8.25.2009

Dear You.....

Dear You....

It's funny because when I started to come around, I thought we would be friends...Was warned of the evilness that seems to surround you.....so I tread with caution. We seemed to have a lot in common....both struggling for a child.....I understood your feelings and I hoped you would understand mine. People's priorities in life are different...some people need to have a house before children and some people need to just have children! I didn't judge you for your choice but it was soon clear I was being judged for mine.

I was amongst the guilt of "please don't have a baby before me", because we were trying...because we ARE trying. I often feel that desperation with people at times...so I was able to understand it but would never make someone feel bad for pursuing their dreams....We each seemed to be "pursuing" our dreams in different ways and I knew deep down in my heart that as much as it might sting to watch you get pregnant, I would be ecstatic for you.....We would love nothing more than to have you add to our family...as we are so desperately trying to do ourselves.....

We have been trying for THREE long years.....you were never there for the agony that I have endured....You never had to hold my hand as I cried myself to sleep....You didn't share in all the negative pregnancy tests and the tears that were shed as a result...You didn't comfort me after message upon message of each pregnant friend or relative I had to deal with....So maybe I shouldn't expect you to understand...To be fair...I wasn't there for you either....but lord knows my heart knew every ache you felt.....

So I can't understand know why you are so angry that we are pursuing this full force....Why you feel the need to shut us out like we are doing something wrong?!?!? Your actions and words have just been HURTFUL....seriously??? I am mean-spirited and cold-hearted?? because I am trying to have a baby!?!?!? I can't carry this guilt anymore....I want to let it go.....however along with this guilt is the guilt of what your actions are doing to our family.....I HATE to see people I love and care about hurt, especially my husband.....Did you stop and think for ONE SECOND how this was affecting him??? How your words would further the wedge between him and someone he once referred to as "his brother" ...Maybe that was your goal all along.....my anger has turned into sadness as I fear something that will never be able to be mended.

I will pray for you tonight...I will pray that you too will get the happy ending that we are trying for...But please know this....lines have been drawn and you, my dear, are NOT my definition of family!

Love,
Me!

2 comments:

Beautiful Mess said...

Ummmm like I said on Twitter, I'm pissed FOR you! You do not deserve to be treated like that. You deserve happiness just as those other person deserves it. Nobody should EVER make you feel the way you were made to feel.

I'm really, REALLY sorry this happened. It totally sucks!

Sending you LOTS of love!
*HUGS*

liberalgranolagirl said...

That is awful! I agree with Beautiful Mess-no one should ever make you feel the way you were made to feel. *hugs*