Am A Smother Mother

I am completely 100% head over heels in love with my child. (I'm sure this came as no surprise to you all). 

I am totally mushy gushy when it comes to my daughter.

From the second she wakes up in the morning, my heart begins to skip a beat.  From the second our eyes met each morning, I am consistently telling her how much I missed her while she was sleeping...because it really is the truth.  My heart learned to beat with hers when I carried her and now it can't stand to be away from hers.  

As I scoop her up, I begin to cover her with kisses...which becomes an all day affair because simply put, there is no way to look at her and hold her without giving her a kiss.

Then we start the tough part of the day, where I try to put into words just how much I love her.  There are never enough words....no words are ever enough.  However, you can bet I try.  Our days are full of "I love you's", "You are mommy's FAVORITE", and " I can't thank God enough for you".

And as I lay her sweet dreaming body to sleep at night, I always whisper the same thing as I kiss her gorgeous head of curls....
"I love you ALL DAY, 
                               Every day, 
                                              And twice as much today".

As Sweet Pea and I played today, she began to laugh and I scooped her up into my arms and began to give her many kisses and then I said "Mommy loves to smother you in kisses".

I placed her down and began to panic....

SMOTHER?!??

OMG AM I SMOTHERING HER?!?!

HAVE I BECOME A SMOTHER MOTHER?!!?

Will my child be in therapy for the rest of her life because I can't stop hugging her, staring at her, kissing her and telling her how much I love her?!!?

I sat there in disbelief that maybe, just maybe, I am messing her up by doing that.  And as the panicked look spread across my face, my future therapy patient crawled over to me, signaled for me to pick her up, snuggled into my shoulder, then picked her head up and gave me a kiss. 

She totally loves her smother mother!

Jenn Cooks Chicken Soup Pastina

This has been a crazy week for us.  My daughter is teething.  My husband has surgery on his toe on Monday and as if the stress of both of those things wasn't enough for me,I came down with an AWFUL stomach bug Monday night. 

Yesterday was kind of a "just get through today" type day.

I woke up this morning feeling much better and decided to make a huge pot of chicken soup in hopes no one in my family catches what I had. 

I really make a kick ass chicken soup.

As a matter of fact, after my broth was done tonight before I added the pasta (because I'm all about the chicken noodle soup), I might have even said to myself "Hmm..this is the best broth ever".  I then had a quick fantasy of my husband drooling over my soup and telling me how good it was.  I did my little victory dance and pulled out the pasta to add. 

I decided to use Pastina so Sweet Pea could have some. For those of you who don't know what Pastina is, it is little teeny tiny star noodles. 

In a hurry to get the baby's bottle started and dice up the chicken, I dumped a box of Pastina in...decided it didn't look like enough and then dumped another.  Gave it a little stir and carried on with what I was doing. 

I'll admit it before I made the Pastina for Sweet Pea...I probably haven't had it in like 15 years.  When I made it for the baby, I made about a 1/4 of a cup and she was eating it for a few days. 

I clearly wasn't thinking...

I consider myself a fairly intelligent girl....

Sometimes I just have these moments where I am all like "WHY THE HELL DID I JUST DO THAT?!?"

Do you want to know when I realized it this time?

When I grabbed the soup ladle, and spooned PASTINA into the bowl. I looked in the pot and there was about half Pastina and half broth.  I spooned some broth over the Pastina and mentioned to my husband that I might have added a little too much Pastina. 

Only here's the problem....by the time he got to his bowl, It was 3/4 Pastina and 1/4 broth.

By the time I got back to the pot to serve myself the pot showed probably 9/10 Pastina and 1/10 broth. 

THIS SHIT KEPT MULTIPLYING. 

I felt like Strega Nona!

By the time, I had sat down to eat, my poor chicken and carrots were being smothered by teeny tiny little stars.  There was no broth left....in my bowl....in my husband's bowl...or even in the large pot on the stove.


Would you like some soup with that Pastina?

My victory dance was a distant memory.  My husband's oohing and ahhing were transformed into loud giggles and these comments:


"Oh. I thought I spilled some!  Who am I kidding? This doesn't spill?"

