10.13.2009

I'm Jenn and I'm an emo-foodaholic

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I could refer to myself as anything emo. But it happened folks....I am an emo-foodaholic (also known as an emotional eater). I have always known that when life gets rough, I get sweets but this morning brought me to a whole new realization.....I had my first ever Food Binge Hangover. What is a food binge hangover you ask? Its when you wake up the next morning and realize that you ATE your way through a problem, which in turn makes your problem worse and you have all the hangover symptoms....upset stomach ...check! Nausea...check! Utter regret....check! Swearing that you will never do it again....check!!! Headache...check! (Granted the headache was probably from crying...but it's all related)!

Let me back up and explain what sent me to Halloween candy hell last night. Nurse BFF called and explained they didn't see what they needed to see yesterday. There was SOME growth but it wasn't a lot so I have to go back on Thursday for another ultrasound and blood work this time. The ultrasound to check the growth again and the blood work to check my estrogen level. Nurse BFF said if my estrogen level is low, the doctor will need to see us because the Clomid isn't doing it's job and he will probably want to add injectibles. AHH Those injectibles...I cringed after hearing it...not just because I hate needles but because Nurse BFF says they cost $2000 a month and we have NO COVERAGE for it. After discussing this with her, my main reaction was to have a nervous breakdown on the phone....but I sucked my cheeks in and bit my lips to stop myself from crying. As soon as I hung up the phone though...I fell apart!

I was trying so hard not to overreact ...I mean..I know that there is a possibility everything will work out on Thursday...that my estrogen might be high and they will put me back on Clomid (Clomid side note: I know that is sooo weird...but I completely trust them). However a lifetime of things just not working out for me has left me bitter and weary. Each time I would convince myself to stop crying...I would just as soon start again.....I actually cried myself into a nap...

Upon waking up..I knew I had to go to the store and pick up my meds....This is where I lost control.....with eyes swollen and nose stuffed...I ventured to CVS and somewhere in the Halloween aisle ...amidst the Reese's and the Hershey's and the Willy Wonka Mix-up....I picked up a bag of candy....Nope...not for trick or treaters folks....but for me and my ungrown follicles....To make matters worse...I stopped at McDonald's .....I know I know people...I have a problem.....

So I woke up with my food binge hangover today after a night of a candy coma.....and I realized I am an emotional eater....yup....an emo-foodaholic....Picture yourself a teenager described as an "emo" and I am sure that is what I looked like in CVS yesterday! I definitely was sporting MAJOR cry face!

So here is what I propose.....Next time I have an emotional breakdown (which will probably be Thursday)....someone needs to tie me up and make me stare at all my "fat" pictures. You know those pictures that you look at and say "I am NEVER EATING AGAIN".......That oughta do the trick.

oh....and I bit off all my nails...so apparently I'm not just an emo-foodaholic..I am a manicurist's worst nightmare too!

5 comments:

minname said...

Hello my name is Malinda and I too am an "emo-foodaholic"

junebug said...

Hello my name is Junebug and I too am an "emo-foodaholic".
Plus, clomid made me a raging crazy woman which didn't help the situation.
((Hugs))

jenicini said...

Yep, welcome to our meeting. I brought the donuts...! Seriously, I can understand where you are coming from on so many levels, the food, the injectables, the tears...I had kept it together through my first IVF cycle, but completely lost it this time. Tears, tears, and more tears. I'm hoping for a nice jump in estrogen for Thursday for you!

Amaprincess said...

Thanks Ladies! Nice to know I'm not alone =)

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm right there with ya, love! Chocolate is my BFF when I'm in a mood. Sending you lots of love!
*HUGS*