1.03.2010

I had "no expectations"

So what happens when you have no expectations....you still have expectations! My blood work came back negative today....I KNEW it was a really long shot being that we skipped the IUI and the timing correlated with my sister's wedding. I really felt that there were no expectations but I realized today ....that is not possible! There is this little thing called hope that always seems to be around.

I probably would have been OK with just a simple POAS test this month, with my low expectations....I could have done it when I was ready on my own time. However Nurse Christmas said I needed to go for Beta.....When we got to the office this morning, it was empty (it is so nice to see the the Seat Warmers Union lets them off for holiday weekends!). I got right in and had my blood taken without a bruise (yep that's right...I said WITHOUT a bruise). When we got back, I had the internal fight with myself as my anxiety started to kick in! There was a good 20 minutes of "I'm not pregnant...well I could be pregnant....Yea but I'm not pregnant....but there is a chance...yes there is a chance...so why couldn't I be pregnant....but I'm sure I'm not...but still maybe I am". I FEARED the phone call....I realized I HATE waiting for these calls...Its awful.....no one ever wants to be told they aren't pregnant (especially by a nurse that can only be described as a cold hearted robot).

Nurse Cold-Hearted Robot (and please know that that phrase is the NICEST way I can say anything about her without using some choice four or five letter words) called and very matter of factly told me I wasn't pregnant, with the same enthusiasm of reading the phone book! She was rushed and seemed annoyed for having to call ME...seriously...phone call was under a MINUTE!! I get it! It must be really really rough to have to make all those calls every day and break thousands of woman's hearts but she needs to realize that she is breaking thousands of woman's hearts! It might be just a test result to her but it my dreams, hopes, and prayers that are being destroyed so I feel that a little compassion wouldn't kill her! I'm not expecting her to come over for coffee...but a simple "is there anything I can do for you?" or "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this...."....is that too hard?!?!? I of course, started to sob....

I'm not sure if she had told me a different way, if I would have been as hurt....I mean I REALLY knew what was coming....To make things worse...AS SOON AS I hung up the phone...I went to the bathroom and she started to rear her ugly head! Like seriously...that couldn't have happened ANY TIME BEFORE that call...cause then I would have been prepared...but that's my life and my luck ...quite comical huh?

I'll be calling Nurse Christmas in the morning to start our new cycle. I have already decided THIS is my month because I would be due RIGHT at the time that we would be moving to a new place...and that's just our special kind of luck =)

5 comments:

Jen @ After The Alter said...

I'm so sorry! I agree with you...even with out expectations you always "HOPE"! Last month I knew I was away when I O'd...but I still HOPED that it would happen. There is always the possibilty..and each month ends in a breakdown. It's the worst! No matter how prepared I am I end up sobbing...I guess it's the nature of the beast. **hugs!**

Busted Kate said...

Ugh, I hate those people. Those are the people who have 8 children at home. Sorry darlin. New year, 2010... it's gonna be ours. Preggo by 30, right?

Courtney (AKA MommaRoberts) said...

I'm so sorry she was such a witch! Some people really should be taught how to talk to people or at least have a heart. THIS IS YOUR MONTH!!!!! I'm praying for you and have my fingers crossed!!! Goood Luck!!!

junebug said...

Hugs!! Sorry. I agree that she was insensitive. I would have reacted the same way.

Bec said...

I know what you are saying about HOPE...it's always there. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love that it's there at the beginning of a cycle, but for me, high hopes leads to more disappointment. I am sure that one day, your hope will turn into pure joy though, and hopefully, I will experience the same!