10.03.2009

Karma's a Bitch and So am I!!!

I'M A BITCH! There I said it!!! If you know me, you know this. I am VERY protective over people I care about and love. I also know what I want and am not afraid to speak my mind. It's one of the many reasons people love me (but is also one of the many reasons people feel the need to talk about me). Despite my hard shell, I am very sensitive and even if I don't want to, I get my feelings hurt easily. Maybe I turn on the bitch as a dealing mechanism.....I'd rather be pissed at you than for you to see me cry....and the worst thing of all I tend to hold grudges (ESPECIALLY against people that have hurt people I love).

So many things have been bothering me lately and I came to a point where I said "I don't want to be bothered with this anymore"...I found myself thinking I would be OK if I never spoke to a certain people again....How I just don't want to be bothered with their crap....their drama...and I found myself thinking today that I need to cut certain ties and focus on me......

And then this little word popped into my mind....karma!

Kinda the idea that what you give to the world, you get from the world....and then I started to think of what I would say to my child about these situations....Don't judge so easily.....How will I possibly be able to give my children that advice when I am not following it myself? Isn't it hurting me more to turn my back? What example do I want to lead for my children one day? What do I want them to understand?? And it's really simple....

..Love is love and some relationships/friendships are worth fighting for.

Didn't I learn this already? I figured this out quickly in the romance department.....when I was just 18 and I KNEW I wanted to marry my husband.....We had a hell of an 8 year long distance relationship and every tear I cried and laugh we shared was worth it when I walked down that aisle with him waiting for me at the end.

So why is it different with friends and family? Is this what our 20's are about? I just realized this is not the person I want to be, the person who turns her back on people! I wasn't raised that way.....I was given the gift of an open mind from my parents...which is one of the best things they could have given me....I want my children to have the same.....Maybe all these years of trying to "figure out who I am" actually made me lose a little bit of who I want to be.... I may always be a bitch and extremely protective of my friends and family but I will also be more forgiving.....It's time to be a better person.....

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. ~Wayne Dyer

3 comments:

Fertility Chick said...

Felt like this post could have been written for me. I struggle with forgiveness - especially with those who have 'wronged me'. I'm hoping to be a gentler, kinder person out of all of this.

PS - you have an award on my blog! :)

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm usually pretty good at forgiveness. But that might be becuase I totally believe in Karma. I've seen it bite SO many people in the ass who deserve it. It truly is a beautiful thing, when Karma does it's thing.

I also believe in "killin em with kindness". I do my best to be nice to everyone, especially when I'm angry. It seems to help my mood and my actions. But sometimes it's fun to be a bitch. I need to let my inner bitch out every once in awhile ;o)
*HUGS*

junebug said...

I'm a fellow bitch! What I have discovered in the past few years is that I'm ok with letting some unrewarding friendships go. I don't hold a grudge or anything. I just keep myself distant for awhile. Occasionally after we have both changed a relationship is resumed. I just think life is too short to spend my energy on people who don't have my best interest in their heart like I do for them. I don't think that falls into bad karma because I don't actively hate on them or treat them badly. I just want to surround myself with positive supporative people because that is what I need right now. It was hard for me to come to this conclusion but I am gratful that I did. I have so much less stress now.
Great post!