The RE and the Emotional Me!

I ran a gamut of emotions this morning! It started with having to wake up at 5:15 (ugh)....I was so very tired and so very pissed! My anger carried through til I walked in the waiting room and ONLY ONE PERSON WAS THERE! I swear I almost walked out and read the door because I was SURE I was in the wrong office! But nope....The FDB (Front Desk Bitch) was sitting there so I was in the right place. Blood work nurse went on a fishing expedition in my arm today....NOT FUN! Added to my pissy mood!!!

I just sat in the exam room fuming at everything....the time.....the fact that I have to go through this to have a baby.....that no nurse can EVER seem to find my veins ........And then Dr. Whispers walked in and my pissy mood turned happy! I really love that guy! As you can recall me stating in a previous post...He is grandfather adorable!!! Did my test and said everything was on schedule.....He left my room and I heard him knock on the door next to mine as I started to get dressed, I heard it!

The sound was soo loud and soo unmistakable.....it was a baby's heartbeat.... I felt like the walls of my room were shaking from the sound.....I've always pictured hearing a baby's heartbeat in these rooms....BUT I always thought it would be my own! GEEZ PEOPLE CAN YOU TURN THAT DOWN.......THERE ARE INFERTILES IN HERE! I couldn't get out of there FAST ENOUGH! I felt numb....stunned even.....I practically ran up to the front desk to check out......I just wanted to get out of there....my heart couldn't take it!

As I give my name to the lady checking me out, FDB states "What do you think about the name xx (name withheld just in case there are stealers lurking my site) if it's a boy". I SWEAR my head whipped in her direction so fast I caused a HUGE gust of wind! ALL I KEPT THINKING WAS "OMG SHE IS PREGNANT! SHE IS PREGNANT!" And then I thought as I had to listen to the FDB talk about her names....Why should I have to listen to this?!?! SHE knows why I am there....She couldn't have waited FIVE minutes for me to leave to start that discussion, when no one was at her desk with ANY type of fertility issues....This isn't a dentist's office for craps sake! On top of having just heard someone else's baby heartbeat...it was more than I could handle....I fought with myself to keep the tears at bay until I left the office....at least that was one thing that worked out for me this morning. I think that was incredibly insensitive of her....and I knew I didn't like her for a reason!

So I sobbed the whole way home.....now I am just feeling sad...It's gonna be a rough IF day today! As I hold tight to my dreams and pray that the third time is a charm, I also am aware that nothing in life is guaranteed (except of course death).....I don't feel that I am being all Negative Nancy either.....I feel like I am just being a realist!

oh well....while I am in this funk...I might as well take my Christmas stuff down....It's a depressing thing to do and I am in the perfect kind of mood!


Courtney (AKA MommaRoberts) said...

OH Hun I hope your day gets better!! You could look on another side and see these things as positive signs. Signs saying that in a few short weeks it will be you sitting in there hearing your baby's heartbeat and you asking what so-n-so thinks about this baby name. :) My fingers are crossed for you and I KNOW third time will be the charm for you!!!

Pregnant Yuppy said...

I agree with Courtney. I think these are both good signs for you.

Good luck!!

Kim said...

Some days seeing/hearing these things sting more than others. It has so much to do with where our minds are that day. I hope today ends up being a fabulous day for you, but better yet I hope this cycle is "the one"!!!!

I am going to begin my first round of IUI next month and I am excited and scared all at once.

Al said...

UGH, What a morning! I can't believe how insensitive ppl are at your RE's office, way to make an already crappy appt even crappier. Ugh.

Hope the day gets better and this is the cycle for you!

A said...

Oh wow, that is alot to handle at the RE! I hope your day has gotten better (hug)

Waiting Lisa said...

I would have cried too.

They were always really sensitive about that kind of stuff at my RE. Nobody was allowed to bring babies or children on to the floor at all. There was a baby-sitting service on the floor below. I think stuff like that is important.

I hope your day got better from there.

And I hope, hope, hope that soon enough it will be you hearing the heartbeat of your baby in that office.

Fertility Chick said...

Oh dear friend, I'm sorry.

I too was up at 5:15 a.m. (what a horrible time of day to be awake!), I was grouchy, and I had to endure digging for veins (holla for hiding veins! I totally relate to that).

BUT - I didn't have to endure the sounds of a baby's hearbeat or hear talk of baby names. That must've hurt. A lot.

That said, I hope the day has gotten better. And I hope that it YOUR baby's heartbeat you hear soon.

Thinking about you.

Ashley said...

Aww I am so sorry. That was so rude of her to start talking about baby names in front of you!!

Jen @ After The Alter said...

I feel front desk people are so nonchalant. I was trying to schedule a follow up appt for my miscarriage and the girl was like..."what's the rush?" when I got upset about no open appts. I'm like the rush is I have been through HELL and I want it over with! So rude! I don't think they think it through, and they should. I"m sorry:( I hope your night is better than your day..and tomorrow is even better!

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