8.18.2009

What Dreams May Become...

I had a bad dream last night. I don't remember the specifics of it..I just remember having to cross this bridge with my mom. The bridge was like rubber and these huge trucks were driving across it and I was so scared. So my mom, being the amazing woman that she is, decided to show me it was OK. She walked out onto the bridge and this storm hit, the rubber bridge flew up into the air, sending my mom with it. She was holding onto the handle of the bridge for dear life and I remember screaming for her not to let go...that I loved her so much....but she couldn't hear me over the loud trucks...and just like that she was gone.....I screamed SO loud in my dream and I literally felt my heart break into a million pieces......I jumped up in bed with my heart racing and said a thousand prayers thanking god that it was just a dream. I was SO freaked out....

I couldn't go back to sleep because of this nightmare...I couldn't go back to sleep because I didn't feel safe....I looked over at my husband who was peacefully sleeping and decided it wasn't worth waking him up for, so I just tried to snuggle up next to him ....

....As I lay awake, still reeling from the real feelings in the dream, I remembered being a kid and having a bad dream...My dad used to work nights so when I had a bad dream I was able to crawl in my moms bed and she just simply held my hand and we both fell asleep holding hands....I remember almost like it was yesterday the calmness that would rush over me when she took my little hand into hers. I miss my mom......(She lives in the west...I live in the east)

.....This dream REALLY affected me....I've been thinking about it all day....Sometimes I think this growing up stuff is overrated...Is it so bad that I want to be that little girl again, when the world didn't suck as much as it does now? Last night, I just wanted to be that little girl who crawled into my mama's bed.........Today, I realize what I truly want most is to be my mother to my own child someday, to give them the safety and security and most importantly love that I was showered with. I promise to always leave a space in my bed for the when those nightmares come and will always have my hand out, ready to be held....

I love you Mom! =)

1 comments:

Beautiful Mess said...

Awww sweetie, I'm so sorry you had such a terrible dream! I hate dreams like those. You wake up feeling so unsettled and it lasts all day long!

Your dream of being a mother will come true. I believe!

I hope you were able to call your mom sometimes today and she made you feel a little bit better.
*HUGS*