a wonderland but I would appreciate it if you hit the road jack and don't you come back no more no more no more no more!

13 comments:

Busted Kate said...

Wait, you have a cyst in your ovary, or ON your ovary? Is this one big?

Oh darlin, I am SO sorry that your IUI didn't take. I really was feeling so optimistic. I'm sending you an across the country hugs. Thinking of you :-(

Waiting Lisa said...

If you are on pause for this month, do you think you will move right into injections next month?
I am excited for you that the price isn't as much as you thought.

I'm sorry you are paused for now. I am hoping good news comes on Thursday!

As always, I am here if you want to talk.

jenicini said...

So sorry about the BFN and cyst! I had to sit out every other cycle with my IUIs because of them. It sucks. So, I'm really sorry.

Tillie said...

I'm so sorry that the last cycle didn't work for you! And now you have a cyst :(

I hope everything gets straightened out and you can be back on track...

sending lots of hugs.

Fertility Chick said...

Damn that cyst - let me at it! My fingers are still crossed that your blood work will cooperate and you get the go ahead. Hoping that damn cyst hits the road soon!

Holly said...

I'm so so sorry about the stupid cyst and even more sorry about the queen of broken hearts! I hope and pray that it goes away and you don't have to miss this cycle! *hugs*

Courtney said...

I'm so sorry. :-( I really hope the cyst hits the road and that you get good news on Thursday so you can press the "play" button again for this cycle. HUGS!!!!

Johanna said...

So, so sorry. You have been on this journey far too long, and I sincerely hope the end is near. We're all rooting for you.

junebug said...

I'm so sorry. ((Hugs))

Ashley said...

I am so sorry! What is up with left ovaries misbehaving?!? Mine is my thorn in the flesh too! I hope this cyst is not causing a problem and you will still be able to do this iui. Fingers crossed!

Ashley said...

I am so sorry! What is up with left ovaries misbehaving?!? Mine is my thorn in the flesh too! I hope this cyst is not causing a problem and you will still be able to do this iui. Fingers crossed!

The Quest For Baby Hang said...

I am sooo sorry your IUI cycle didn't work..I know how it is and it hurts SOO bad. I am also so sorry about the cyst..those suck and hurt! *HUGS* And very sorry you are on pause... *MORE HUGS* Hang in there and keep your head up!!

liberalgranolagirl said...

I know that we texted yesterday but I had to leave you some love on here <3 I hope that you can get some answers *hug*