"I feel like I swallowed a huge ball of glue".


After stating I was thirsty, he said "No kidding, the Pastina is soaking up your insides as well".


I had to laugh...


I mean....it really WAS funny!

The thing is ...it tasted REALLY GOOD! Even Sweet Pea ate some!

So here is my recipe for Chicken Soup Pastina:

Take the BEST chicken soup recipe you have and make it in a large pot.  When it's done, add two boxes of Pastina.  Don't worry about it not seeming to be a lot!  That crap is like The Duggars...it just keeps multiplying!

And there you have it!  I know what you all are making for dinner tomorrow night!!! 

P.S.  I left it in the pot to put the baby to bed ....who wants to take bets that it over took the pot and is all over my kitchen floor by now!?!? 

All I Want For Christmas

Before I go into my usual rant...I would like to point out that this is my 300th post! A Holy Crap!

I've always been the type of gal that had Christmas list.

I remember growing up going to my Grandparent's every Sunday for our family dinner and the excitement when that good old J.C. Penney Winter catalog was there.  Oh how we used to spend hours writing down everything we wanted from Santa...including page numbers just so he got it right. 

As I got older, my list naturally became more pricey.  One year I wanted a TV.  Another year, a DVD player.  Then of course, my VERY first designer purse was a gift from Santa.   The older I got.....the higher the price tags seemed to be....

Until I got married and suddenly, my Christmas list was priceless and unattainable. 

I wanted a baby.   I spent years wishing on every star and blowing out every birthday candle with the same hope.  Every Christmas, we watched other people's babies grow older as I put on my bravest smile hoping that people didn't see the pain I was enduring behind it. 

Christmas morning was always the worst. 


I used to lay and think about all the kids running to the tree and I used to beg and plead with higher powers to let me please hear those pitter patter of tiny feet and squeals of joy.  And for more Christmases than should ever be allowed, the silence was so loud and deafening that I couldn't even hear my heart break further or my empty uterus sighing and my soul telling me "this is definitely the LAST year".  

And then last year...it was. 

I was asked a few times this year what was on my Christmas list.   I am sure everyone waited with bated breath to hear which purse or shoes I wanted or which cool new electronic thing I just HAD to have. 
I won't lie to you all...I gave it some thought. After thinking long and hard about it....my decision was decided.

This year for Christmas I wanted... NOTHING.

This year, all of my wishes came true.  I have the family I have always dreamed of.  On Christmas morning, I will anxiously await my daughter's song letting me know she is awake.  I will run up to her crib and kiss her face like I do every morning as she babbles her "hellos" and "i love yous".  This Christmas, I will bring her down to a living room full of presents from Santa and all her amazing family and friends.  I will be grateful for every second as I watch her tear into her well earned presents and rejoice as I hear the sounds of music and lights come off of her new toys. She will be surrounded and thought about by people that adore her.  For me that's it.....that's the Full Monty.  There is no handbag or pair of shoes that can replace that in my heart. 

Here's the thing....people don't handle it too well when you say you want nothing.  I know I have rolled my eyes a number of times at my dad who often states that.  So I thought about what I could ask for....what could people give me that would mean something....

I thought back to Christmas time last year. A few days before Christmas, I woke up bleeding and was told I had to go to labor and delivery.  I didn't know what the outcome was going to be and I was scared out of my mind.  Obviously everything turned out perfectly but I am fully aware on how many times it doesn't. 

So this Christmas,I asked my husband to make a donation to the March of Dimes in memory of four very special little angels.  I have asked family to do the same. 

I have been blessed with Sweet Pea...it's time to start giving back to others.


P.S. I am in NO WAY judging ANYONE! I am purely talking about MY FEELINGS!! If you have a long wish list, I say "GO GET YOURS" and send me pictures of all your fun new stuff!

P.P.S - I don't want to live a total lie...I also asked for a steam mop.  =)

Santa Spotted....Aisle 13!

You know those houses you go into where they OVERDECORATE.  Christmas stuff is EVERYWHERE and it kinda looks like Santa puked all over. 

Yea...I am that person. 

