It's Pre-Cruise Diet Time!

Everyone I talk to about our impending cruise tells me about the food.  There is pretty much free food 24 hours a day (even free room service!) and I don't have to cook or clean the dishes!  It was all just a huge fantasy until the cruise line we are sailing with sent me sample menus.  As I read through these menus and my mouth watered..I thought...CRAP!  I am in trouble here!

We all know that I am no size two model.  I am overweight.  I have a strange obsession with food and I have already declared that I am an emo-foodaholic.  When I am stressed or depressed, I eat.  I'm very sensitive about the "extra" part of me.  I have heard so many hurtful comments about it.  It is very easy for someone to sit on the outside of something and judge.  I feel like sometimes I have those two little gorgeous replicas of me (one as an angel and one as a devil) sitting on my shoulder and arguing about the food I eat.  I'll admit that many many times the devil wins.  Call it a lack of willpower...Call it depression...Whatever it is ..I am fully aware of it. I don't want to look like this. 

Then do something about it!

I am!  But on my terms, not yours!

On Monday, I started to eat healthy.  (I am calling it my pre-cruise diet.  My reasoning is if I lose a certain amount of weight BEFORE the cruise...it won't be so bad when I gain weight ON the cruise.)  Tossed out ALL the junk in the house ..and replaced it with fruit and vegetables. 

It's not just the cruise that I need to get healthy for.  I'll admit I was naive in believing that my weight isn't affecting our chances of conceiving.  The last negative was filled with so much guilt and was pushed overboard with the wonderful cyst that is growing on my left ovary. I feel guilty...I feel like I caused this...Maybe I didn't....but can you really tell me that for sure?!!? I would say half of the tears I cried was out of embarrasment for letting myself look like this.  That is very hard for me to admit. 

I've let my weight control me for too long.  I've hid behind it in social situations which has caused me to miss out on a lot in my twenties.  Here I am staring my thirties in the face ..and I am not going to let it control me anymore. 

I'm doing this for my unconceived child.....and I'm doing it for myself. 

BTW- I made two really yummy dishes from EatingWell.com (in a quest to cook those 25 new recipes for my dirty thirty list)
Warm Chicken Salad with Bows and Turkey Cutlets with Sage and Lemon (only I used chicken cutlets..YUM!)


junebug said...

I love cruising! Everyone told me about gaining weight on cruises before I went. However, I actually lost weight. All the sushi and fresh fruit I want all day? I even had a nightly creme brulee and a daily yogart cone (or two) and I still lost weight. I, also, went to the gym and attending a spin class, hubby and I did a dance class plus going and going on all the excursions. I had a few bites of everything at the nightly dinner but I'm kind of picky so hubby finished off most my meals. I think he might have gained weight. I don't eat meat very often so that might help. I hope you have a ball.
I am fluffy myself so I totally understand the comments part. I struggle with myself sometimes because I almost resist weight loss because I don't want to prove the haters right. It is counterproductive for myself but I feel like I don't want to give them any satisfaction for their rudeness.
Good Luck!

Patrish said...

I'm right there with you! I've been battling weight for years now. I've taken 5 cruises in my life and each time before I go I work really hard to lose at least 10 pounds because seriously it comes back. I'm definitely not a size two either! Heck I've never worn a size smaller than a 9, and I won't even go in to tell you what size I wear now. I hate my body and have difficulty with my self image all the time. I personally have been unable to lose weight for over 6 months now and I've been trying so hard. I have wondered if my weight has been the reason why we can't successfully conceive. I send you all my support as you attempt to shed a few pounds. Good Luck!

Megan said...

I totally understand where you're coming from, Jenn! I'm the same way! My husband and I went on a cruise a few years ago and it was probably the best vacation I've ever been on! It was so much fun! But I did gain some weight while I was there. It was hard not to. We didn't do very many strenuous activities because it was our vacation and I'm not a gym goer - though there was a gym on the ship. Plus they had ice cream out every afternoon... killer!

Anyway, I hope you have a lot of fun! It's worth it to lose some weight just to gain it back on the cruise - you'll still feel fabulous on the cruise from the weight-loss! Have fun!

Just Me...C said...

Hi! Just discovered your blog today. I just wanted to wish you well with your new eating plan. I am also an emotional eater and battle daily with diet b/c I'm naturally a little high strung - and I've suffered from a severe depression after the loss of 3 loved ones. It's difficult but much like you, I am trying to do well and remind myself that it is about so much more than just me. It's about a baby one day. So I just had to tell you "Good luck" and I'll be one of your greatest supporters!

Holly said...

I know you will think I'm nuts but you don't have to gain weight on the cruise! My hubby and I cruised for our honeymoon-10 days. I ate everything I wanted to eat and as much of it too, including 2 desserts one night, and I actually LOST weight. I think it was because I was soo active when I wasn't eating. We did lots of excursions that included walking or hiking and we always took the stairs on the boat and never the elevator. By the time dinner came I was truly hungry and I think I had revved my metabolism. And I was also really stress-free which I swear makes a difference. If I am stressed I can gain 5 pounds eating salad and fruit all day long.

Good for you for getting healthy! Have a blast on your cruise :)

Fertility Chick said...

You are amazing! As a fellow emo-foodaholic and someone who continues to battle their weight (and has for years), I commend you!! It's all about doing it on your own terms.

Your comments about ttc and weight really resonated with me. I have felt very much the same way - and am committed to work as hard as I can to do what I reasonably can to help improve my chances. Will I ever be a size 2? HELL NO. But even losing 5-10% of weight can be a significant difference.

Definitely going to check out those recipes ...if you ever want a buddy, I'd be totally IN!

Can't wait to hear all about your cruise - it's going to be so fun!!

Again, you? Amazing!!!

Courtney said...

You have an amazing attitude! I'm so glad that you've chosen to do this for YOU and not anyone else. :-) You can do it!!

Pregnant Yuppy said...

There are lots of healthy (and yummy) food options on a cruise ship. Just don't overdo it on the alcohol!

Good luck with your pre-cruise diet and have a blast!

Pregnant Yuppy said...

Forgot to add - I have such horrible motion sickness that I never gain weight on a cruise!

Busted Kate said...

As a fellow fluffy gal, I feel ya completely. Today, I'm starting Atkins. Let's support one another. Go Jenn Go! Skinny jeans, swimsuits, woo hoo.

Oh I am so jealous of your cruise, you are going to have such a blast!

liberalgranolagirl said...

I am so excited for you going on your cruise and getting healthier :) I know that you'll be successful!

And btw-whomever has made hurtful comments to you is an idiot <3 I will kick their asses if needed.