10.01.2009

Mama Worries....

Does anyone ever sit down and wonder what kind of parent they will be? I've been thinking about this over the last few days. Sometimes I just look over at the hubby and try to picture us with kids. I guess people that don't have to deal with infertility probably don't give this much thought until they are actually going to have a baby....it's been different in my case.

I LOVE children! That's why I became a teacher......I know I am great with children.....but how am I going to be when they are my own. I don't think anyone wakes up in the morning and says "I'm going to be a bad mother today"....and what even constitutes being a bad mother? Having worked in schools I have seen many types of moms and I feel like I am always making mental notes.....trying to prepare.... I look at some people who have it all together ..they are the definition of an "ideal mom" with less than perfect children and on the other hand ....I look at someone who has not been a good role model and has perfect kids......Is it genetics? Nature Vs. Nurture for sure!!

I am so ready (soooooo ready) to have a family.....I love my hubby so much and I love the life we have and the relationship we share but I know something is missing. I love that we are both excited for the procedures and of the future that we hope and pray lays before us. Each time we have a quick little chat about a baby, my heart skips a beat. (My favorite is still the fact that he wants a papoose carrier for when the baby is up at night so he can play video games).

I was beating myself up today...I don't cook enough....I'm not as on top of my cleaning as I should be....Sometimes I wash all the laundry and DON'T hang it up and it sits in piles for days (OK weeks)....I really should vacuum more....all these crazy thoughts running through my head.....but I figured out..IT'S OK....the only person expecting me to be perfect when all this finally does happen is me and it's OK if I don't have it all figured out in the beginning. I thinking that my insanity for perfection will probably make me June Cleaver-ish with my children ....

......I guess time will tell........

1 comments:

PCOSChick said...

I am the same exact way! (especially the laundry thing) So if you arean't "normal", neither am I! I've always been told that worrying is a sign of a good parent-so I feel like worrying before you have a kid is the sign of a great parent!