We moved into this house last year when we found out that I was finally pregnant.  I wasn't too into decorating last year as I felt like a tired cow.   I knew that this year was going to be the BIG one anyway. Sweet Pea's FIRST CHRISTMAS.  So last year, I just allowed myself to lay on the couch and eat Christmas cookies (I won't even tell you what I gained the next month!).  

This year, decorating was so exciting!  I couldn't wait to pull all of our stuff out and to deck them halls with boughs of holly.   We put up the Christmas tree and as expected my little miracle was mesmerized by the lights.  I wanted more.....

We realized we didn't have anything that would work for outside.  We needed to buy something STAT....after all I am a total self proclaimed Christmas light snob. 

We decided to check out that big store that loves to roll back those prices.  I am NOT A FAN of that store.  No disrespect to those that love it, I just simply do not.  To me, every one that I have been to smells like dog food and stale popcorn.  I much prefer that bullseye competitor. 

We decided to go early Sunday and check it out.  I was thrilled that it would be easy in and easy out because they keep their Christmas stuff in the Garden center.  You could imagine my surprise when we went and there was like NOTHING we could use left.....NOTHING.   As I shrugged my shoulders and headed towards the door to the Depot of many Homes...my husband said those words I was dreading "Lemme check something inside".


*sigh* "Ok let's be quick"

We started to walk around and there he was in all his glory.....SANTA....on aisle 13 looking at folding chairs (I guess those elves are getting upgraded from those wooden benches). 

Seriously, there was a man dressed in a full Santa costume.

We had just taken Sweet Pea a few days prior to see Santa..... every chance we get we have been all "SANTA" "SANTA" "SANTA" to get her to learn.

I was able to walk past him and not make eye contact but as I circled around, we were facing each other.  I couldn't avoid it now.   I thought of turning around and trying to escape quickly but he had already started talking to my daughter and all I could squeak was "Look its Santa"

Here was my train of thought:
"  OH MY GOD! DOES THIS MAN EVEN WORK HERE???? HOLY CRAP HE IS GETTING CLOSER.  OK PHEW HE IS JUST TALKING TO HER.  AT LEAST THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE AROUND IF I HAVE TO START SCREAMING.  OH SHIT I THINK HE IS GOING TO TOUCH HER...WHAT THE HELL DO I DO??! HOW ON EARTH DO YOU TELL SANTA TO BACK THE HELL AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD.  OMG THERE ARE OTHER KIDS AROUND...I CAN'T YELL AT HIM.  OMG HE IS TOUCHING HER HAND.  EW EW EW EW! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WORK HERE" 

 With my best force of a smile, I jerked the carriage away and said "Say bye bye to Santa".  I went into the CD section and seriously almost hyperventilated when I realized I left the wipes in the car.  

After what seemed like an eternity (but was really like ten more minutes), we were back in the car where I scrubbed her hands like no other....

After a deep breath, I quickly congratulated myself for not ruining Christmas for other children by tackling Santa and making the evening news. 

Sweet Pea's hand hasn't fallen off yet so I think we are safe......

.....as far as that man....I can only continue to only hope that he worked there...

.....although you never know....He could have been one of those people of ___________.

OMG! IT IS FINALLY TIME!!!!

After years and years of waiting for this moment, I am finally sitting down to do my Christmas cards WITH MY DAUGHTER ON THEM.  This might seem like such a small thing to be so excited about but after dealing with infertility and opening countless cards with other people's babies, it feels like a right of passage to be able to do mine!!

A FABULOUS RITE OF PASSAGE! OMG!! I AM REALLY A MOM!!!!!

Last year, I went on a crusade to send out the perfect pregnancy Christmas card (why yes...I was THAT person).   You can read that post here!  Shutterfly provided the perfect template for our perfect card. 

Seriously....how cute is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  We got an insane amount of compliments on it and it truly had become my favorite Christmas card EVER....

...until now.....

I spent about five hours perfecting our Christmas card last year and I was pregnant.  This year I have a gorgeous baby girl to show off to the world...so you can easily multiply the time spent last year by two (or ten).  

So I've been looking at Shutterfly's website and they have some great choices.  Honestly I already have one picked in my head.....and it's perfect.....

