I was talking with my mom tonight about my upcoming appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist and I started to stress about all the things we have going on ....Logistics of it ...this wasn't the best time to make the appointment, but I am so tired of waiting....Something always comes up ....we NEVER not have anything....there is always a reason ...always something that says wait....is there ever a good time to have children for anyone? I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders when seriously I should be able to focus on the family that I long for so bad! I'm so tired of waiting for the right time....Does everyone starting a family feel this guilt? Its guilt!! I feel guilty for wanting a child, like not I-ate-a-piece-of-candy-before-dinner-guilty...like panic-attack-guilty!

I know my family loves me and wants me to have a family and that they don't feel the way I feel... I just can't help it...I feel like I need validation from someone....for someone to tell me this is OK to feel like this! The desperation and despair is OK ..... somebody please tell me these are normal feelings!!

For ONCE IN MY LIFE, can things just line up and work out?!? For once, can the weight of this stress be taken away and the guilt that I am feeling over it disappear?? God...are you listening? I need you right now!