12.03.2009

Myth Busted!

OK so you know how when you ask a pregnant woman how they knew they were pregnant and most (I'm not saying all) will tell you "I Just Knew!" ...well I'm here to tell you today that myth is BUSTED! I "just knew" too this cycle....and there's no baby!

I was really skeptical last month (during our first IUI)...I wouldn't allow myself to think anything positive......but this month was soo different...Different symptoms....different circumstances...different feelings.......everyone asking me how I'm feeling and everything I said "sounds like symptoms".....My rocket science follicle has failed me....biology has failed me....

I have failed me....

I shouldn't have let myself think it for one minute....It's so hard not to but you can't be let down too hard when you don't expect much....Every twinge I was feeling I pictured what the baby could be doing ....now I picture my empty uterus , preparing for ANOTHER cycle, getting ready to shred the remnants of this failed cycle along with the remnants of my failed dreams.....As I was sobbing this morning, my husband said "I really thought we had it this time"...I wanted to scream out that I did too but all I could force out was another louder sob.....I love him to death....I couldn't do this without him!

As crazy as the temping has driven me, it truly prepared me for the phone call this morning. I knew what was coming so I was able to hold my composure better than I did last month (which was just until the phone was hung up). I was able to ask more questions and get more info. By the way ...huge brownie points for the new nurse today.. She called me as soon as the results came in...at 9:17 this morning....she didn't make me wait all day like Nurse BFF did - maybe I didn't like her as much as I thought!

So that's it folks...IUI # 2 FAILED! Woman "just know" when they are pregnant...BULLSHIT!

8 comments:

Corine said...

Hang in there Jenn!

Its going to happen for you guys soon.. you guys are a great couple meant to be parents!

I wish I had something to say that would comfort you, but I know nothing I say is going to ease the pain...

Just know I'm here for you.

Chasing a Miracle said...

I must whole heatedly agree with you on the myth busted thing...
Last cycle for me, it was the one, i had feelings and signs and i thought that November was the month for me.. there were no cramps, i was positive.. blah blah blah... but it was still negative, and i even had the nerve to ask the nurse "are you sure"...

I know it is hard, but i see this month you have taken it well, you are such a strong woman and an inspiration...

*sigh*

If i had one wish in this world it would be that no one ever had to face the pain of IF...

I know i cant, and i know words will never be able to take away the sadness, but i do know that i can say with 100% honesty that i know how you are feeling, and i know that the pain will pass.

Let happiness and hope creep into your heart, in the end it is the only thing that will get yuo through this...

I have said my prayers for you, and i have written my letter to Santa asking for everyone to receive some baby dust, and some BFP's...

So take care, have hope, and enjoy the Christmas cheer (just a little - or fake it with some wine!)

*MWAH* & *HUGS*

babythornburgh said...

I've nominated you for an award on my blog! Check it out: http://babythornburgh.wordpress.com

junebug said...

I have to agree with you on this one! I've just knew it too many freakin times. However, I have a little more respect for women who say that then for women who thought they had gas went to the bathroom and had a baby.
((((Hugs!))))

liberalgranolagirl said...

HUGE hugs <3 Trust me when I say that I know that heartbreak. It hurts and it sucks. And I hope that your retail therapy today did some good :)

I also nominated for a blog award-check my blog to see which one :)

theovernitenote said...

Man, I'm so sorry. That really is the worst feeling in the world. I think "I really thought we had it this time" and any variance thereof should be incorporated into a really gnarly tattoo and etched on all of our foreheads. Honestly.

Hang in there! I hope you're able to carve out some time this weekend to do something nice for yourself!

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry! There have been months that I was so sure I was pregnant... Just to be disappointed at the end too. I wish I knew what to say. :(

Jen @ After The Alter said...

I'm so sorry! I totally agree with you though...the women who "just knew" are the ones who got pregnant on the first try...because if they went some time trying they would know that the body plays tricks! Some new symptom pops up each month for me..and I think "this is it!" This is enough to drive anyone INSANE!