So maybe this year...it was just a little bit easier to "perfect" it......after all...I have the most perfect baby in the most perfect picture to work with. 

This will be my favorite Christmas EVER!

The Fine Print:
Yes..just like last year, I am doing this blog post as a promotion to Shutterfly in exchange for 25 cards...because honestly let's face it, Christmas cards are not cheap but you can not put a price on perfection....plus I really want to send this card to EVERYONE I have ever met in my life so I will need a whole bunch more!   Every little bit helps (especially since my shopaholic ways are coming out this Christmas..but that is for another blog post). 

 Check out Shutterfly for all your shopping needs....

         Christmas cards  http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards
          calendars              http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars   
          photo gifts             http://www.shutterfly.com/photo-gifts
 

Back to Dr. Godfather I go...

I guess I had this silly preconceived pre-conceived notion that once I got pregnant, things would just fix in my body.  I mean how many times do we all hear that?  After the "relax and it will happen" and all the other "advice" that we get before getting pregnant happens, when we finally do get there, to that place that we waited for so long, the other advice starts....

"You body will most likely fix itself with the pregnancy and you will be able to conceive naturally after you have the baby".  

I clung to this. 

I don't ever EVER want to sound ungrateful for my beautiful baby girl.  Because trust me, I am fully aware that the sun rises and sets in her smile. I am eternally blessed with this gorgeous baby that will hopefully very shortly call me mama and I was extremely fortunate to be able to carry her myself -full term.  I can honestly tell you from the heart that I stop on a daily basis and thank god for giving me her....for bringing her into my life.  I can also honestly tell you that I do not let ONE moment go by without cherishing it....the laughs....the cries....the tantrums....ALL OF IT!

Here's the thing, I want more children.  I always wanted more than one.  Please don't think for one second that this ever makes me greedy.  Only a mother and father can decide in their own hearts when their family is done. 

So I waited after Sweet Pea's birth with baited breath to see if my body "fixed" itself.  After all we have done to have her, it seemed quite comical to be offered any preventative measures after her birth.  We had always said we would let nature take its course. 

And after three normal cycles, that course of nature stopped months ago. 

Out of exasperation, I tried to avoid the RE.  Yes, I adore Dr. Godfather with all my heart but I truly hoped I would have never had to see him again.  But after a few failed paths, I inevitably have to return. 

I now know my body never fixed itself.  The advice became another quote to add to the myths of trying to conceive. 

I'm not going to lie to you...I am having a tough time with the thought of returning.  That very thought brought me to tears in my OB's office a few weeks ago. 

However, I do believe our family isn't done and although at this point right now, we aren't going for treatments...I am going with the sheer hope that we can put "nature" back on it's course as my husband and I decide when it's right to start the uphill battle for number 2. 

The Girl That Cried "Cough"

My sweet little darling has started a new "thing". 

This is what she does when she wants our attention. 

I'm sure plenty of other babies have ways to get their parents attention.  Some might cry.....Some might yell....

....mine.....well...she coughs. 

I didn't mistype that....she coughs.

Picture you are sitting and having a conversation with your spouse and you hear this over the top dramatic fake cough.  Yep...that's my daughter.

At the age of seven months she is all about the drama.

The first couple of times I am sure I jumped up in a panic.  She wanted attention and she got a very over-reactive worried mama in her face making sure she was ok. 

Then I saw the pattern.......so we tried to ignore it ....

Only Sweet Pea wasn't having any of that.....her "cough" then transformed into a fake "choke" which of course scared the pee out of me the first time she did it.  Once again over-reactive worried mama in her face making sure she was ok. 

After a couple heart attacks of the "fake choking" by both my husband and myself...we decided we needed the lesser of the evils and that happened to be the "fake cough".  

Our sweet little mastermind princess started to do the fake choking thing and we ignored her (after of course we very discreetly made sure she was ok).  Slowly but surely, the "fake cough" returned and we made a BIG deal out of it. 

So that's what she does....when my daughter wants our attention, she fake coughs. 

Sweet Pea will be an Academy Award winner....Mark my words!